Is there a terror in consciousness?
You will know if you have ever had any experience of it. That experience of being terrified. It’s rather all consuming, isn’t it? The man who thinks he controls, in some way his consciousness, discovers there (if he is allowed reflection later) that a particular matter he’d prefer to not know he had no power over.
Oh, at times, perhaps even at most times, he is engaged in what he believes is his choosing of what to consider and pursue. But terror…when it bursts in, all previous illusions of his own control are shattered…he is aware of all and only being swallowed whole by a thing, and a thing he cannot recognize or organize for referencing.
Terror is not a thing “like” something else he can make subject to to his rational deconstructions. He is, in all, subject to it. But this does not stop him (if he is allowed reflection later) to make all attempt, all striving and arranging he may think he retains in circumstance, to prevent its appearing again. “I will build a better house that the storm cannot threaten with collapse upon me.” “I will install a stronger door a lion cannot compromise”. “I will not go out unarmed”…
“I will”
But these matters above may only be a response to “things” that may happen to make us aware of some terror. But does consciousness itself, a thing we cannot escape by moving to less storm tossed areas, or continents that are lion free, or better neighborhoods…but consciousness, does it not go with us…everywhere? Isn’t that what we are even trying to maneuver by such moving?
“I will”…find a place of rest from things that can, or do, terrify…”me”.
A better consideration of this matter, and is trusted to be of some universality, is dreams. It matters not how we may seek to define consciousness here (as I have already ceded to all inability)…as though we can find a clear line, rather than an entirely porous substrate of gauzy border between what is called the conscious and subconscious, or unconscious.
We can set all the guards we want or believe are at our disposal (which already would testify of attempt to hold terror at bay, and that’s its existence to us is already entrenched as known) but we may find, in all these “things”, in all these “matters” (pharmacologics surely included) we have already ceded to the supremacy of terror over us. We are simply in all, reacting to…
And let’s even go further if we can. And dreams seem a fair (if universal) application…and what are commonly called nightmares (if universal) are also included as some form of subset of dreams. Even a very particular subset…of those in all, unwanted. And let’s get more specific…for beyond “bad” dreams there are those able to wake us with a start to heart’s pounding, their cold acid taste now so fresh in memory as though etching in places we’d rather not know can be drawn upon. And yet are/were just as real to us as feeling the hot breath of a beast upon our own necks just before it takes a bite.
Asking if a dream not remembered was real is akin to asking about a tree falling in a forest with no one there to hear. But we are not here speaking of things that may have taken place unknown to waking conscious of memory; but of those whose imprinting in our now waking consciousness we know took place, no matter if we assign their origins to a late night slice of pizza or even recognize in their often absurd logic something able to consider. But nevertheless we know, there we knew terror.
Have you also known these?
Another disclaimer. I am not about categorizing such by symbolisms, nor seeking toward any particular interpretations. Only that there is (or can be) a knowing of terror in the conscious mind that is itself presented of some constituency of that mind (even it be the subconscious or unconscious) to itself. This is solely in some response to the question “Is there a terror in consciousness?” Does some level of consciousness (attained to) inherently hold the capacity to either produce to itself, or know terror? Does the mind of man in whole scare the hell out itself at times in what it can know even in itself?
Admittedly we may often write these things off. “I have been under a lot of emotional stress lately” or some other circumstance has so intruded as to find malleable that matter we once thought solely under our own control…what we call our own minds. But are there not times, like out of left field such occur with no evidence to support (by us) their being bidden to us, by us or our considered estate? “Everything seems to be OK with me…yet…why now this thing presenting?”
Few would have issue in concluding to the man on a war torn battlefield with friend’s brains exploding left and right out of their heads on a daily basis his right to night terrors. But my bills are paid. My lawn is trimmed. My roof does not leak. Neither I nor anyone in my family has received some dread diagnosis. I know no pressing…except, something has broken through it all. Why is my mind being like this…to me?
Is there a terror in consciousness?
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