To understand we are always given to “look with a kinder eye” upon ourselves in matters of all judgments goes far beyond mere seeming legal matters or matters pertaining to what might be called the moral sphere. Surely it is more plainly apparent when speaking of matters of guilt and its assigning; but to come to see it suffuses the whole of the foundation of our thinking, touching matters of our logic and reasoning (what appear the colder, cleaner, or more precise matters) is not as easily apparent. Yet we all are given in deepest recesses to our way of thinking, very much thought of and known to us as our own, and even from which almost all of our identity in, and of, ourselves is developed.
Even our coldest logic, which is like an internal mathematics to us…precise, unambiguous, tidy and built upon to form what might be called our world view, our way of seeing and understanding things, is chock full of ingredients neither knowingly placed nor accounted for. And when faced with the reality of these matters (to whatever extent) we most often seek a housecleaning of sorts, especially if, when found, they have led to some calamity. We are presented with some frustration of our thinking, or of our knowing, that we may discover is due to some residual taint previously unaccounted for that has skewed our sight as to hide what we are now in as consequence. We are self persuaded that if able to start from a perfectly clean slate, uninfluenced from outside, (or even others) that our own logical process(es), then pure, would serve us better. Then surely…we would know…and understand what appears to us as the outside through which we move in time and actions would be, not only better understood, but even more controllable. It is, in that sense, back to “If I had only known then what I know now…” or “I should have known better”.
Yet, what prevented me?
Let me find that disposition and be rid of it so it will not lead to calamity again, and now “I will know better”. But the very shovel we dig with is no less a product of such disposition to thinking “I can know better…and will”. And when such is embraced we hold to us a new starting line, a new place of venture out from, better equipped with some knowing and thinking “now I am better prepared to meet the unknowns that tripped me up last time.” Rarely are we so established in understanding that any knowing also presents a whole new set of “not knowings” into which we venture.
And so it remains again, and always, double edged. Even were we to utter such rubric as “the more I know (or learn), the more I realize I don’t know”, we remain convinced there is a knowing attainable that is unshakable to us. Who, if given the temerity to even utter such, does not continue to seek after knowing? Knowing by doing such (if he were true to such stating), he is only embracing all the more unknowing? Our own logic here is undone. It would tell us start here, build up with this next, then this, then this…and finally what can be known…will be. But if and when we might even see we are now led into the greater of unknowns and unknowing, we can’t help ourselves.
Can one (or any?) bear witness to such a consciousness?
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