Month: August 2023

What a strange company we find ourselves in. And there, at the head, walks (or sits) the chief bishop/shepherd, apostle of our faith, and High Priest Himself, Jesus, the Christ of God. Having done all earning of anything that may be earned of any value and eternal matter, He is. At least as far as any work may be concerned to any earning, any reward for doing, any inheritance due for being true to a Father from whom all is given.

I have glorified thee on the earth: I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do.

He said.

And this is said of Him from on High:

But unto the Son he saith, Thy throne, O God, is for ever and ever: a sceptre of righteousness is the sceptre of thy kingdom.

Thou hast loved righteousness, and hated iniquity; therefore God, even thy God, hath anointed thee with the oil of gladness above thy fellows.

And, Thou, Lord, in the beginning hast laid the foundation of the earth; and the heavens are the works of thine hands:

They shall perish; but thou remainest; and they all shall wax old as doth a garment;

And as a vesture shalt thou fold them up, and they shall be changed: but thou art the same, and thy years shall not fail. But to which of the angels said he at any time, Sit on my right hand, until I make thine enemies thy footstool?

He alone, Jesus Christ alone, that Son, alone, that being (both noun and verb at once) in Spirit (yet found in fashion as a man) is He to whom all honor and glory is given. Rightly is He called Lord.

All given in and to this strange (is peculiar better said?) company in which we find ourselves comes from Him, through Him as all that is in Him, by the Holy Spirit given in, and through, His name. Man, but don’t we find there’s a lot…to Him! In Him, and through Him…even to the inclusion of this peculiar company amongst which we find ourselves. This “company” is no less in Him! How much is there, or here! (I am always limited to understatement) For “How much!” does not begin to express the all that He is as all in all, but a man has to start somewhere; and perhaps profound wonder, which leads to even deeper wonder is not a bad place of beginning. And, here we are.

Yet, it’s not a club. Not an organization. Not even so much as a group or grouping as would lend itself to our understanding. We are in, and of, a living body. Really, the only living body there is in the earth. In that body that was raised from the dead out from the heart of the earth and has ascended to the God whom He calls “my God and your God, my Father, and your Father”. And if you (or I) are captivated by Him it is because you (or I) were captured by Him, who took captivity (to once another) captive. Yep, He’s a conqueror. And let’s be honest (wow! is that even possible?) a something needed conquering if we were to be set free.

We could, of course, go into particulars of each of our enlightenment’s as to what we know were those particular forms of depravity to which we were inclined, but for now it suffices (if we know it of ourselves) to find this an acceptable understanding (as those who have come, or are coming to their senses):

In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will.

In the above (written by an apostle to a son in the faith) the more usual translation is “may come to their senses and escape” rather than “recover themselves”. This is mentioned for the sense of clarity; for in the one it could seem a man does something to set himself free as opposed to being brought to a sensibility, a showing of how things are, that accomplishes this. There remains only one who sets free, who imparts any sensibility to and of spiritual (true) matters and who holds promise of freedom through continuance in His word. All that is being done in us, is what has been done for us. No small matter lest we confuse the “who’s who” of whence eternal and sufficient work(s) are accomplished.

And it should be plain (if it is not yet to us) that such working of deliverance must first be accomplished in any that would instruct (gently or otherwise) and that their once occupation of same place (once a captive to the devil) is real in understanding to them. It is not as though a foreman (like an apostle) is telling some workers “Hey! be gentle with all those “other kinds of folks” who may be new to this, or unskilled, not like you guys are.” But it is implicit in this that we all had to be set free, and none of these matters originate nor originated in ourselves, or have “come to us only”. There is always a caution against forgetting who delivered us (from what and who) into His Kingdom. If we do not yet know such feelings/senses of superiority are always waiting to take advantage of the believer, well, we must keep going. Pride in all its myriad forms is no small matter to be uncovered, and only one has been shown sufficient to both its uncovering and conquering while keeping Himself from its taint, with any skill or understanding. Yes, vision and sight get narrowed. And this is gift.

Not unlike “trying to be humble”, have you taken a shot at not being proud? Ha! Were you successful enough to think yourself…successful? Oh, but these matters are wonderful! Deep. Deeper than we knew…deep was, or could be. Who can take a man to where all once treasured of himself is despoiled in his sight, yet support him there, keep him from despairing in what otherwise would only be an eternal anguish of having nothing but isolation for himself, left alone to drink his own dregs?

Yes, who? And vision and sight get narrowed.

Where is boasting, then? Of what? And who?

Yes, we are a strange, peculiar company of things assembled in a body. Assembled of matters so intensely personal and exquisitely particular that were it not for a powerful working of joining to a communion we could and would be only left to this thinking “everything is far too personal to find any commonness”. Each is far too different, too uniquely formed to ever “work together”. Or be found so.

Thanks be to God it is not our work or working that is the issue of eternal consequence, but His.

We are left to marvel at how such a One works.

What greater joy is there?

Than to see and know Him in His work?

Were I to find some allowance or grace to claim a ministry (O! but that is rather high, is it not? Some claim of servant hood?) it could only be that of the beating a dead horse variety. Yet even there I tremble, for I am not even good at that. For even if seeing or finding such as may appear something to describe as what might seem a humble calling as to even be called such, O! but I yet reach too high! Yes, I think it better to forego any claim.

Nevertheless, what horse corpses appear available now? Oh, here’s one that fits the bill rather perfectly. Jesus speaks about it.

But which of you, having a servant plowing or feeding cattle, will say unto him by and by, when he is come from the field, Go and sit down to meat? And will not rather say unto him, Make ready wherewith I may sup, and gird thyself, and serve me, till I have eaten and drunken; and afterward thou shalt eat and drink? Doth he thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded him? I trow not. So likewise ye, when ye shall have done all those things which are commanded you, say, We are unprofitable servants: we have done that which was our duty to do.

We often call it the parable of the unworthy servant, called unprofitable in the above. There’s a master (about which little is said except that he is a/the master) and a servant or servants. Did you read it? Have you read it?

O! but doesn’t it seem to be about a certain humility to be found, or instructed toward for a servant to either assume or come to in such service? How to rightly “take place” as a servant so that in the end he might say all that might be said of himself, and of himself is a confession of unworthiness, or unprofitability. After all, he only did what he was shown/commanded to do. He did his duty is all, nothing beyond. He had to be told what to do, and in so doing only did as instructed. He “came up” with nothing of himself “I know! I’ll put a chocolate on the Master’s pillow!” No, his service (such as it was/is) is strictly bounded to only what the Master instructs/commands. In truth, implicit in the words is that nothing “beyond” is to be done, not even attempt at, or any allowance for, going for more than what is commanded. All restricted to, and by, the Master. (Shall I hit that horse again?)

“Oh, look!” we might say, “Jesus is giving a wonderful instruction in humility!” Well, yes, yes He is.

And if we are disciples, even disciples of Jesus Christ, there is some common sensing this matter of humility is very important. Who of us doesn’t either know nor is able to recite with some facility “God resisteth the proud but giveth grace to the humble”? Right? And who in their right mind wants to choose to be resisted by God while consequently, simultaneously, absenting themselves from grace? Ahh we say, this is a good lesson about being humble, I shall therefore think of myself and call myself an unworthy servant! Ahh, c’mon grace…dump it on me, Lord!

Have you tried…to be humble? As in, “Look Lord, look at how hard I am trying to think of myself as unworthy!” C’mon…grace!

I asked a page ago if “LOL” is inappropriate. God knows. As only God knows.

Nevertheless, as a thing ourselves, found in fashion(s) as men, or man, as created things; and if disciples of Jesus Christ, we (of all) know there is a Creator. (Yes, there’s another horse carcass…what do we “know”?)

But of Jesus Christ we also “know” (uh, oh) the words He speaks are spirit, and they are life.

Well, if you have tried “to be humble”, or even thought/believed Jesus’ parable was a good place to plant one’s self for positioning as in “I will think of myself as an unworthy servant just like Jesus recommends…”

(“Hey, Look Father! I’m doing what Jesus says!”)

maybe we should read again. Well, at least if we believe “all” His word(s) are spirit and life to us.

Aren’t these words…there(?):

So likewise ye, when ye shall have done all those things which are commanded you

when ye shall have done all those things which are commanded you

shall have done all those things which are commanded you

all those things which are commanded you

all those things

all.

Does that “fit” you? Then, by all means, you have the right to call yourself an unworthy servant.

(Would “LOLing” be inappropriate here?)

There’s a reason Paul called himself less than the least.

Safety.

Here’s an interesting thing about aiming. If the target is fuzzy, out of focus, not seen clearly as what it is and for what it is (God forbid we mistake that blur as a deer when it is a man) we are far better off foregoing the shot than taking it. “Oh, but I cannot afford another empty game bag for myself and family”. But how often we may learn? discover? be informed? that there is something far worse than not getting what one wants, but in the getting of something totally unwanted.

As in “Truly officer, but I thought it was a deer moving in those bushes”.

To aspire is stirred, to be inspired is divinely given, but to mistake ourselves for the only one who has done that “all” and alone is worthy to be called, or even call Himself anything, well, the seeing has a way of eclipsing all that otherwise might be found disappointing. Go ahead, take a shot at being humble, try to be an unworthy servant, seek to be all and anything you think “good”.

God forbid you find any dissuasion here.

Trying (as need be) has its end, striving has its purpose fulfilled, asking, seeking, knocking, does not go unnoticed nor unanswered. But when the door opens (or rather is shown has having been opened) to us and for us, we will not mistake the One seen as merely some better version of our own self.

But, you know this already.

If only there were some place to occupy, some word, some thing, that might fittingly fit what knows itself to be less than unworthy.

Oh!, Look, grace provides it!

A vision of Him!

Who never “tried” to be anything.

Yes, let us all boast in that light alone…even as such that might aspire to even be (O! my! such a high calling indeed!)…unworthy.

More dead horses to follow, God willing.

As only God knows.

Were we continue in this matter of light’s power, that is as such that both makes manifest and by such power of exposing reveals its utter superiority and power over darkness for its removal and/or expulsion, we might begin to appreciate its wonderful effects in, and upon, the soul. Even the soul found in earth, or earthen vessel(s). How much might be said of this! And God knows of all the how much He already has…said of this. Indeed there is no cause to add (God forbid!) but only cause of attention.

Behold is such a persuasive instruction and command. It is a command to see, and by seeing come to know a certain matter in such a way that only seeing can accomplish. Seeing brings understanding or proof(s) of matters in a way that mere words, or at very least our own mere words fall short of. “A picture” it is often said, “is worth a thousand words”. Yet there is a corollary to this, as bound to it we may find, as warmth and light may not be divided. Even heat…and light. Yes, a picture may be worth a thousand words to the common understanding of “a picture obviates the need for words”…but, just how many words has consideration of La Gioconda inspired?

Words and pictures, pictures and words. Were we to refer back to the matters of our consciousness and its nature, we would find them both at hand in usage. Sometimes we think in words, or words come to us often, and no less, images…pictures of things. Our brother on Patmos saw many images (and, not denying was also told many things), that he sought to put down in words of his beholding(s), and the words have power (by God’s inspiration) to bring us into them, that we too might “get the picture”.

And, of course, Jesus often painted with word(s). We see a picture of a father rushing to receive a prodigal son. (In mine the Father comes rushing from the left to greet a son coming from the right side of the frame as on a road. Why? I don’t know. Is it preference of some sort? Yours? How does yours look?) Suppose we are told to look closer…(dare any tell another?) is the Father laughing or weeping? The son? What is on his face? How close dare we, or are we allowed…to look and behold? Just how far is that “great way off” in your picture that the Father sees the son? How far does an old man run? Words and pictures, pictures and words. Both inspire.

These words are to help us get the picture, are they not? They even start with a “behold” as in “look and see”; and even though it seems heard far more frequently quoted to the last few words (at least in my experience) we might not get, or deliver the whole of the picture as even demonstrated by some proclivity to only recite the last few (words). Simply put: by our very own selectivity, it only shows we are not getting the full picture.

Again, we might ask “why?” Is it only a preference? Do we believe, have we believed(?) they are the “nub” of the matter and so distill them down, or conversely, up to, their true and salient meaning? To such measure as they can be singled out as capturing all that is necessary to paint the full picture? That these few are the truly important words in the “behold”?

Really, I think not.

Behold, all souls are mine; as the soul of the father, so also the soul of the son is mine: the soul that sinneth, it shall die.

What do you think?

Oh yes, dying is a very important matter…to us. If again we were to again consider our own consciousness and its oft workings to certain ends…even in avoidance of certain others, we easily see how much is devoted to the consciousness’ will to survive, to stay alive as it were at most any cost. To not perish to itself. Or, do you not know this? How that death markers are set to certain areas as in “don’t go that way”…NOT GOOD!…death is there…and thence move us to “other” roads? O! but you must know this already, right?

Only here can this be understood: There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.

All those roads (which are always one and the same) are devoted to…death. And all spring from what “man” thinks is right in his own eyes.

Even though our roads may appear so different as we perceive each other, is not the working the same? We can laugh at the fellow who says “hold my beer and watch this” and (to us) enters into some calamity in reaching for a something (that to him looks better than some death perceived and to be avoided), yes, we do. That poor schlub! Thought he was going to impress, and now look at him, and the bone protruding from his leg. Is he to be pitied? Laughed at?

Oh, but we find out so perfectly personally when we discover the same working in us…what is asked for…and what is sought; and likewise hoped to be avoided when it is our own attempts on display. Laughter is not “funny” then. Why? Because someone uninjured laughing at our own calamity…spells death! And if it be friends? How much more does that speak…of death?

So we seek according to these road markers. Yes…and death in whatever form, at whatever juncture it places a marker “down a road” is so potent to us, even if along the road we find we must change course (the man above may find out “I don’t have real friends, at all, I must choose better company” if, or when laughed at by the uninjured we once sought to impress…”those guys are deadly”) and so death becomes our teacher. Its taste is made so very real to us. It’s odor fills nostrils and minds. Small wonder then how much emphasis is placed upon “the soul that sins, it shall die”! Yes, death (and its avoidance) is extremely important to us.

Men caution each other with it, about it, and from it…and against it. And public executions, once common, surely attest to this. Watch out! Consider what road you heed to take and from “where” you then act! For if wrong enough you will be made a spectacle by your wrong choosing! Folks will even flock to watch you held out to dangle! Loving a good show of death…as long as it is not themselves. Any (or every?) man prepared to be a cautionary tale to another, or others. And it kind of “works”, doesn’t it? It seems to have some effect…but if, and only if the presumption is made that one is dealing with, or among, a company of the already living. Those in position with something to lose, or that can be lost, to death. Or at very least, death as is understood of men.

What is this thing feared to be lost to us, taken from us in whatever form it is? At least by this specter of death man assumes he sees rightly? Precisely because he presumes himself alive. Is it not a soul being (apparently) snuffed out? We may say “person”…self, loved one, dear one, friend…wherever fear of death we may assign ourselves as holding sway. (Did you feel grieved at all this morning by the thousands on the other side of this world who didn’t “make it through” while you slept?) How much smaller is the world that is ours, than the one that is? Yet we each think we know “something of the world”, rarely conceding our own self-centric view of all.

Hey! Does ignorance…smell like death to you? Poverty? Ignominy?

We could turn it of course, if need be…what smells like life? Intelligence? Adequate provision? Some acclaim? Understanding? Wisdom? Some notion of success as each might perceive it? For the rat catcher it might be 50 caught in a day, for the mogul another million found added to the ledger in black. Yes, such ends may look very different from one another to the casual observer…but isn’t the operation in all, the same? “Getting more” and/or not losing what is necessary.

And of course the ultimate reduction in all is, “Are we running from a something or to a something?” Seeking something…or merely fleeing another something? Is it that we “love” togetherness or just hate feeling alone? Oh yeah, isolation is another biggie. What we seek, how we seek, or embrace and what we seek to escape, avoid, refuse to ourselves (or loved ones) as operation of the soul is common in all.

Do I go too far afield? Should these things be beyond consideration? How close dare we “look” to get the picture? Are we allowed? Forbidden? Just be content with fuzzy outlines, gauzy and ethereal perceptions if perchance something will be filled in later? I’d be a fool to argue against contentment. But…is one man’s contentment always the same as another’s? Should we feel, if we feel, a burr under the saddle (or a pea through a hundred mattresses) pretend we do not…and so find even in this consideration the notion of “contentment” is not as plain as it might seem. Is it resignation? Or is it something else entirely like…”be content to be spurred on”? Be content to ever pursue? Or better, “be content to be ever provoked to pursue”?

Are we not, at least while in these tabernacles of clay, still moving? Discovering motion? Even if it seems we are stopped (so to speak) at what we may call some ultimate experience as we might describe of being touched of God through Christ, who hasn’t found some “go” in it? Could it be that is the only real “go” there is? All else has been illusory, even notions of prior progress…of ourselves and even all of mankind? The only true…motivating?

Behold, all souls are mine; as the soul of the father, so also the soul of the son is mine: the soul that sinneth, it shall die.

What do we see when we see this? This “thing” commanding look and see in “Behold”? Do we see only (and repeat so often)

the soul that sinneth, it shall die.(?)

I suppose we might if we do…for I sense no need to further belabor again how big and scary death is made to us in our sight. How it captures attention, provokes, moves us by what we perceive as its imperiling of life “911, what is your emergency?”

But what of life? Is there life at all in it? Can this be mined to find life? Dug into for life’s discovery? Who do we call?

Are we as convinced as we might think or claim to be of this matter?

It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.

they are spirit, and they are life.

Who is giving command/instruction to “Behold”?

And what is commanded to be beheld?

Is it really “the soul that sinneth, it shall die” or something other, or at least something very much together with it that is also to be understood?

Have we forgotten this, even as we read this:

And you, being dead in your sins and the uncircumcision of your flesh, hath he quickened together with him, having forgiven you all trespasses;

Something is always being spoken of to see by a someone who already sees and knows all things.

It either mistakenly (or even faithlessly) believes it is, or could be, in peril of losing something…even a something it fears losing that is not its own…but believes it to be, for in it and through come all and every experience that convinces a man “he is himself”.

Behold, all souls are mine; as the soul of the father, so also the soul of the son is mine:

Only in this light can this be understood:

And if ye have not been faithful in that which is another man’s, who shall give you that which is your own?

We are all and only handling any matter or all matters given to us.

As the apostle noted:

For who maketh thee to differ from another? and what hast thou that thou didst not receive? now if thou didst receive it, why dost thou glory, as if thou hadst not received it?

Was our brother John (the baptizer), of whom Jesus said “of woman born none had arisen greater” speaking by the spirit when saying this?

“A man can receive nothing except it be given him from above”

Were I to say I have come to see, or know something of self glorying; is foolish among the wise. For they would rightly say “With the amount you show you’d think you have a much better understanding of it”. And one is wise to both see that and say that. And correct.

I do not know as I ought.

Nevertheless, by the grace of God I am what I am.

I used to think/believe that was a very advanced understanding, a thing reserved only to some saying by one so very very “spiritual” and so very deeply informed. When it is merely the confession of any man who discovers he is just a man like any other, given to be who, and what he is. He, in that sense, is really just at the beginning.

It is inescapable once one sees grace shown to such, mercy poured out for such. For common man.

Even a/the chiefest of sinners. No wonder it’s written as a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptation.

For while we think ourselves better what we show is only the all that makes mercy necessary to us.

Yes, faithful are the wounds of friend. (Ministered? or Beheld?) Both?

Uh oh, Lord, now look at what I have done!

Is LOL inappropriate?

As though “LOL, I know, trust me, I felt it first before you even did it”

Are you surprised at your weakness? Stunned? Taken aback? He is not.

A friend who will laugh with us, and not at us, precisely because He is not uninjured. In being found in fashion as a man.

And neither ashamed.

Though all were heaped toward Him.

Let us go forth therefore unto him without the camp, bearing his reproach.

It’s where all is happening. It’s the only “where” where anything is happening, that is happening.

Holding the conviction that Jesus Christ is true to, and in all things, especially His word(s) is something we need help with. And it is not as though God is unknowing of this. No, (or Yes!) God knows (far better than we) the weakness of our frame. Were we to foolishly think (and there has been no greater fool I have known than myself) or entertain some notion that would, in any way, lead to some state of mind where this matter is denied, or this other matter brought to fore that would take some (or any) shape of “But Lord you don’t know what I am going through…this is unbearable!” then sure rebuke is at hand. Ahhh, rebuke!

How much am I like you? How little am I like you? You could be right if saying “This is of no matter, the question of you or I is here immaterial, the only thing that matters in all is who the Lord is” Did you think that? Would you say that? Bless you for the rebuke!

Then…who is the Lord? How is the Lord?

O! But God forbid I speak as anything but a fool. As anything more than what has been subject to all rebuke, correction, been made to see how misguided I am of myself, how many wrong turns are made possible to a man, just how much wrongness in all might be in one man, and yet find mercy. Yes, may God forbid my lying, and God help.

No (or Yes!)…I do not need some help…God help me! I need all help. Now the question might be seen in a slightly softer light “How much am I like you?” Do we need a common helper? Not common as in the commonness of dust, but common as in shared in, or with. Jesus obviously knew/knows the need, even telling the disciples to tarry in Jerusalem…until. And this instruction is given after the resurrection, after sight, after touch, after shared meals and shore lunches, passing into locked rooms (what we might call irrefutable proofs to them) of His being alive. How pumped up…even to “disbelief for joy” they were. They had proof! They saw, they knew…as much as senses could inform. Yet…tarry…

A little like a race horse just waiting for the starting gate to pop open, so ready, so ready…just pop that gate and it’s off.

No, wait. There’s something you don’t even know you need beyond all your own readiness. Oh, but you might say “The Holy Spirit is already given, the Holy Spirit is already fully abroad in all the earth, the fullness is so shed in such glorious abundance through Christ’s name that all tarrying is done, over, fulfilled…and even not needed” Yes, thank you for the correction. Yes.

No but to it, only an and. And Paul asked,”Have you received the Holy Spirit since you believed?”
Of course they didn’t know, but might it be God in His wisdom had them waiting for Paul, for a man they did not yet know, to speak to them about another matter of which they did not know, even to the end they might receive? A believer might, could…perhaps even would come to a place not dissimilar to Philip’s.

Jesus saith unto him, Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known me, Philip?

To come to find we know nothing as we ought, heard words from a someone we don’t yet fully know or understand (especially in those words) is something of a rebuke to us. But, whom does the Lord rebuke and chasten?

As many as I love I rebuke and chasten, be zealous therefore and repent.

Do we yet see how and thus rebuke is then made precious to us? Even by those words? What would we exchange to not know of His love? Would we prefer to be, or even see ourselves as those not in much need of rebuke and chastening? As those who haven’t needed it much, because well…”I’ve pretty much gotten it right all along”? I can only testify as one who both needs all the help there is, and no less, needs all the rebuke and chastening necessary. Oh, yes, we have entered a very different form of life! One that is life indeed. And if I may, may I go further? It is that very Spirit of whose help I am in all of need of, that I come to see…provides the bearing up under all this necessary rebuke. I have little doubt I would but fade away otherwise under such a heavy hand, return in all to fully acting the poser, completely given over to self deception and knowing only the death due a fraud, and without any hope. And the worse part there could be, I might still believe myself very alive to, and in Christ!

Yes, and no here. The one whose hand by which such rebuke is ministered (yes, it is a ministry of Christ) neither ask for nor needs our permission to do so, anymore than He would ask or need our permission regarding His Lordship. He sets His love where He wills. And the matter of our liking it (or not) is also a matter of no consequence. It is an odd thing yet perhaps to us (ought it to be?) that the way of learning of what and whom is of consequence comes with a continual getting out of the way, or removal, of what is of no consequence. Even as Paul said of those things lost for the sake of Christ, once of advantage to him, but now shown mere refuse, garbage, dung.

And even if, as someone I have known all too well, who cannot stand being told or shown he is wrong (or not yet right), full of errors and weaknesses about which he knew nothing (yet thinking he knew much) and as such would go about thinking he is God’s gift to the world, were to have all necessary rebuke for such a way of being, thinking, treasuring of himself…he can only testify…God is able. He is the God who both kills…and makes alive. And none can deliver from His hand. Ahhh, rebuke! What would any exchange (even if they could) to know that hand is upon them?

And I looked, and there was none to help; and I wondered that there was none to uphold: therefore mine own arm brought salvation unto me; and my fury, it upheld me.

This strange work and working is not lost on us. How that something is killing yet making alive at the same time, even in a perfect way to a perfect end is indeed different than anything we have known previously. Encouraging in rebuke. The making of a thing (as man) able to bear His heavy hand, to endure through even some taste of His displeasure, so that one might know all the pleasure God our Father Himself finds in Jesus Christ, the Son of His love. Yes, the apostle understood enough to ask a right question “Who is equal to such a task?”

He had come to see how much was “out of his own hands”. He couldn’t help, nor would he, of knowing himself to be a stench of death to some that he might be a fragrance of life to some other(s).

He hadn’t set out to this, he hadn’t planned it, he hadn’t even pursued any knowing of it, it all came as consequence to a pursuit inspired in him, a gift from another to him, a matter of not his own choosing to be anything of it. He needn’t try to be an offense anymore than any of his trying could make him acceptable before God.

And do you doubt he knew something of trying? This once Pharisee of Pharisees.

Oh, yes. He knew something of trying. And no less, of being tried. Of being in a hand that winnowed out from him all he once thought precious and of some standing. Took them, stole them, removed them by the showing of an incomparable light seen only in one other. A light in which he stood, yet also a light he knew was to be fully known at all and any cost to himself.

This is all he ever recommended. Even to such end that he would say, in all his knowing, in all his abundance of revelation, experiences, travails, labors, sorrows, comforts, sufferings, and even triumphs…”that I may know Him”.

He knew something. Even a something that caused a willing unknowing, or so pressed to it unlike anything other. A thing to be abandoned, a thing despicable in this all consuming light, a thing so common that it was uncommonly recognized of him, and spoken of, even that we might not be ignorant.

Even a thing, that in pursuit of losing to such extent as this light, the very person of Jesus Christ, provoked to; he came to loathe the notion he be found with it. Yet holding it. Yet seen embracing it. Yet be found in communing with it.

He speaks well to all who might hear for the knowing of whom Paul is. (And here I despise no other apostle nor disciple nor hold them in less repute from what might be called least to greatest)

Yet, it was given to Paul to write of this thing he longed to not be found with

And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith:

not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law,

not having mine own righteousness.

The only way to lose it, to be made separate to it, to even know of its depth of hold, or know it at all in any measure is in the light of Christ.

He alone can show it for what it is, even as He shows whom He is.

I didn’t set out to know how self righteous a man can be. I would have fainted but for one given to be all the help there is, to what needs all the help there is when it is shown. To even help a man stand under such an horrific sight of where it is being seen.

Light works. He works.

He does all things well.

There are few things more often said by believers to any perceived in doubt about the reality of Jesus the Christ’s fullness of reality than “It is not a religion, it is a relationship”.

And since no doubt there is a commonality, a communion in spirit shared amongst believers that has some expression in behaviors, both in word and [some] doings; it is often extremely tortuous to attempt to dissuade one who appears beholding (as it were) from the outside as those unconvinced, that it is not, or far more than, mere religious practices as observable doings to which many, as observers, reduce the matter. Even the believer himself finds these matters often become a sort of stumbling block, of things that seem to get in the way of expression…even if their faith takes some expression in, and through these.

We may say, and in some knowing even say “It is not a matter of going to church, or a church” or “No, it doesn’t mean you read your bible a lot, or pray a lot, or give to the poor a lot” or be “nicer” in some way, and the like. We are often left in some attempt (or find ourselves so) to make clear a thing that is exquisitely personal in nature and beyond the observable by others unless they be of same spirit…that a “someone”, a real person not of mere materiality has touched us beyond and more profoundly than any other has ever reached or touched from a place (and to a place in ourselves) that to us was previously undiscerned. No wonder the apostle said “Who is equal to such a task?”

Yes, it takes God. And likewise, no, it cannot be less than God who accomplishes. Any, or even all of man’s craftiness and crafting of words, explanations, logical reasonings…no matter how skillfully nor devotedly they may be presented can accomplish anything to this end.

Ahhh, frustration! How perfect it (even He) is found working in this to work us through this. We are found often, and in some or many ways, trying to express the inexpressible. And the some of you (if any be reading, at all) also know this is not merely reserved (this experience) to intercourse with, or among the doubtful or unbeliever. It even happens amongst those of the family of faith. That we might say (or think) “Well, it should not” or “it ought not to be” is of less than no consequence here. It happens. You know it, I know it, but most and only importantly, God knows it. The not knowing of what “should be” plain is not something of which God is unfamiliar. Were we able to foolishly assign time to God as something He labors under, we would say “He has been dealing with this for a very long time”

Do we doubt Jesus said this, even and specifically to one of His own chosen:

Jesus saith unto him, Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known me, Philip?

Now, I care not to make an example of Philip as though he is stranger to me, or one I care to distance myself from or spitefully use for some self exaltation…yet (even brother/sister) how could I prove to you that such has come in same form to one as myself “You do not know as you ought to”. Or, “When you say you know, you merely show you do not”

Ha! But I know this! I know these words come…and have.

I am no more nor less than any other finding the curious constraints of being found in fashion as a man. And if, (or better) as this is true “We hold this treasure in earthen vessels that the excellency of the power may be of God and not of us” is a matter unavoidable to acknowledging. And so that same apostle who held query came to rest after “Who is equal to such a task?” finding only resolution in God as can be accomplished only by God

For we are not as many, which corrupt the word of God: but as of sincerity, but as of God, in the sight of God speak we in Christ.

or as another translation puts it:

For we are not, as so many, peddling the word of God; but as of sincerity, but as from God, we speak in the sight of God in Christ.

O! But this is no small matter of which he speaks. O! sincerity! Sincerity! Who is, or can be sure…of their own? Who has mined past all that might be of personal gain in any doings or words to touch the naked truth? For we learn “peddling” means so much more than for mere filthy lucre, for there is an abyss of things one can reach for to his own adorning if he can show or display what appears as some mastery of matters. Pulpits may throw themselves open to him, elevating stages and dais’s, some acceptance of notoriety, an ability to ascend as one “who should be heard” may present…yet…even with and in all of this there is the far greater matter (not merely relying upon other man’s opinion or acceptance) and that is the matter of how one may prefer to see themselves. There, in that deep place, that place others do not easily see or may not even yet appreciate as being fully clear before the eyes of “Him with whom we have to do”. That place. How does one…even with God…mine past that place to touch a matter too deep…sincerity?

Yes, it is a relationship. No, it is not “a” relationship…it is the relationship. We are touching and in touch with the only true person of all personhood. I trust (and am persuaded) that Paul in all his many labors, query’s, investigations, seeking of light in a Kingdom once foreign to him even to such end as he might present it clearly or as unobstructed by matters of himself that might obscure, was given that gift of God of tireless mining. And minding. “Ask, seek, knock” were instruction not lost on him. Each answer spurred to greater marvel, each answer spurred to greater investigation.

I have little doubt (none actually) that there was a curious turning in himself, one at which he could only marvel. Even such as might be seen as in this, if God allow such presumption (or is it faith?)…a turning upon all matters so that “Why did I not see (as Saul) what is now made so plain to me in that place of being Saul in which I was so confident I saw, and knew?” To come to “Yet, even now with what I see and can affirm in such confidence (really not much different than a confidence I also once embraced in all sightlessness) what do I still…and yet…not see?” O! But this form of knowing is far different! To myself, in fact, I am no different…yet this is the strangest of knowings. As Paul I am no better than any other, not even better than that “Saul” who I know (I know! I know! I know!) was sightless! Oh my.

His plea was ignorance. He copped to it. He grabbed it. He held it and presented it. But how? And why could he be sure of it? He knew this was no expiation, no excuse as would suffice, for who has championed only the sufferings of Christ to greater degree as only sufficiency for satisfaction presentable and acceptable before God?

Yet, he claimed it. But no, it was neither excuse nor expiation, but given to him as gift and as such was not to be lightly taken. And surely not to be hoarded to himself as sole or only worthy recipient. By its work from the giver to its work in the receiver (and this work was a miner’s precious tool) his eyes were opened in greater measure to this work of the One who gives. He gave blindness even, provided sufficient ignorance [even] for the glorifying of His son, the son of His love.

So Paul, not denying his own remaining ignorance “Not that I have already attained…” also had such confidence of knowing how such “worked” toward this, the Son’s glory, that he would say:

For God hath concluded them all in unbelief, that he might have mercy upon all.

He began to understand many of the why’s and hows of God’s working, even in one such as himself. Even that same one as an apostle to the gentiles (a people formerly despised by a Pharisee of Pharisees) who came to see and know much but would yet know this writing he scribed to be true:

And if any man think that he knoweth any thing, he knoweth nothing yet as he ought to know.

Ahhh, frustration! Ahhh ignorance!

What gifts!

Through the hand of the giver…they work. And perfectly well.

Even as catalyst, as all consumed in the brightness of His coming. Even as meet fuel for this longing of His appearing.

To a promise of their end.

Just as we may say “It is not a religion, it is a relationship” to those who are mere observers, we may also come to know another thing after like manner, even Heaven… is not so much “ascension to a place, but to a person” and to and with all that are in Him.

Go instead to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.

In Him, all places are Heavenly.

Even, only so.

The references to eating for sustenance, the concept of eating/consuming as necessary for survival, even to its being a particular sign of life’s activity in a thing considered living, are most common amongst us. They are not reserved only to the believer. In truth their consideration is most pointedly and profoundly explored throughout the scriptures as a matter of truth which, to be taken in (eaten), are to be life to a thing in creation, a thing ordained to live by what it eats. A thing of all dependence, even whose dependency is made plainly known by its necessity to such engagement.

It is less a matter of God wanting us to know we exist and have being in all dependence as a created thing; but that, as a matter of truth, opens doors of truth God has purposed in grace for us to know and understand. God is not belittling of what he has created for dependence upon Him, but will and does deal with any notion of mistaking/mistaken identities.

For the believer, having both this knowledge of the uncreated life (of God) from whom all other things known as having life (creatures in creation) while in temples of clay…even the very life of God given through Jesus Christ to abide in these temples, seems to often plunge us into apparent paradoxes and contradictions. And the words seems there is not without its significance. Indeed it is our calling to come out of, or push through (solely by grace) all of what seems to what truly is that often itself seems the paradox or contradiction.

“Why?” is not a bad or evil question here if we can but approach it as supplicant in need of light rather than God’s inquisitor. Nevertheless, though presumption is never recommended, God is able to help even the presumptuous as He wills. Painful lessons…are lessons, nonetheless.

Here is repetition that for me, cannot be overstated. My own un-necessity. Regardless of whether one has read or seen any of my other foolishness, I am being persuaded that in any communication while in this, my temple of clay…I have only one shot at it, so to speak. God knows a man’s end from the beginning and presumptuous is the man who blithely assumes he will have a later to make things more clear. God knows.

But understand this if able; of all men I have not known one more presumptuous than myself. I am not writing “as a christian”, not writing as one whose words should bear or carry some heeding (and this despite all the apparent contradictions found in my many, many apparent declarations) not as one anything at all, but a man. Of that I have only enough certainty to continue. I am a creature called man. And as man man, or a man, of these I am a man most presumptuous.

I will not belabor this (though any book of my own life, which is of no consequence, would easily reveal it) but I will say it suffices to know me only as a man who has struggled to not be what he is, while in same struggle to be what he is not. And as that man has come up against a something. In trying to appear smarter, more clever, wiser…in whatever way “better” (for fear of appearing…dumb, slow, stupid…as he knew himself to be, in all unfamiliar with this experience called life) he was shown more stupid than he ever or could even imagine himself to be. He knew even far less than he thought. And in all trying to not be (what he knew himself to be) he came up again against irrefutable proofs, again, he was shown less.

So he became a fake, a fraud…a liar. Pretending he knew the dance.

A man being convinced he is just a man. Striving to be (better) or striving to not be (for escape of the worse) resulted in perfect frustration. So perfect in fact…he is convinced he was touching a consciousness, a too perfect ordering of all matters pertaining to him to just be some happenstance. Perfect resistance, as (perhaps) in anything found perfect opens a door to consider…just how perfect perfect is, or can be.

And it is no less perfect that such a man come to appreciate his own lack of necessity as to any other. He seemed at very least…necessary to himself to “be himself” but something unprepared for came with this, something often exalted among men as a paragon of behavior, even a virtuous thing, but of which he was unable to bear. Responsibility. “Be responsible” which when deconstructed is no more than “be responsible for your being”.

How does one do that?

And here, if one is tempted to think one can dissociate necessity from responsibility, one might be very, very foolish. One may have no idea when self volunteering to be “important” or of some necessity, that with it can come a revelation of unbearable responsibility, and such as only one man has been able to answer rightly. And of course this man I met while being found in fashion as a man myself…even as a man who wanted to be important among men even enough to display his necessity to and for being among them (men)…is Jesus, the Christ of God. He alone made perfect sense of, and in, this conundrum. All was of another will (against which this man [myself] had come up against) and it was perfect. A perfect will against which I had struggled, strove and found only frustration. Wanting to present a “good” I found only a produce of ill, and if wanting to avoid appearing ill, an even more desperate estate was shown.

And I would be a liar were I to not say such desire to be important held some sway even after such meeting.

Now that appears paradox, right? Even contradictory, correct? Even with all said just a few lines up of sensing that having a “one shot at things”. It would seem someone is at once saying it appears important to make a “good go” while at the same time saying all he may even think of doing in “one shot” is totally unimportant. There are “why’s” and hows of working that only God can answer, and that even such would bring us to Him alone…for answer. (See how little help I am?) How can one “know” an important thing, and not himself be swayed to believe that then makes him, in some way…important? I think one can easily see this is no less a conundrum, pickle, fix a man is in than any other.

A will, a purpose, a plan…a conscious and consciousness of doing with intent that is not of the man can be the only escape. Someone else…is the responsible one. Now that really sounds like playing with words…doesn’t it? Just shuck off all to another? Well, the alternative test/experiment is simple enough…seek to be responsible for all you are. You will inevitably come to that place (please, for the love of God if you need to, doubt me) of being so jammed up in your circumstance you will easily say, O! so easily say..”It’s their fault”. The “they” (mom, dad, “society”, circumstance and situation, the devil) bear responsibility for my being the way I am, and see myself at this point. You doubt? It’s easy enough…just keep breathing and moving through this thing called life. It’s really…all you (or any of us) have to do. The plea will be “But I am just a reactor!”

Yes. Yes you are. Me too.

There is ultimately only one Actor.

And much (if not everything) has to do with position, placement, and order. And only God…remains…God. The all responsible…One. The all important…One. The only necessity of man. That seat is His alone, and happy is the man (as he must be persuaded) to gladly let Him have it.

Sounds odd, doesn’t it…to “let God” be God? Almost heretical (yes, I have also been a heretic in addition to presumptuous) but there’s a divine rest in letting granted through the grace of the Son that slays a wicked thing devoted to wresting a throne from an untiring and omnipotent King. An all good, King.

Let God be true and every man a liar.

There are two positions described/mentioned there, take yours as it is revealed to you. It’s been provided, along with right vision in this “who’s who” of revelation that has beckoned us out from all lies. And it is good to ask, when one senses His coming, about the conditions of peace. And upon what terms can peace be had with this unconquerable King. Luke 14:31,32

We would be remiss (and are) were we to hold any of God’s creation in contempt for reviling. But there is a strict division of which we are made aware. God over all, and the all He is God over. This is no play with words nor casual use of all…or as the apostle speaks of everything, here:

For he “has put everything under his feet.” Now when it says that “everything” has been put under him, it is clear that this does not include God himself, who put everything under Christ. NIV

or

For he hath put all things under his feet. But when he saith, all things are put under him, it is manifest that he is excepted, which did put all things under him. KJV

The reigning of Christ over all things, even those unseen, is plainly stated to not include the God who has placed all things under Him (Christ). There is an “all” of which God is exempt from inclusion.

In this way God Himself is separate from the all…even the “all” others. And surely, all other things.

What then? How then? How can there be relation, relationaility to what is so very very separate and apart…even from what would be described as the all…as a man might know?

Unless He Himself, is providing link, entrance, something of Himself offered, given, made available, made real to man amongst things…as door.

As men we exalt our own reason. Our own ability to “reason” up to a thing, a matter, even a thing we call truth.

It is the foolishness of God that He reason down to us.

And it is this, this foolishness of God, greater than man’s wisdom by which we are saved.

Go ahead, try to outsmart Him if you dare, if you believe you can, if you must. You’ll find something perfect. Even a perfect will at work that caused or causes you to know perfect frustration.

I didn’t like it either. But then a man came I couldn’t avoid. He said this:

Every man therefore that hath heard, and hath learned of the Father, cometh unto me. As it is written in the Scriptures, ‘They will all be taught by God. ‘ Everyone who listens to the Father and learns from him comes to me.

Ahhh, frustration! It causes me to swear, to rue my being, to shake a fist at heaven itself in demand! Touching perfection in any way has an effect upon a man. An unforeseen effect that, if he be honest (at very least with himself) can open a door. Even a door provided.

But only God will and can provide even such honesty if it is found. To face the un-faceable.

I am a hopeless wretch of a sinner. A faller short. A misser of all I aim at.

Where is only hope for such a one? Is there…even?

Jesus answered and said unto them, This is the work of God, that ye believe on him whom he hath sent.

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Something is implicitly in question in “if”. Or is it explicitly? Might it be both…even at once?

O! so many labors about words, so much devoted to their exploration for meaning.

A man much devoted to his own sense of cleverness once said this: “Man developed language when he discovered how difficult it is to lie without it.” (And one may learn there is some consequence in any and every declaration)

Fortunately God knows how to deal with the clever, by showing Himself more so as needed. God knows how to deal with the man who likes to see himself as anything…be it clever, kind, giving, spiritual, understanding, wise, knowledgeable, better informed; any or all of the “goods” a man might hold to himself as worthy. He has sent His son as a thief in the night to plunder all of every and any man’s goods.

Man lives in a state of comparison…especially as to those matters about which, and in which, he considers himself. Rare is the man who, in his own sense of comparative goodness, is convinced these are also for the plundering. We would like ourselves to be all shiny appearing, but soon we learn the metrics for measuring that comparative shininess are so askew in all our estimations that we begin to appreciate just how lost…being lost is. O! but that fall was great…and not only so, but complete.

It is a curious matter. Forasmuch as we may consider the how of “how we’d like to see ourselves” another matter is relentlessly working in it. The more we look, the more unbearable it becomes to us. Forgive the coarseness, but like a turd in a punch bowl whose otherwise sweetness may provoke us to some desire or thirst, the moment we look to ourselves…something else is floating, undeniably seen, inescapably presented, that disgusts. And if we continue (is it appointed…this lesson?) we come to learn it matters not if it be a sweet oceanfull of most fragrant punch…we now know to look there will inevitably disclose to our beholding that taint. Anything we may think we have gained in advancement by looking to and beholding the Christ of God, Jesus the Lord; is suddenly undone the moment we seek to appreciate that advancement, or look for it, in ourselves.

“O! But this is so basic” we say. “Look not to yourselves! Look not anywhere but to the Christ of God!” Yes. Amen! And yes, again. But again, yes, there is a training. There is an experience into which we have been immersed, a thing so utterly irrefutable that in grace and by grace…we may touch what is made to us undeniably true. God would have us touch true…and truth, even to such extent we be firmly established, not merely by some dogma or doctrine we embrace…but to know we are actually (and in experience) in a firm and unrelenting grip. Someone has us. We are embraced. We are not our own.

Someone is at work far beyond what we may even desire of ourselves…even for ourselves (“Lord, but I so want to be pure!”) that sometimes may come a strange response that may even sound like the voice of a stranger…”Really? Do you really want to be pure?” that at first does not sound like a friend…for…”who would question such motive?”

This sounds like an inquisitor…not friend. But such question provokes us, such question by its coming stirs us, moves us to consider a cost at which we may rightly tremble and fear. There is something in it, that, while not denying the loveliness of purity begins a work to unearth (even in our own earthen temple) the purity of such desire and request/declaration (Lord, but I so desire to be pure!)…and whether it be grounded in truth…or just the desire to come to a place where we consider ourselves as pure, look at ourselves as pure…even in some hope to delight ourselves in our own…purity. And I dare not pretend here that I, less than some other, desire to appear shiny. (For our desires so often appear as true to us…being so intimately experienced…yet…we learn)

But here also is something other disclosed, here is something of a darkness revealed…even as a necessary thing for such disclosing. I am, to whatever extent I am, living, thinking, acting…as even the very most darkened soul of man, still in the comparative. How can this be? How can such be happening? This seems in all…wrong. This appears condemning of me…”a” me who seeks (or so I think) to know the Christ of God! Might even declare “that’s all I desire!”. (There is always a perfect hearer)

Listen if you can. I believe the apostles write/wrote of true experience, experience(s) enlightened in, and of, revelation. Or, in some other words…they didn’t speak of mere hypotheticals they to themselves imagined. They…knew. Of things worked into themselves…as true. Life and death were made very true to them, even in them.

And in such experience one wrote this:

But if, while we seek to be justified by Christ, we ourselves also are found sinners, is therefore Christ the minister of sin? God forbid.

Someone, it is made plain…has been down this road. Can this be? That in seeking to follow and know the justification that is in Christ…such sin is made known that, unless one be reproved and/or corrected by this knowing of scripture (truth, ministered of the Spirit)…one might be inclined to consider Christ is causing/ministering …the sin? As in “My following of Christ reveals too much for me to bear of this falling short, this sin, this revelation of a thing so utterly and desperately wicked, that it cannot be but that the following is producing it“. So often (always?) given to wrong conclusions.

(And thanks be to God the Spirit had that apostle declare “God forbid”!)

How much stumbling could remain here…if not made known? How much could be turned? Not merely misunderstood, but even so opposed to understanding that sin simply must be “elsewhere” than in me…for I AM the one who is alive in the Lord. I am the one who “only wants to follow”. Am I not “doing right”?

Do you think this is just playing with words?

Listen again, if you can…of what the sower says [of some]:

And have no root in themselves, and so endure but for a time: afterward, when affliction or persecution ariseth for the word’s sake, immediately they are offended.

O! but we say, “I do not want to be of that some.” I so much do not want to be of that some THAT: “I, even I, will not be of that SOME [one].”

“I will be (for I am) the good ground…”

No root…in themselves. O! but this is offensive! This is an offense!

Utterly offensive.

Listen.

With what do you read? With what do you hear?

When you read (and hear yourself…reading) what rises?

(Do you not know death precedes…rising?)

If not, what is rising from…for that what to be rising…to? Is it not to our Father, Himself?

Listen again, if you can.

Do you [we] chuckle? Are we amused? Vexed to wondering? Wonder to vexing?

The Corinthians. The Galatians. The some of the “those” and the churches addressed and rebuked in the Revelation of Jesus Christ?

The writer of Hebrews saying this:

For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat.

O! but those “those” who seemed to be failing to get it. Gee…”some others” have needed again to hear “the first principles of the oracles of God”. This obviously isn’t speaking of me! It’s the “them”.

Always the them again…

Or consider an apostle writing this…one who labored among them “bodily”, once present in flesh with them, saying:

But now, after that ye have known God, or rather are known of God, how turn ye again to the weak and beggarly elements, whereunto ye desire again to be in bondage? Ye observe days, and months, and times, and years. I am afraid of you, lest I have bestowed upon you labour in vain.

“They” missed it? “They”…didn’t get it. The “they”. Is that what rises in us as we read…and hear ourselves reading? We who “have the Word(s)”…as though the “they” really did not?

Or, as was recently said elsewhere, of the man seeking to distance himself from Adam, reads of Adam as though it is not himself? Reads of that man who would hang others out to dry “The woman YOU gave me” and does not even know his own self (from whom such woman was taken, was made)?

Always a distancing from…the them. Even reaching to God “the woman YOU…”

And make no mistake, our God knows the place(s) we assign Him in our hearts, when in comparison to an “I” or me…He is simply listed with all else as just one of the “others”. As though He and the woman now, are equal in stature in Adam’s sight. (I haven’t been able to fool Him, have you?)

Or, have you ever said, thought…or marveled at Pilate asking, having the temerity of asking…as putting into question some utter frailty of truth in his question “What is truth?” in the very presence of He who is the truth? Why don’t men…see? As though truth ultimately leans upon, rests upon, is supported only by our knowing of it, accepting of it, acknowledging…of it. Our allowing of “truth” to be.

Why don’t the “they” see? When really…isn’t the better question…why don’t I see?

O! look…I did it! In my writing I show myself liar by presenting what is not! Comparison presented, as in “better”…question!

No…it is the only question in such circumstance of wonder. “Why do I… not see?”

The answer is always too simple: I am the man who loves his own comfort more than truth.

And such a man of all men, if any have need…needs to be saved.

Even has needed someone to tell him this, someone who is able to show him, this. The man in need of salvation. A man basking in his own light of knowing and understanding.

He has needed what makes him most uncomfortable, the truth. For he neither knew it, could know it, or have it.

Believer, you’ll notice Jesus didn’t tell a “them” what spirit they were of when telling a them in rebuke “Ye know not what spirit ye are of” in responding to a question about the calling down of fire.

Was a change needed…or a consistency…lacking? Were they of Christ’s spirit…but didn’t know? The spirit of the world…but did not know? How would “they” know? Where would they go, could they go, to know? To resolve such a “Ye know not…”? )

Who would leave them in such seemingly dire straits of “not knowing”?

(I am persuaded Jesus knew/knows precisely where such must lead if a man is to have this resolved, and it cannot be to himself or any other man…only God)

And yet again, to “others”:

Ye do err, not knowing the scriptures, nor the power of God. (Where would such have to go, and would they even have that have to go…to know?) Who inspires…the need to know?

Someone is telling men, all sorts of men (every man?)…unashamed, unafraid, undeterred and at too many junctures to be ignored: “you don’t know”.

And again when one asks for special seats, for place of privilege, of advantage for their sons: “Ye do not know what you ask”.

And may God help us, for even when being told to know, or that such knowing is…comes this:

If ye had known me, ye should have known my Father also: and from henceforth ye know him, and have seen him. Philip saith unto him, Lord, shew us the Father, and it sufficeth us. Jesus saith unto him, Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known me, Philip?

Listen, we all have our “pet” doctrines, our perspectives, our way of resolving to ourselves certain matters that appear in questions of “why?” I do. I have surely moved in them. Have you?

Do we say “O, but this was before the resurrection, this was before the day of Pentecost when the Spirit came (or was made known to certain) in such great power.” Yes, we often say such. O!, but things were different after…that. And though it be true, we yet have certain testimony.

Peter’s rebuke by Paul for hypocrisy and fear of certain Jews. All the letters, rebukes, admonitions for whole churches in peril of leaving their first love, of wandering off into prideful arrogance and/or neglect of fundamental matters. And I would be more the liar were I to not say (by omitting my admissions) I have been just as that “they”. God forbid, this is not humility, this may not even be Godly fear (for only God knows). Nevertheless of this I am quite certain…it is true.

I am the “they”. I am that “them”. God help me, but even this has often fit me too well to deny:

For the name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles through you, as it is written.

What hope then? Where can one go…if seeing this? If knowing this of himself?

Where? To whom?

I can testify as surely to this as I can to any other matter I might offer in testimony “I surely did not want to know this of myself” No desire, no will toward, no hope formed of any form…to know I am of the “them”. But, I am. God knows…I am. Has always known…I am.

What then is difference? Is there difference? Dare I compare, falling back again into such matter that hid this knowing from me? At least I am not as bad as…? …Them? …I once was? …Some “other” man?

Uh, oh…a thief has been here. I can no longer find among my goods what once was.

Here are several “ifs” each to ourselves will either be recognized for confrontation and resolution from the only place of resolving…or we shall gloss over them, glance over them as provided for some “other[s]”. Mere filler to puff out a letter from an apostle that may not yet be recognized as having labored among such “ifs”…even to the end he might state them rather succinctly. (Unless one believes he merely wrote of hypotheticals, of mere supposes, of quaint issues foreign to himself and of no necessity to find resolution)

Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy,…

This same one, this same man, this same apostle would later write as to a dear son in the faith who knew him (and his manner of life) who both served him and served with him in such matters of [the] faith that to bring any question of his sincerity in these words, [I say] will have necessary consequence. I do not say this to inspire fear or as threat. A man cannot avoid bringing what he brings…when he reads, when he seeks to understand, when he “looks”…even into another’s mail.

This is from Paul to Timothy and so stated, and yes, it is very much the opening of another’s mail. To have any understanding requires some submission of place accorded as to either writer or receiver lest we be caught (as well we may be…even to an eternal purpose) by our own presumptions. Even that we may learn what liberty…is. And what it is not.

This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief. Howbeit for this cause I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might shew forth all longsuffering, for a pattern to them which should hereafter believe on him to life everlasting.

Our like, dislike, preference[s] and/or lack of them mean nothing in such clarity. This man even claimed to know the “why” of why he obtained mercy. Someone was pleased to show him, to use him as an example of what necessitated such patience in longsuffering, even by showing such longsuffering in patience toward him[self]. Here there is no claim of being right, doing anything right, but only of being the chiefest of sinners Christ Jesus found of use…for displaying mercy toward.

I am persuaded this man was persuaded against all of his previous notions of what being a shiny trophy meant. How he could not even be so persuaded till another stole all that was once counted to himself as advantage in that severely misaligned perspective once held. [For whom I have suffered the loss of all “things”]

And yet…and yet…he held a triumph.

I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:

And he saw a crown.

I am as far now from my intended intentions first considered when first scribing “Too great an if” as title as I may be. For I had another “if” in mind at that time. But now, I see something of mercy I had not seen…even then…something coming into plainer view as being “too great an if” as one we must learn, by whatever means to count as “off limits”. And as I am persuaded this is as much for me as any, and as much for any as for me (For I am every bit of “the them”, as the they, the you to even [if it be only vanity] I write.

“If you loved me you would not do me this way”

Yes, may we all be dissauded from a such by being rightly persuaded to truth.

Not forgetting, but coming to hold dear this truth:

As many as I love I rebuke and chasten, be zealous therefore and repent.

Are you rebuked…much? Chastened…much?

I almost envy…you. But then I am reminded I am of the “them”…needing such, even kept alive…through such.

In life…as such.

“If” you loved me you would care how I feel.

Really, no one cares for you as He.