Month: April 2025

I think of the Lord…our Lord.

The Lord of both heaven and earth. Not as only the Lord in heaven, though He surely is, but the Lord in, and of, all authority in it. I think of Him in His sufferings at the hand’s of man and cannot but think of His grace in His calling of man to Himself. A calling by a name, to the name, and into that name by which, and in which, that name is given to man, even to a man…who is called to be that particular any man of “If any man be in Christ.”

To be of Christ. Jesus the Christ. Not a principle nor even doctrines, not a consciousness, surely not the weakest of all a religion, nor even the most sublime (as might be attained) practices. But to a man with a name, a very particular man of that name which means “salvation is of God”. I don’t think I cannot think of Him, as it were choice-less in that matter, even if am persuaded I would prefer to. No, it is not nor was not by my choosing that He was presented into the earth.

And in that thinking that is only by His calling, I am left to consider the testimony of Himself recorded, but no less of those men, and even by those men recording.

We have the gospels, we have many letters.

And today we have a whole host (of folk) of who claim to testify of both
Him, and in often reference to those letters, a them. Men are often considered, and not un-rightly so as those who were called and also found faithful.

We have either worked this out or not, or better said, had this worked out in us by the grace of the Lord, or not.

Unless the recorders are shown faithful, and to whatever extent revealed so to us as so, the “red letters” the “black letters”, even all the letters will rest no more than upon some recommendation of others or another till God proves them (the words) so. But also and no less the recorders, as faithful recorders.

And though there may be many with great testimony of God’s sovereign intervention (for there is no intervention by God that is not of His sovereignty) and miraculous appearance in circumstance and/or situation to a persuading, even compelling to Christ, we still labor among the words. We may see signs in the heavens and in the earth beneath, see a wonder too marvelous to describe that moves us to Him. Yet, we still have those many words about Him…the many words we receive as reliable, or yet to be found so.

And the works, words, and workings of the men who recorded them.

Of what, to us, type is the man God calls? Even those whose record(s) we have in record, and have come to greatly rely upon as true. Is there any signal thing of which we might know them as set apart? They seem most common, actually, perhaps too common for some to find themselves readily admitting. For, if in speaking of a those or a “that” them as other, without including one’s self as like they (even most common of man) we not only lie in such as is called ministry; but in truth, oppose the Lord’s work, doing despite to His name. God calls to Himself through Christ what by us we might say is the common man, which to God, is man. That…any man.

That the any man is rarely if ever, not found with some covetous thinking of himself as special, or at very least quite special to himself, might be silly to have to state.

Yet, who brings to this salvation anything special of themselves? Anything but sin…which is common to man. It is all the man carries…in and of himself. All those many shortcomings.

We may even have some lean toward showing how common is the man Christ calls, yet rarely thinking it is no less ourselves. How much hay has been made of Peter’s denials? Peter’s being rebuked after he himself rebuked the Lord? His sinking when assaying to join Jesus on the waters? The brothers being rebuffed for forbidding the children. Or brothers James and John wanting to call down fire, and being reproved. Paul’s being struck blind? Even his confession of having been

(Who was) before a blasphemer, and a persecutor, and injurious: but I obtained mercy, because I did it ignorantly in unbelief.

Who is such a special man or form of him who cannot, or refuses to, see himself identified in at least one of the above? For me…Injurious? check. Blasphemer? check…and so on.

But how do we have such, even of this, Paul’s testimony of a “once” self?

We have such only because they are included, recorded by recorders who (dare not?) leave out warts and all, about themselves. Paul often and particularly…telling on himself. We may think they have shown us themselves (which they have surely) but unless it is to the end of, in their being of who they are/were, also seeing ourselves…we are simply able to chuckle at their foibles, their missteps, perhaps never seeing our own.

It’s an almost “thank goodness they were so frank…so “I” don’t have to be that way” when in all truth, we already are.

Or,

Why! I can “learn” to not be like Peter…boastful, proud, thinking himself superior in his ability to bear above his brothers:

“Even if all fall away on account of You, I never will.”
and
“And he said unto him, Lord, I am ready to go with thee, both into prison, and to death.”

O! But it is way too late for me to deny I have not known a man who thinks himself superior to his brothers. I don’t have to learn to not be like Peter! I must be won away from myself! In too many ways Peter is, in that regard, a piker compared to me in my self aggrandizement. A thinking of one’s self, superior.

And I think of Jesus telling His friends of what He must suffer and their speaking “on the way” over who of them would be counted the greatest. Oh! But who would do that? Be so consumed with themselves to not even hear what the Lord is saying of His impending death? Well, not someone…”like me”…but me precisely.

It is not unlike that friend who may come and tell another, “I have been diagnosed with stage 4” and the other replies, “Oh, yeah I get it, I hate being sick too, I had this cold one time and I was down for days…yeah, I ‘get it’…by the way, what did you bring for lunch?”

But who ever cares to think of themselves…much less confess of themselves…how dense they truly are, self consumed they are, and how, despite titles coveted and/or claimed, so called years and years of either service or sitting at the Lord’s feet (or as we might like to have others think of our attentions) we may not have even really begun to hear…and see?

Or, are really, just beginning?

There’s surely no shame in just beginning, God knows, and how that just one true word that might be squeezed out of us is so far in excess of value to all that may be spoken (or in this case, here, by me) written…as to put to shame all our other pious mutterings. Again, not “like me”…but me.

I was thinking of the writer of the Revelation of Jesus Christ, my being allowed to consider who he was, how he was, and what he was. Some so called theologians dispute over authorship, which is to me a small matter, such disputes. For he identifies himself as this:

I John, who also am your brother, and companion in tribulation, and in the kingdom and patience of Jesus Christ, was in the isle that is called Patmos, for the word of God, and for the testimony of Jesus Christ.

A man who knows and confesses Jesus Christ, knows of the tribulations found in Him, and with acknowledgement of the patience of the Lord…our Lord.
If we are able to believe the above testimony, and no less that he was found in “the spirit on the Lord’s day”, nothing is undercut by any dispute over which particular disciple he may be.

“Companion in tribulation” is what he leads with in affirming himself brother, and it cannot be lost on any who have, even if it be shown as superficial, surveyed the cross of Christ and the tribulations that lead to it.

And here I speak more of my own superficiality than any others.

How do I know myself as superficial? Mostly because I don’t like or tend to consider myself so. Of myself I like to think myself deep, and not infrequently even (insert laughter) of some wisdom. I need again, and again, and again to have this folly exposed as over and over and over, as though I know something. How many of my excursions and attitudes are shown for what they are when blowing up too plainly in my face.

And yet this brother, even this brother, in his knowing of what he knew of Jesus the Christ, his following of Jesus Christ, His confession of Jesus Christ…fell at His feet as though dead…when seeing Him as He is.

There is one who reminds, and brings to mind the Lord’s being crucified through weakness, even to the face of one who often is found so foolishly regarding his own strength(s). And I cannot, and dare not deny the over abundance of mercy shown to such a one. Yes, the patience of Jesus Christ, even as Peter wrote in referring to Paul’s letters, cannot but be counted as salvation to those who have seen how very much is availed of it toward them.

And no, it is not for any to demand or even seek to elicit such confessions from any. For any who have such testimony of the Lord’s patience toward themselves will be unable to withhold it, and if any man is not yet convinced of it and his need of such a delightful beholding (the patience of Christ) toward him, God is faithful.

About all or anything that might be said in this regard to any who may doubt…trust me don’t trust me, it is worth all the seeing. Even if the mechanism to reveal the necessity of it seems… well… unpleasant at the first; that is, being shown who is the man most in need of mercy. This finding out one is just a common man. Suffice it to say, the man who does, or thinks he does any or many things right…may not yet see a most valuable treasure purchased in blood for him…and made to that man. That any man.

And, God is faithful.

For it’s a too remarkable gift, this grace and mercy to be seen in Jesus the Lord, for any loving father to withhold. And make display…by all and every means necessary.

It really is such a small step from being the man feeling compelled to “have to be merciful” with what feels an often dread burden to be such, who ekes it out and measures it out (or so he may think) to some success, to being the man in greatest need of seeing mercy. In truth it is such a small step, so small that only the Lord, in His becoming for us the very smallest of the small was ever able to make it. And make it for us, in His becoming that small.

I am not so naive as to not know a some or many will not like such describing…for our Lord is great, and to be confessed as great among us. And indeed He is, nothing doubting. It is indeed great that He left His former estate of all glory to take on flesh and blood because of such were His brothers, and for their sakes, in obedience to His Father. And here as man He humbled Himself (as though just becoming a man were not enough!) making Himself of no reputation in the form of a servant, and was obedient (and not merely so) but specifically to death, and that, a death upon the (once shaming) cross. His steps of descent almost too marvelous to consider. And yet, they can be. As given to us and for us as gift to consider. The grace of our Lord!

And neither am I ignorant of some resistance to the proposal of the common man. For even our brother Paul testifies that in seeking to work out matters of spirit and estate, nothing matters overall but the new creation, saying:

But God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world is crucified unto me, and I unto the world. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision availeth any thing, nor uncircumcision, but a new creature.

Yes, the new man is entirely different, even in opposition and open hostility to what would be called the old man, so that in reference common man seems unfitting. “O! but the new creature is very special!” one might say. Even too unfitting for what the Lord has accomplished in behalf of His own. It may almost appear a denigration of His work. God forbid.

But it is submitted that it is only the new man that recognizes himself as common man, even a common man. It is the old man, seeing nothing but himself (nor able to) that exalts himself inwardly (and often outwardly) as something special; coveting, loving, and groping for ascent above all the others in attempt to distinguish himself.

He feels seen when seen by others, of note when noted by others, for nothing is more common than for that man to find only impetus to show himself right and as right; being (as is said) with a heart desperately wicked and unknown of and to himself, that remains unknowable. And, no less, who, always and according to his own metrics, finds all his ways right in his own eyes. He needs no help toward “feeling special” or further promoting to it. He is locked to it in knowing only himself, and of himself. And he trusts himself to not lie to himself, or in any way be false to himself in regards to his perceptions of what would be called reality. He, to himself, sees as rightly as can be.

Yet, not only so. Even in those rare moments, perhaps even precipitated by some experience of catastrophe, or some so called epiphany where he may be brought to question his former sight to some measure in the light of this new thing (or grievous error in calculations of what may befall) …he still considers himself right in doing so.

This is of such deep concern for what is called the believer as to not gloss over. He experiences a turn to faith so profound to himself and in himself that shows an overturning of what to him is/was the once was of himself and to himself. Seeing now newly, or at least differently, it remains deeply ingrained that he is now right in doing so. Even so right now, at least as he compares to former estate, that an advantage may be taken of it to a perversion…in the ease (he thinks) of seeing so many others as now remaining in the wrong, and of a lesser estate. Jesus did not warn against the leaven of the Pharisees without knowledge and wisdom. And sight.

We may begin to appreciate not only the too great of depths He plumbed in His descent in being man, and for man endured the plumbing of such depths for a rooting out by His death. But, and no less, the absolute necessity of His doing so. He must be, when this is seen and apprehended, and be known as entering that unspeakable darkness in man no man can know of himself, if He is savior.

This thing of “being right in our own eyes” is too great to be touched by any of us, for even if begun to be made known to us, we may still exalt ourselves for knowing of it. I easily confess for a dread of lying before Him, that I surely have. Oh, yes, there is an unremitting dependency, unrelenting exposure…even faithful uncovering to us of things of ourselves, which are of man, that which, and if apart from His present mercy being ministered, we would surely collapse before. And not merely strengthless to continue in this collapse (though it surely feels so) but with all conviction of a rightness too extreme to deny that “this thing must be set to not continue, there can be no rightness ever, anywhere…in the universe or even beyond if this thing is allowed to continue.” It is all and only what to that extreme merits immediate death. A killing. Even an annihilation. Oh, it is not lost on some of how very extreme this does sound in some depth of self loathing and self condemnation. And to some, no doubt it sounds too counter to even many (what are considered) sound doctrines. “There is now no condemnation…” etc.

But to those who have known it, and know of it, they have seen that deep work.
Paul did. Others have. And some know it, or have come to, where despite the all consuming awfulness of it that seems beyond any recommending, beyond any good work of any that might be done by such exposure or even confession of it as a good work…some declare it as the very good work of Christ. God, through Christ has brought a man to an agreement, at least at, and to, that point…”this thing merits nothing but death…it is even too hideous to behold without its stealing all strength”.

Yes! Yes! Of course! Yes! The deepest darkest admission of a man “about himself” (and a place no man would go, or even could go except as guided by a light) is now too plain. Shown as seen in the eyes of that light from those eyes in which nothing is hidden from sight. Before whom all is made naked and bare, before that “whom” with which we have to do. And we find there, when that touch of mercy is ministered to raise a man from all strengthless-ness and even self condemnation…we have not only been brought to agreement with God as to its necessary full stopping by [a] death, but to a deeper and further convincing of the resurrection. A man is raised.

For if we would judge ourselves (to what extreme? one might ask) we should not be judged with the world.

Paul understood how this “light” manifests in man. What it does (He does) in a man, the any man in Christ. And also, and no less, Paul saw and had dealt with a seeming persuasion that might seek, by taking advantage by a perverse logic, to deny both that light’s work and its origin. And attribute to it, in all of greater wrongness, as the thing it is not.

But if, while we seek to be justified by Christ, we ourselves also are found sinners, is therefore Christ the minister of sin? God forbid. Gal 2:17

I will neither attempt to explain nor by any attempt at explaining, make this thing more obscure.

Yes, God has given, through Christ and by Christ’s light to judge only one sinner. How thoroughly this judgment given that any man in Christ is exercised is to the extent he has seen Christ’s judgment of and for sin, and His entry into death for it, even in His becoming of it, for, and as revealed, to that any man.

And yes…it is a judgment to death, never less. We may draw back, we may even be tempted to blame the light for the things it uncovers…to which Paul says “God forbid!” And in his having learned and now knowing, Paul was made to press on with a wisdom and understanding of what was taking place in himself, and for which he was needing not some…but all endurance. Something always being put to death in himself and with which he dare not disagree, stating:

So then death worketh in us, but life in you.

Yes, Paul knew His calling, and how effectual it had been made in him, to Christ.

“But who wants death?” one would rightly ask. How could one “sell a thing” from such a place? But Paul knew, because Christ had made known first to him and then in him, this is the way, this is the way of me that I am, death to a self so that life might be at work in others. And yes, Paul was won to it. And it comes no easier to any than it did to Paul, by beholding the most thorough of death ever ministered, that a thing which was a one thing became all of the antithesis of the very thing first was.

He who knew no sin was made sin for us.

The all whom of righteousness, even all righteousness…made to be that all that righteousness is not.

And yes, by grace I am made able to say this, that the rightest thing of all ever done by God for man...felt...more unright in the one undergoing it, than any man might be able to imagine. Which is why God in wisdom has not left for imagination…but even gifted it in and through Christ to only those who have received Him. No man knows the depths of God’s love for His son or as that any man, for that any son that is His and He calls, apart from some knowing of Christ’s descent in His sufferings to win him, that any man.

And there is no way but to take it personally, as only the any man can, and as Paul understood himself to be by his having all his “other” specialness, or things that might be of advantage to count for specialness, as dung. So that in that utmost of having taken Christ…personally, he says

I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God,

who loved me, and gave himself for me.

Yes, Paul came to know of which Jesus the Christ walked daily, a purposeful ascent up that hill to an ignominious death of all appearing shame and humiliation.

Yes…”But who wants death?”…much less that death?
(Can’t I even look a little like a hero? At least to myself?)
God have mercy upon us all. Especially if we “claim” that death.

God help me.


It is so (as are all spiritual matters) counterintuitive to all and any manner of carnal/natural thought that only the spirit can lead us through. The man yet desiring to think himself special, or going about so, has not, nor cannot yet appreciate the Lord’s descent to reach man, and especially a man such as he. To pluck out by such descent a man of all commonness, as common as dust itself, that yet in all, not only tends to, but holds with death grip (till a death breaks it) that he is more than mere dust. And that he not only can, but will show himself…that more than. Never knowing dust is assigned its estate unbreakable…but for an intervention.

What can the new man see? Even confess to?

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.

Is there, or is there to be any confusing, as to who is what and what is who in that? What grasping at is made known as vain to that vessel or can be, even must be, by that treasure spoken of, and spoken of as held? Any attempts for the dirt to be more manifestly denies, by attempt, the holding of that treasure. Yes! even, yes if it be so.

What is meant? The treasure may indeed lie within, His presence in spirit quick and active to all things, and if He is present (as He is indeed that treasure spoken of) the out working of His glory, as even in His temple, must, and will lead to the man surrendering all vanity shown, if the vessel seeks to be more than it is…the vessel.
It is enough, yes, far more than enough to know oneself as a mere vessel of clay, not unlike any other, if that treasure is revealed as being held.

Ignorance excusable, as always excusable and even paid for in full to such sufficiency and depth that is unplumbable…is yet not to remain. We are not appointed to not knowing, even if and when we are convinced we do not, and of our own selves completely unable to do anything about it. That may even be some attainment, (And O! so wonderful gift of relief!) for a man to come to know (by a great patience taught) he can do nothing about his own ignorance. It could be a very good start for clay to recognize it is not more than clay. God knows.

For how easy it is to have some boast (either inwardly or outwardly, God knows) of being “a vessel of God.” But also how easily a deceiver takes advantage to have us, in a way, deny being earthen, of dust, of dirt…and seek, of itself…to be more than that. Even as in the garden.

And it may well be enough for clay to learn it will never be more nor ever stop attempting…to be more. But, it would have to be informed. And only God knows if that somehow suffices to the new man’s knowing. A simultaneous and now knowing of itself as wanting to be more, while also and in no less measure having presented in plain sight the only man who ever is that more…even the all. The clay might even find the rest from all its own furious attempts…by a death provided to it. For it, and by another. God knows. All attempts at striving to be an anything but what it is…and that by the grace of God.

But yet there is now a whole system, calling itself of God, that would hand out and/or bestow titles coveted, positions, ranks, endorsements, establish an hierarchy, and with like subsystems of such system as offspring, in forever competitions with one another to prove that their “they” are indeed, of God. Appealing to clay to be better clay.

And men are yet gathered to them and seek to gather others, not knowing what scattering is only ever accomplished of, and by dirt. “We have the treasure! Come here!” or “Here is where you must come to hear and learn of the treasure, by all means ‘Let us be the church for you’ “

So much dust cast up in that scattering that it is nothing less than miraculous and indeed gracious if any man be given to see. And it is miraculous this treasure given is/was likewise in the form of dust as we are. He embraced it, He accepted it, along with the necessity of death for it. A death He aimed at, undeterred. Keeping it always in sight as reaching toward it, in His reach of obedience to His Father.

“…for it is for this very hour I have come.”

And He has come to save us from that scattering to the winds and every wind, being blown to and fro. And if we be of Christ, we are appointed to know. To be established.

Even for whatever hour any of us have come.

We may preach, we may study, we may write, we may teach, or shepherd to whatever degree enabled by the grace of God. Prayer never discounted, God forbid.

We may do what we may think (or appears to us) by our own metrics, of much, or little. God knows. All is either done by a strength and power provided, or it is under judgment, and we will find out.

If it is not enough for us that God knows as only God knows, nothing other in all creation, nor beyond (as we might imagine) suffices. For, there is nothing other. Than God’s knowing, and His grace of imparting such…even to an any man.

For the Lord knows those who are His, and none can make of themselves more nor less so. God is not apologizing for anything He makes known, and shown, and our question if not yet satisfactorily answered to us must remain…

“What then is God showing?”

Jesus Christ is alone God’s full measure of His investment into the creation as sufficient to and for all things. By all means, and by whatever grace is made available to that any man called, he may take the measure of that measure of investment made by God. See, what God is showing.

But, if not taken personally, it has not yet begun to be taken.

In one sense that is almost too bizarre to admit to, seemingly at least among christians, all of my own walk has been nothing less than an argument. And not only so, but most usually if not always, it has been an argument I neither recognized nor knew as taking place. I have been like a man in a fight that does not even know he is in a fight.

That is bizarre no? Wouldn’t a man know when blows are landing upon him, when nose is bloodied, clothes are torn, teeth are missing and bruises abound? One would think so, yes?

But then, you’ve never met anyone as dense as myself. Maybe.

For I have been in an argument I simply cannot win. Even a fight to the death that never seemed so to me, dense as I am. And God knows, as only a god who knows everything would be the true God, could know.

Yes, He knows. Just as He also knows that in regards to myself I am no less, and certainly no more, than all those described by God to Jonah, as not knowing their right hand from their left.

It even took me reading that story (and so many many others) to think I sat with Jonah on that hill above observing, and with him, heard from God just as he had.

Yes, like a mediator I sat, understanding, or so I thought, all of Jonah’s thoughts, feelings, and points in regards to mercy shown a once great enemy of his and that God. “Yeah, Jonah,” I proffered “I sure understand, I get it…how that it just doesn’t feel right, folks who have been such an enemy end up with mercy…and that even from the hand of that God they appeared most hostile to…yeah, I really do get it” “After all,” I continued, “He was your God and not theirs”.

And, no less a mediator (or thinking myself one) I commended God for His saying. “Yep, people can sure be as stupid as not knowing their right hand from left, I sure know that too, God!” (wink wink) “And I really think it’s cool you didn’t fail to mention the cattle also, good call, it really shows how merciful you are even to dumb animals” And no less, “How you really do care for all of your creation in your sovereignty, cause didn’t even Jesus say ‘preach the gospel to all creation’?” Cool, God.

Yep, I surely could reconcile things, being such a good reconcilor. Who’d wanna fight with a guy like that, anyway…and further, not even let him know he was in a fight? After all, I understood Noah and his point of view, and got God’s, too. Even at how stupid and dense people can be…I mean…where’s the fight?

“Ain’t I allowed to agree with you, God?”

But even the densest and most oblivious of us, maybe like me, (or just me) eventually can be woken up a bit, and to certain things. Maybe it’s a limping too undeniable, or a loss of strength too profound to go unnoticed, or maybe it’s just blood…there’s too much blood, so much blood, something may even be wrong or need attention.
Yeah, the blood’s calling for attention.

And, I awoke to the argument.

It has been this from a peculiarly dense and oblivious man…a man so unstable and ignorant as fully fitting one not knowing his right from left, up from down, right from wrong, good from evil. Even a man who started that fight in his staggering, crashing into things he couldn’t see in his blurred vision, and thinking he was walking quite uprightly as drunks so often do, mistakenly.

“Really, I’m sober as a judge officer…”

Sober as a judge.

“Then tell me why you ran over those 8 people back there…”

I flunked my sobriety test. And had to know why.

You know something? A drunk will take on most everything and anybody…and this drunk was stupid enough to take on the God of all creation. Yep. Didn’t I tell you you probably haven’t met anyone like me?

But when the records came up, all too clear and too perfectly ordered to deny, even of attitudes, inner dispositions, even unspoken senses of things so hidden (or so I thought ), but now being made clear, even too clear and were presented against words spoken and deeds done…and the great irresolvable gulf between them made more than plain…BOOM!…snagged, caught, apprehended, nailed (who’d a thought He could see so deeply?) there they all were, testifying of a mercurial man, an unstable man, a hostile and pugnacious man, a drunkard throwing punches he didn’t even know he was throwing.

“Listen” said the magistrate, the judge. “Listen,” he continued “Son you got attitudes you don’t even know you got” He was being very folksy and even gentle, and it had not gone unnoticed He said, son. Was he just being patronizing, feigning a kindness? But in this setting something gripped me that I dare not say “Hey you ain’t my dad, so stop calling me son” No, this court had sobered me enough to know not to do that. That could lead to a sentence, if uttering that sentence, I dare not even consider.
Sometimes a man may just get…sober. It’s a miracle!

But he laid it out, and if I say laid it “all” out, I could definitely be wrong for I didn’t know how much more He might have to show…in fact, I never do. But what He had for this moment, He did indeed, lay out. And He is meticulous in His sight of things, and quite scrupulous to all details that His apprehension of things is undeniable. This judge…really sees. I mean, really.

“You’ve been fighting with me when I have no fight with you” He said. Boy, did that ever sting, but not as badly as one might suppose…for the hearing of “I have no fight with you”…sort of eclipsed all else that might seem unwelcome to experience…it was far better to know that…even at any cost, and hear that, even at whatever sting attendant might accompany. No, so far better that even the first pang of that sting…left. But I can’t deny, at first there was a sting. I was the man. I am “that guy”.

And then He laid it out. And man did it testify of a great instability, drunk doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Here was where, from some place unknown to me, some place too deep to be known to me…yet of me, and so undeniably so I can’t deny, came a “this”:

See here? You believe enough in salvation to…well…believe it. But there’s this little thing a’niggling underneath of that, a thing in a place it shouldn’t be and can’t remain, that has to be exposed to light.

Your idea of salvation, which you can’t look beyond by yourself doesn’t even let you see it, you even think the ripples caused by that niggling underneath, is part and parcel of the salvation you see, but once it’s dealt with that notion of salvation (or at least your perception of it) will be able to settle at least one level of depth that the occupation by that niggling thing once occupied. And you’ve been arguing with God as a result of that “thing”.

You been laboring under some notion God could be mistaken. You don’t think you think that way, don’t even want to think you may think that way. And you surely have put out a lot of words to say that that notion is totally untrue, You believe yourself convinced and convincing of others by the words.

But, the truth is, and you know it, and now that cards are on the table, so much has come from your trying to prove a thing you say is undeniable…that God made no mistake in saving…you. Which has of course, even by argument, left a door open to God possibly being in mistake. And of course, you couldn’t see that, or even imagine that was what you were doing…but God knows the why.

Because you see yourself…or at least you are totally convinced you believe you do. And what you see is so far from the God you think you see that you can’t help yourself from wondering…this and that reconciled? And you set out trying to prove God makes no mistakes, but in that deep level, you still can’t grasp the squaring of things between yourself and that God of whom, and to whom, salvation really means. You mostly, in that deep place where you believe your salvation lies, have a very hard time believing it is “for you”.

And so working comes as a result of your trying to prove, not to others, but to the very God of that salvation (for this is far deeper than can be apprehended or proved to another onlooking man) that: “See, you didn’t make a mistake in saving me”.
Yes, you are telling God, or seeking to, trying to, “You God, did not make a mistake…see?” See what I am doing? See?

And all born out of a proposition that mistake is and was possible…but just…not made.

Of course you don’t know it or see it till you do. You can’t even want or have any desire to think about it…till you can’t not think about it. Have I held God as in some possibility of mistake…simply because I can’t yet square things? Trying to prove Him all the while as the God for whom mistake is not even of His vocabulary for, or of, Himself…I go (or even others!?) about in all mistake.

Trust me don’t trust me, Paul went there.

And of course those heady moments (O! so heady!) by which the man may be brought to see that instability, that mercurialness…(when he is allowed to)… of when thinking he has nailed it spot on, so wonderfully in either word or deed, so that almost with a wink toward God for the rightness of a perfection he thinks he has achieved…in some labor, some deed, some speaking, almost in all forgetting of any former misgivings as mentioned above…the shout goes up from deep within:

Not “See? You have made no mistake!”…

But “See? No wonder you have saved one as me!”

Of course this may just be me. And I have already said maybe you have never met anyone like me. Maybe.

Salvation is so far deeper than any of those estates, and cannot be settled even one level lower in a man for establishment till all niggling things beneath be exposed to light. And I can’t deny I might be the last to the party who has only begun to see a god who is even that true God of neither shame nor pride.

Not ashamed to save (or of whom He saves) and not proud that He does.
He just…is who He is.

I have seen pride that is inexorably locked to shame. I have seen shame that locks itself to a pride. A pride that speaks. Even inwardly:

“I (I!I!I!) should have known better than to come to this place of shame”

But…I can know no better. Never could. Still can’t know better than I do.

Do you hear a something?

“Forgive them Father, they know not what they do”

Trust me don’t trust me, the sting of finding out you don’t know what you are doing is so eclipsed by the sight of mercy asked for there…a man daren’t miss it…even at the cost of being right. Or thinking he is. Or would even like (love?) to think he knows what he is doing.

But that may…just be me. God knows.
And that may just be God. God knows. That so called being right is only in coming to know how very much mercy one needs, and is made there, for all their wrongness.
It is so much more comfortable to think, act, speak, even behave (till one cannot any longer) in terms of how much others need mercy. And if you need to wake a drunk, make him uncomfortable.

God knows.

And obviously some of the above is just metaphor, or parable, or just plain vain imagination. God knows.

I’m still asking, seeking, knocking to see how all squares. How He squares what only He can.

How he is…how He is.

Till then I don’t know no better.

Someone said:

“What I am doing, you do not understand now, but you will understand later.”

As surely as I am in total need to learn what every jot and tittle may mean, much less all that blood, so much blood…I am no less in all dependence to know when later is. And means.

Without a doubt, these few pages written about an apostle who knew why, have generally focused on Paul. It could easily appear a writer is seeking to exalt him, perhaps idolize him, in some sense. Though an assurance may be offered that this is not the case by any means, it is easily understood how this could appear so.

Certain writings have been specified, even selected out for inclusion in what we call the scriptures (for our edification). Is it not true that of those collected and assembled as what is called the new testament, none other assembled group of writings give us as much insight and plain exposition of what a man experienced in himself, and declared by himself of himself, of what such a man pursuing the Lord experiences and had experienced? Paul is rich in his letters of not only what he experienced as though outwardly, but inwardly as well. Really, none other does that.

But is it not as though this adds to any legitimacy over any other letters or the gospels, God forbid. And if taken as such an extreme example of a man’s recounting of, and with much self inclusion, it might just as easily be said by any so disposed, “This man talks too much about himself”.

Yet even in all that, and if it were to be said, just think for a brief moment of all the riches presented in those writings, with mentions of self notwithstanding. How much of doctrine we accept, prescriptions of conduct as the household of God (and for when we come together as such), how much of encouragement is found not exempting healthy reproofs and rebuke, how much is relied upon so to speak, as true. But the man did neither spare himself his baring of soul, nor his own particular attentions to what is going on with him as said before, including warts and all. He is a Jew of Jews, after all.

What does that mean, “He is a Jew of Jews, after all?” Consider. Or, to keep it more scriptural, a Hebrew of Hebrews.

Consider especially the scriptures to which he often referred, as what is to us called the “Old Testament” even as what any Jew, even today, would call the scriptures. What his, or any Jew’s view of them may be in particular, from Genesis to Malachi they are accepted as the scriptures of the Jews, and for the Jews…even if not seeing their overall and beneficial applicability for all people for all of time. And surely Jesus never saw them as anything less. But it does take new eyes to see this.

But the point is this, assembled together, and read without preconceived notion or bias (is that possible? Nevertheless, I posit) they are indeed a warts and all recounting, if taken as they are, of a people whose history is rife with wrong turns, vanities and often base motives, stiffneckedness, hard headedness, with abundant internecine strivings and consequences.

Terrible and vicious leaders who resist the God often mentioned, are spiteful and unjust and in many ways worse toward each other than the oft mentioned enemies who reject their God. One might even say to such a Jew, even today, if commended to their scriptures, their writings… “Are you sure you want these to speak for you?” Or, “I just have to ask, if you don’t mind, are you a Moses Jew or a Korah Jew, a David Jew or a Saul sort of Jew (David’s own warts and all, notwithstanding), an Elijah kinda Jew or an Ahab/Jezebel sort of Jew, a Hezekiah or a Manasseh?”

Yes, if there’s any warts and all history of a people, compounded and assembled as their scriptures, their writings and history to which they look as both guide and for guidance, concluding them to be God inspired, I know of no other like it. Ahh, and if there’s any stand as might be taken of superiority for such, as having been delivered to them (or us, no less, “christians” in all we have and claim) in the giving and reception…it is never too far beyond mention…”Oh yeah, you are the people who give your own prophets such a hard time, and not infrequently kill them”. So much for any self exalting. So much for any innate wisdom and farsightedness.

And I am persuaded Saul cum Paul, who now read with spirit’s light, understanding and insight, even a farsightedness far beyond his natural brothers of his day (after whom he longed, deeply) yet as a Jew always, knew unless warts and all, of a people telling on themselves while seeking to exalt a God unseen, even the God of all creation, that God could not and would not endorse as true.

The Lord doesn’t much like only the flattering or appealing part of things, told.

The same light by which God may be made to be seen of man, and by a man, must always, and cannot but always, also show man of his true estate. Needy? Yes. Subject to perfidy? Of course. Mercurial and unstable in all his own ways? Who doubts? With a heart desperately wicked beyond knowing? Too right. Proud? Arrogant? Boastful? Even murderous? But the glory as always is, and must also and always remain if their be any honest telling of having seen that God unseen, is that to such, He causes Himself to appear…even to a saving born of the deepest of mercy. It is mercy that God allows man to see Him.

And Paul, once Saul, found out he truly was a real Jew…of the faith of Abraham, once Abram, called out from all he once knew, understood as his own, from all of milieu once familiar and common to himself, and to walk in a way “he knew not”. Which is and was, not only new to him, but indeed, is, for all called by the Lord’s name. Newness of life, is always…new. And in such light, this new man Paul, when discovering those mechanisms, traps, inherent pitfalls in both their lurking and successes at snaring of the old man, knew much.

How pride so easily takes advantage, how a seeming piety is all of false, how cleaning the outside of the cup is vain and even harmful to others, this he all came to see too well (if “too” might be used) and was never without a likewise impetus to show himself as no different than any other…even if some they were yet practicing under a deceit of such base and worldly motive. He couldn’t (and wouldn’t) tell of true, apart from telling on himself.

He understood the trap set as once set. How that man in all desperate need, weakness, fears, in all wickedness of sin and its shaming…would reach out of himself to hide such. How he could lay hold of pride, boastfulness, self exalting, some form of godliness for covering.

But what did he find of better, no, not better, incomparable glory when stripped of these things by Christ as they were exposed as weak and beggarly, of a poverty beyond describing, of a fetidness beyond description?

The only covering sufficient. Sufficient and exceeding of all sufficiency for man in his nakedness before his Creator. His Lord, His (God’s) Christ, made for him to not only be that very all which afflicts and condemns (He became sin for him as Paul took things very personally, yet not excluding us all), but far more. Paul found that place of shame removed, where once weakness and weaknesses that were diligently to be kept under wraps and hidden from one another…but where he rather boasted in them! He was no longer ashamed of the frailty of man, by which he was also once taken advantage of by an evil abettor to all sorts of mischief.

Yes, he, Paul, surely saw His Lord in all truth of spirit, but not and never apart from those particular revelations of things that inhibit, would hide from sight, cause a stumbling, would and could be used to dissuade a man from looking into the light of Christ, so that he would say:

Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices.

“For we are not ignorant of his devices”. His schemes. His seeking to take advantage of matters now made fit, and fit only, for submission to the Christ of God. Submit weaknesses to Him, in truth. Submit, when found and seen, the confession of sin to Him. Submit all, and especially that all and anything that would (and did once) tend to a shaming for hiding…BRING IT ALL INTO THE LIGHT! And don’t play games with one another seeking to appear more than you are. There is a seeing eye. And the judge is near, even at the door. And if there be fears…know the terror of the Lord and be persuaded, even that all…is due only Him!

I have known some, if not many, even in Christ, with some outward boast of being fearless, or wanting to make some show of it. And without doubt, and in ignorance, have not known themselves (nor God for that matter) to such measure as what can come upon them…in all that ignorance. And boasting. A man just like me. No, beyond that…not like me… but me. Therefore I really have no place to even mention…the “others” I have found. But, I too, am of a company, even if any might prefer my exclusion.

And it is not to promulgate fear as a savory or even righteous estate or even extol it. But there is the fear of the Lord, nevertheless. And if any, even as I once understood, and some many that may still say it means a reverential awe (with which I do not disagree), there can be an unwholesome reduction of “it” (the fear of the Lord) that to me at least, seems most often un-sensed or unseen. When I read these words, and correct my senses as need be, I come away with something a bit more? different? than just a sense of reverential awe being suggested or declared:

but I will show to you, whom ye may fear; Fear him who, after the killing, is having authority to cast to the gehenna; yes, I say to you, Fear ye Him. (Young’s Literal for clarity and accuracy)

Or, if taking the more familiar, perhaps:

But I will forewarn you whom ye shall fear: Fear him, which after he hath killed hath power to cast into hell; yea, I say unto you, Fear him. (KJV)

“I say unto you, Fear him”

That reiterating is not vain. But necessary. Jesus is not unaware of how we may make of things to be things they are not. Even in many cases, reduce them. And God forbid I say that full reverential awe and attention are less than is implied, I am simply unconvinced that cannot be entered at all, apart from, or if losing, or denying that sense of…terror.

To Paul again:

“Knowing the terror of the Lord, we persuade men” KJV, while others use “fear of the Lord”

A question might be…did Paul know “it”, the terror/fear of the Lord of which he speaks, using this word φόβον (phobon) from which we derive phobia?

It may well be that Paul, as learning in Christ and from Christ, that barring all else, even including all else…a man will always and only pay the utmost attention to what grips him with greatest fear. And that this too, even as weakness(es), shame(s), doubts, even sins are to be submitted to to the Lord…even to a liberty from, a resolution of, this thing of utmost of concern…even most dread fear, is/are to be submitted only to Him for resolution, and then perhaps right and reverential awe may indeed follow.

Perhaps it is that oddly a thing (or anything for that matter) that seems to call for most (or any) attention must be surrendered to Him who is worthy of all attention…and then they are resolved. But, if any can receive it, attention and worship can hardly be separated, even if not commonly equated. Nor understood.

Likewise when considering “the fear of the Lord”, or if considering to rightly apprehend it, we have others speaking.

“But the Lord of hosts, him you shall regard as holy; let him be your fear, and let him be your dread” Is 8:13

Not merely in this is a “thing” called fear rendered, but to have right identity… “let him be your fear, and let him be your dread” He is to be (our God, both our fear, and our dread)

Beyond these plain matters, if considered, as I am persuaded they must be, only in Christ can be resolved such things. There is provided a very effective way of God, being Christ Himself, to whom alone any and all such only seeming paradox are to be submitted, and from and in Him alone, are resolved.
Questions of “How can I love what I fear, am even terrorized by?” are not unworthy.
Or “Shouldn’t I love God as a Father more than I fear Him” no less. Surely good questions…for asking, seeking, knocking.

But if, just if Paul can be counted as faithful, and knows something of God, and knows no less, something of man, (if you doubt read his sweeping statements of the estate of all men, he was not timid to make them) then he might also understand our (man’s) tendency toward a reduction of matters to our convenience and comforts. Things seemingly easier to live with. Even all tendency to “smooth over” things that raise inner conflict (even) of necessity, that we prefer not resolved…or shelved…for fear of knowing that cost.

But then…Paul faced a conflict we may rarely consider of ourselves, as in our seeming 2000 year post appraisal of Christ and His cross. Messiah crucified…lifted up to all shame of man, scorn of man, and by such a heinous device as he knew to well spoke of a something he, in all his prior wisdom and understanding was too unbearable to consider…but of which, if we only blithely confess in rote repetitions, never grasp the beyond profound implications….”cursed is everyone that hangs upon a tree”. Messiah…made a curse? Yet…this is where Saul cum Paul…started. We, at least many of us, have yet to come to that. Is that harsh or wrong judgment? God knows.

Before we can stop being Pharisees, or even take warning about them, we may have to first be of them. And if we may think within ourselves we are immune to such tendencies…well…then the Lord’s warnings were vain, no? Or was that…only for a them? Be careful if thinking or saying that, for then how many other things, even promises…given to that them…will you also find you are casting aside?

I like context, too. And I like/am persuade/am overjoyed that God has made Jesus His Christ to be of all context, for all time, to each and every man who ever was, and is, and ever shall be. And that all of creation, and yes, even things of heaven, have been made in all, subject to Him.

Beware of not being contextual to Him.

The apostle who knew why. He also grasped quite a bit of the how of it if one believes him faithful and true to his Lord, and well beyond caring about how he himself appeared in doing so. Perhaps one might even come to believe he actually did as he said…gloried in the cross of Christ…sought to know nothing whilst among the church yet in the earth but Christ, and him crucified.

Yeah, that was a biggie for him, having never gotten over that truth that so turned all his theology and wisdom on its ear. Thanks be to God we have the record of a man who never got over that. All his study, all his piety in practice, all his seeming devotion to what was shown to be no more than his own imaginations of how things are, overturned and more…shown as offal, as dung. God’s Christ, the Messiah of all hope for ages, Moshiach himself submitting Himself to the ungodly in all ungodliness of intent, because He saw another intent, and submitted to Him in all obedience, as so far overarching all the wickedness of men’s hands and intents…that He is even able to deliver them from such wickedness. To even begin to see, aright.

And Paul knew that that He, had done that thing…for him. (Paul took things very personally) “…who loved me, and gave himself for me…”

Maybe it’s less wonder…he gloried. And maybe that’s also why he just couldn’t avoid being so personal in his writings.

Ooh, Paul, your leaking onto the pages! Don’t you know where these writings are going to end up? Ha ha ha ha ha

Nevertheless “But I am what I am by the grace of God”.

Paul, for all his seeming staunchness, his oft attributed lack of seeming tact and/or too directness…even to this day some remark of his apparent inflexibility that seems to bleed through, really, is all and only due to disregard, even discomfit, in being dealt with…so very personally. He hits that mark, seeing past all the posing and posturing, all the easy hypocrisy adopted as men shuffle for position and title, the sectarianism born not of honor or a desire for preserving truth, but corrupting it by falling to false and weak gods of self preferences.

How, though, how did he hit the mark so well, so often, so accurately? Because it had been hit…in him. He suffered it to be hit in himself. He allowed…even finding all of futility in any form of resistance that might be adopted…or even promoted. Broke down, bereft of all but Christ, and desiring to be so “that I may know Him…” he recounted how such, now counted as dung, once appeared as advantage to himself. So that broken down to what he was broken up to he would write:

For we can do nothing against the truth, but for it.

And he told us he knew the why. Have you heard it? I’m convinced you have read it.
I’m convinced you too have had wonderings about “whys”. Why don’t others see as I see? Why does the gospel take root in some but seemingly not in others? Why is it that my most plain efforts to share such good news more often (or just perhaps too often) seem to fall on deaf ears? Am I doing something wrong, perhaps…not seeing nor understanding as rightly as I imagine I do?

Why do some believe, and some don’t? And perhaps ultimately as distilled down eventually, or even in the mix somewhere, might come “why do I believe what I do believe of Jesus Christ?” even regardless of others. This question is especially worthy when coupled with, “and what do I really believe about Jesus Christ?” Sometimes, and maybe most often, these come in the wine press. When it is very important to sort out things of life and death. When things seemingly making themselves pressingly real (like life and death) squeeze a man to consider what he knows in the face of them. What he can hold…going in. What will…make it through…and in? What do…I know?

But then, maybe you haven’t. Maybe all your asking, seeking, knocking is led otherwise, God knows.

But Paul said he knew the why. At least as far as he himself was concerned in being granted salvation by the grace of God. And though he endorsed this as worthy and worthy of all acceptance, he also knew (apostles seem to know things) that he could never force it to acceptance, but that didn’t deter him from his recommendation of it for all acceptance. He knew he had no dominion over any man’s faith. He was glad to be a helper of their (even our?) joy.

And perhaps then, if looked at in that way, Paul seeking to be a helper of joy…some other vagabond soul who believes Paul faithful, might seek to work out in Christ how such a thing…even such a thing that seems almost ludicrous to state, along with commending it to worthy acceptance could be so…and could really be…to joy.

What he says, he says here:

This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief.

This is a faithful (is it faith full?) saying, and worthy of all (really, all?) acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief. (Come on Paul, what are you saying you premier apostle you! We been poring over your stuff for thousands of years trying to glean) Do you really want us to raise our hands at Sunday school and say “Paul” when asked “who was the chief sinner?” by the teacher? Is that what you mean? Ha ha ha ha ha (Do I laugh too much?)

But now to the why. At least the ultimate of why’s as far as he was concerned, when concerned, personally. The why of why he got to talk so unrelentingly about the love of God and the mercy and grace found only in Jesus Christ. The why of why he was called, the why of why what he was called to, he was called to. The why of why he faithfully ministered in that calling, and no less, live in it and by it.

Howbeit for this cause I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might shew forth all longsuffering, for a pattern to them which should hereafter believe on him to life everlasting.

Howbeit for this cause…

This is the because of it…the why of it. The cause of his obtaining mercy even as the chiefest of sinners. Christ saving a vessel in which He could especially, and specifically show forth His patience and longsuffering.

(Gee, Paul, you sure it wasn’t because you could be such a brilliant expositor? After all, you are regarded as a very smart man. And you did write a lot of deep stuff in a deep way, and that probably helped Jesus a lot with His message)

Go ahead, ask or think that if you think heaven needs more laughter.

A pattern he surely knew he could not impose, because he had not chosen it himself, and he had no power over it to impose it. But as a helper of joy he understood. He before had already come to that place of understanding in regards to certain matters he knew as true, but were still up for question to some or the “otherwise minded”. God is able to show, as only God is able to show.

But for those who believed in Christ, and no less believed Paul called of Christ as a wise master builder laying a firm and true foundation…there really is no choice, right? Because if he lies here, where else may error be found?

A pattern. A pattern to be understood amongst those who received of Paul as having received of God, through Christ.

for a pattern to them which should hereafter believe on him to life everlasting.

I think “the” we are in that hereafter. Or of that hereafter.
Do we accept the pattern? God knows.

Even as to (can it be so?) knowing this also “why” of ourselves?

Chosen not for what we might do (though we might do things), chosen not for what we might learn (though we might learn things), chosen not for what we might attain or attain to (though we might attain and attain to things)…but chosen, if we believe the pattern…as “just” a vessel by which Jesus Christ might demonstrate all longsufferinng and patience (with).

Is that too much? Still too easy to think or talk about what one has done in the Lord as for the Lord? Still too easy to think of matters learned and ready with a distribution from pulpits or lecterns or daises…and more fun to do so? Or, in some cases just too ready to lay out thoughts on WordPress.com? God knows.

But maybe not as ready to see or then admit who one knows is the real chiefest of sinners in requirement of the utmost of mercy…and longsuffering patience to make it through? Not because he has gotten anything or even near anything right ever or at all, with nothing to show…but a single hope in the God who is full of mercy to the very weakest, even less than the least of all?

Who’d a thunk joy would come packaged so? And no less, be so obvious as to require a lot of work to miss it? I used to suffer some (maybe even a lot) from what is commonly called imposter syndrome. Christ has taken the load of all posing and trying to fit, or even caring if one seems to sense that necessity.

A liar trying to tell the truth may have the most unbearable burden of all. It’s a lot of work.

And, we can do nothing against the truth, but for it.

I think I’d be something of a liar if I tried to tell you how much of mercy and patience with me I have needed and how much has been shown. For those would be only times…I know.

How often (O, God, when have I not?) even thought myself…right.

The Christ of God? Crucified?

Really?

Looks to me like Paul was not ashamed to join Him there…and glad, and gloried in it.

But, is that just me?

He sure is a helper of joy.

Oh, look, Paul has bled through, too.

I can only surmise it is because he chose not to hide himself from his own flesh.

Or better, was chosen to.

The body is all of One.

If we are able to answer the question posited at the end of the previous offering with a “yes”, that is that we do find Paul a reliable witness, a reliable expounder of those revelations received and, that for as much as we are able to discern, a sincere seeker of the Lord and a worthy instructor; it sorta behooves us to pay attention.

We can leave off, or at least I can and will, where we find his writings, as bound together impressively in what we call the Bible, The Book. We can also forgo speculations of whether or not Paul had any inkling as he wrote that his words would be found leather bound in the same volume(s) that contained Isaiah, Jeremiah, (and all the prophets) the Torah, the Psalms, etc. And that his words, by a many confessing, would be approached as having equal weight and credibility to those scriptures of which he knew well and labored in for light. If to any this appears scandalous, even heretical, that’s fine.

It’s been made plain, even by Paul himself (if we do concede to him as being faithful and his writings faithfully maintained) that he held himself of little general, or overall authority, while not denying the authority he did have. “If I be not an apostle to others…” he wrote to those he recognized as in his particular care, while reaffirming to them, “doubtless I am to you…”.

No, there is nothing that indicates, in either demeanor or writing that Paul thought himself writing as to all, and for all time. That he understood apostles and prophets as given in the church and having some foundational work necessary and constraining to lay no foundation but the Christ of God, he no less confessed to having no dominion over any man’s faith.

That God may have kept such from him, that in “ages hence” he would be looked upon with an esteem that at the time could have been a stumbling block to him, (and many other of the writers, perhaps all) might be attributed to the wisdom of God, God knows. For doubtless today his authority is accepted as the authority (or at least confessed so) in regards to many matters of the faith, church order and orderliness, plumber of deep mysteries that we may mouth blithely, and in all, not merely a faithful witness of God’s Christ, Jesus the Lord, but (and no less) also a faithful witness to his own weaknesses and even once being a blasphemer.

It very much appears that as diligent as he labors to deliver revelations he is no less occupied, nor ashamed of showing himself, as some might say, warts and all. He is, to an extent remarkable, even rare among the many other writers to show himself as most common of man, but with an assurance of Christ’s uncommon devotion and mercy that is, and makes all the difference. And consumes all that would otherwise be a shame to a man.

The all of light so far eclipsing anything that might remain, or even be mentioned, of darkness. All else besides Christ that might, even for a time seem to be, or seek to be of some significance; is to him, totally swallowed of light.
For him, from him and his writings, in him and his labors, there is nothing else to consider. If one cares to disagree with this estimation of Paul as being one seen as he is, then each shall answer for their own sight. This is not said in despite or any veiling of hostility, for I am no less subject to being judged of an inordinate affection and/or a presumption as might appear.

God forbid any idolize our brother Paul who is man, no more nor less than we ourselves. But we either see, as we are to see (is that presumption? God knows) even as amongst one another, a man who is what he is by the grace of God alone, or not. And if one is given to understand and see according to that grace, I am more than convinced few have as strenuously and doggedly sought to uphold, at least as we have record, (for God knows) that grace of Christ as appointed to be appreciated, extolled, in all ways relished and delighted in to our good, as this brother, Paul.

It took him far. (If it may not be an insult to refer to as it, this grace of God in Christ)

And if we, as mutually claiming such grace of God as to ourselves by our confession of Jesus Christ as Lord are, even in any way amazed to a remarking of that man’s labors and efforts as superior, let us not forget. That even in his note of them as such of which he was not unaware (for he did know what he had been through) he was caught mid sentence. Caught. Stopped. Apprehended to correction by the Teacher.
Even to the attributing of a power resident in this grace to propel and motivate that he dare not take to himself, God forbid. And, no less, grace also apprehends to discipline, correction, and rebuke as need be:

But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I laboured more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.

There is “yet not I” again. Yet not I.
It was God’s grace…at work.

What an I was ready to, and even started to attribute to that I of one’s self…called for an intervention. No disciple is unaware unless he be most novice. How quickly we hear and receive the correction is to that measure of maturity measured to us. But it is there for all of us just as it was no less for Paul. The moment we begin to think or express to any lengths what we have done of service, what we might take credit for, that upon that of us we might take a stand…be sure a call is issued. The yet not I will bear no unattended expression with the I of self.

But this is only known, and only can be, by those in relationship. And the growings (and groanings) in that relationship, that communion established whose depths are to be plumbed, teaches many things. Some things, if not many things utterly unbearable to any and all apart from that grace. But of such things, and even with such things once utterly unbearable and beyond admission apart from that grace, comes an ease.

The new man has no qualms in exposing the old man, even if from all perspective but the Lord’s, it is what must appear a shame to all others. The old man, with no knowledge of the new man obviously cannot display him, but also and more to the point, the old man even hides from himself as to remain…hidden. The heart that is desperately wicked, as described, has no interest, no, far beyond that, has no light at all to even see or plumb itself. What light it has is such that… “all things are right in its own eyes”.

But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!

Would it be too much for any to bear that Satan himself, full of darkness…might not at all see himself as scheming, in hand rubbing glee of all the evil and mischief in which he delights[sic] and he plans, but rather see himself as a “pretty good” form of person (though spirit)? Is that too much?

It takes light to see evil, it takes light and experience of having senses exercised to discern (as the scripture says) good from evil. No, evil cannot know itself (and therefore any other) if understood as all of darkness and lie. Yes, it may know torment and pain, and even seek the escape from it (for light is a torment to the darkness) but as to any knowing in understanding of estates…it is void. And so therefore, if light be in one he finds now the forbidding of lie, and if light be in one of Christ, it is not long before one learns the most significant target (to him) of all his own lies, has been his own self.

(Too much?)

I am convinced we shall see and know.

If we find ourselves, or rather, when we find ourselves in this life of wonder which is ours in Christ; we eventually come to that place of having far more questions than ready answers. This surely seems most counterintuitive, for it is more easily assumed that the greater of seeming progress in a thing this would not be so. But it is precisely there that things oft repeated or casually known begin to shine of our Lord’s words. Particularly “ask, seek, knock”, delivered as instruction, but not without inherent promise made.

And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

Our desire to be knowers is never thwarted, but always in Christ rightly directed. Where once the knowing of “things” quite sufficed, and was fit for our parading (which we might admit we did so love) the coming to know a person (what is the call?) is far different. There are marks of love(rs) that distinguish from the merely curious gatherer of information. And, as being treasured of lovers, they are often not easily seen. But they will be there.

And our Lord has already been marked, for us. The how and to what depth such marking are in that One who bore His soul to death in obedience and for our sakes, are at once compelling (for any called to see), yet also speak of an unplumbable depth. And this compelling is never without the greatest of eternal benefit to the one exercised by it. For the depths of those marks are the measure of His love. And no one who ever undertakes, is compelled, is even forced to see or explore the depths of that matter, is ever disappointed. No wonder…our wonder grows…and does not diminish as natural intuition might dictate. And, as we mark the marks, we ourselves are marked. He alone is not penurious in the sharing of His deepest trove of treasure that quite naturally all others would hoard to themselves, as only for themselves.

We may lick our own wounds with a self love in a hidden place; He bares to, and shares with, His…to those He loves. Even in the uncovering of all we would naturally esteem weakness.

And a change occurs.

For Christ Himself accounts as few who find, that indeed do find. Continuing in His word is not a hard thing, it is an all of an impossible thing to the man of meat (carnal) alone. And even so, what is of that carnal (meat) mind must either be changed (renewed/re-newed) or in all frustration, stopped in its tracks.

For as many as there may be, and God knows precisely how many there are, who may blithely repeat a thing as though knowing is demonstrated by some rote repetition; and by such repetition seek only to imply (or impress) to others he possesses that understanding; he has not yet considered.

Most particularly, perhaps even exquisitely in all exclusivity (to the meat mind) of how “that a thing that is not only ‘all of one thing’, but is the very substance in all expression of that thing, is made to be (not merely opposed to, but) all of that also full substance of a thing that it is not.”

For in the natural we work by differentiation, and definitions, even oppositions, so that such and such a thing is this, and such and such a thing is that…each having to abide by the assigning of what they are, no matter how many of similarities other they may share.

A rock is never a peach. The peach may be round, the rock may be round. The peach may be smooth, the rock may be smooth. They might each weigh 1/2 pound. And in some instances may even share something of coloring. Nevertheless, the rock is never peach, nor peach, rock.

Yet we say this, (following) as though with repeating we imply understanding of a “transaction” with (perhaps) little consideration of the magnitude of the thing we are saying (God help us!)

For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin;

The all that is of the very substance of all righteousness was made to be in very all, that all that is unrighteousness.

It is far more, how exceedingly more, than turning peach to stone or vice versa. In any consideration, reduced to whatever level one cares to; even peach and stone share excessively common characteristics, of nature and composition.

But if, in speaking of Christ’s case such can never be found of any approximation of sin and righteousness; for each are in truth, not merely opposed, but by very nature the all that the other is not. The peach and stone (even if could be turned) would share so many similarities incontrovertible, that on most fundamental level they would already be described and defined as close, having mass, made up of atoms…etc. Nevertheless, we all know teeth might well be broken in mistake upon that reliance.

How much more then is, and must be broken, even will be broken when we consider the eating of that truth…

He who knew no sin was made to be (not ‘like’ sin, not even a sinner, not “close” to sin, but) sin…(itself)…for us…

This is what is called a hard stop to all that is appointed (and by God’s assigned necessity alone) to all of hard stop. An apostle understood this hard stop in concluding:

for the love of the Christ doth constrain us, having judged thus: that if one for all died, then the whole died, 2 Cor 5:14 (Young’s Literal for clarity)

Death is that hard stop. Nothing only of meat enters here, and everything of mind of meat is not only prohibited, but quite summarily and fully, excluded. Even to its own necessary frustration…to death. And so it is only the man of spirit (or spiritual man) who is able to believe, see, accept…that he is a dead man, made alive. If this is let slip without intervention or interruption, the whole is in cascade to the abyss.

Now therefore, having a Lord who “ever lives to make intercession for us” (for His own) cannot ever be casually understood as by His own as less than salvation. The man thinking he preserves himself, must and will, take his place as absent from that assembly casting their crowns at His feet. Or such as of that mind will find that hard stop.

Yes, the Lord is sitting in all peace and fully established assurance insurmountable, and no less, working. And to put a fine point to it, there are minds dying to be renewed (accounted as already dead in truth), and there are marks upon them, and fragrance to them.
The truth scourges them to a life too marvelous to apprehend in former mind, while re-newed mind assures them of the power in Christ’s resurrection. Being in all contradiction inexplicable, yet even in experience of being both dead and alive. The natural mind alone never knows nor can, it is dead, nor can see life. The man of spirit is able to both behold the dead, and know the alive. And it is because of such life as in Christ, that with Christ is said “I was dead and am now alive”

Or, as this apostle wrote

I am crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live, yet not I, but Christ lives in me…

And learning of that “I” that is “yet not I” is the only way assigned man to know life.
And only by life can a man even know what man is, or even whom he himself is.

If any can receive it, or even begin to appreciate the implications of the above matters mentioned; how that God in, by, and through Christ exercised a power of undoing, even some reversal (for want of a better word) over all most fundamental of matters, and that being the righteousness of Christ and the unrighteousness of sin, and that for us; then how little must be in revelation of all things being made new. Even to the very fullest extent of what to us was, is not now what is. And what is, begs exploration and discovery, always and continually, with all necessity of abandoning of that once was.

It must be added here how weak a word reversal is, for sin did not become righteousness, God forbid! Any inferring of that would be amiss, and if could be laid to my weakness with words would be my necessity to bear such…that is, my being far amiss. But the point must not be lost that Jesus Christ, all of life, light, and righteousness was made sin for us.

And the believer will find, must find, is appointed to find not only the benefit of this, but its very necessity. For despite any and all confessions made in ignorance or of naivete, he will learn he has never understood, nor at all, (despite protestations) what sin is. All of his judgments upon good and evil, righteousness and unrighteousness (of which he once loved to make) have been skewed irreparably except such work of God in Christ be revealed to him.

To this the writer of Hebrews testifies that strong meat is reserved to those of full age, who by exercise of use have learned to discern…good and evil.

But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.

It is only the man of the spirit that, through many trials and experiences learns how convenient it is to man (particularly the religious) to always see sin as a thing he may or may not do; most often as a thing out there, while knowing nothing of the man of sin. And he has also learned the convenience of much self excusing, even his own love of it; rather than behold what appears naked and draped bloody from a tree under all scorn of man not knowing. And to understand himself rightfully (O! too rightly!) placed there. Resistance in, and to that acknowledgement, is resistance in all.

Paul, the once meticulously schooled religious persecutor known as Saul of Tarsus, came to see the wisdom of God’s work in Christ done in, by, and through the cross. That particular place no man could opt to, where to himself he is displayed as not merely ineffectual, but made devoid of all knowing of anything but death’s total immanence, and his own extreme of dependence. And not only so, but that all motions of the natural man, done in agonizing effort to preserve an agonizing soul, serve only to prolong such agony.

Oh, a man may find himself there, no doubt. Jesus surely was not the only man to have ever suffered crucifixion. Thieves and rebels found themselves there, the seditious, traitors, and insurrectionists against Roman rule and power could find themselves there. But this was only as consequence in foiling of some other intended outcome (as being a “successful thief”) and never the thing aimed at. But in Christ, as he (Paul) came to see, was all of impetus toward it, even made plain to us, and confirmed by such word as “but it is for this very hour I have come”.

The power of Jesus was not lost upon Saul cum Paul after the Damascus road. He knew who and what he had met there, later to understand an appointer had appointed him from before birth to this meeting. And so now was left to him, even as it is to any disciple to consider the how, what, and why of things. What was unbearable to have once considered, even outside the realm of consideration by the religious, he was now, not merely invited to understand, but pressed to it.

Messiah (the Christ of God) crucified? Not merely incidentally but in and of all intent, particularly? When such power is made plain of Him that resistance was not only His to exercise, but all exercised in intent to it? How could this be? What could such accomplish? Why, of all ways to the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob for whom nothing is impossible, would this be not only the way…but the only way? What…happened?

Admittedly, no man is under any obligation to accept any premise that Paul’s extensive propounding upon such matters had come in response to any questions posited above. His deep explanations and illuminations are not circumscribed by any of how I might imagine such were phrased, thought, or answered.

But if we find his declarations inspired of truth, his findings and broadcasts reliable, we might be foolish to think he is/was the only man to not find any worthy instruction in “ask, seek, knock”. As though in some sense all was handed him on a platter. (Even though in the ultimate truth of it, it was)

Perhaps some answer lay in this question we could even ask of ourselves or one another “Are we convinced that man, Paul, sought the Lord?”

Are we?

That God has given apostles called of Him, few, if any, calling themselves by the name of Christ, would dispute. Much of what is called the New Testament writings are in general attribution to them. And though the calling is never described or even entertained as a necessity to “write the scriptures” or even complete them (in whatever sense that may be taken), some have. Some have written, whose words we esteem accordingly as we do; but we also have little record (if any) of any writings of several.

Of course there are no grounds that would limit the apostle’s calling and labors to exclude writing, but that is not anywhere mentioned as part and parcel of that calling. And since we do have writings that do not anywhere expressly say “and the apostles shall”, or “are called to write” (to any specific end) it might behoove us, in what writings we may trust as apostolic, even as scripture, to investigate to some part of knowing both the necessity of the call(ing) and the end to which it is to be fulfilled in exercise.

And we know, if we do trust such writing, that there are several calls and callings, each according to the ministry of the Spirit and the supply of revelation(s) to each and for each given by that same Spirit, to fulfill such ministry. And we also affirm, without fear of contradiction, that such revelation of ministry (or callings) are all and only of the Lord Jesus Christ. But, not merely as from (which such are) but always in reference to our Lord Himself and His revelation in and to each ministry as head.

By this is meant the elder/pastor/bishop called for oversight of a flock does it according to, or is called to fulfill by the revelation of Jesus Christ as in His shepherding role. Likewise the evangelist is called to be faithful to his revelation of Jesus the evangelist; the teacher, and prophet and apostle, no less. Jesus the teacher, Jesus the prophet and Jesus the apostle (and High priest) of our confession.

I will not speak of any metric of success attained or lack thereof in this regard, but only to that faithfulness to those revelations as given and received. For immaturity (or seeming paucity of revelation) does not nullify any calling any more than agedness, maturity, and even abundance of revelation sets any above as more especially gifted, or calling for more esteem. No gifting is to be despised just as no gifting is to be seen as seat for self exaltation. Paul (an apostle) was overall quite plain as to what constitutes carnal thinking and not unclear as to who and what “is neither anything” or to be of any considerable esteem as preferred in, and among the household of God.

God alone is through Christ as husbandman who alone provides growth.

So then neither is he that planteth any thing, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase.

And as so, this writer to the Corinthians in even stern rebuke of carnality while maintaining himself as a neither anything, writes in another place of the end of all such calling(s) and ministries given in, to, and for the Church.

And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ: (with many inspired words following if one can receive them as such)

If one can receive them as such.

There is no intention to call out, berate any who oppose, or even make any case for the persistence and necessity of any or every calling mentioned, for every gift given. No particular is in either more nor less need. As in, “Surely pastors are yet needed, but apostles and prophets?…not so much”

And any opposing have already taken their stand.

Likewise have those who for God’s wisdom in Christ as providing to an “until”:

Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ:

take their stand and reception. Yet, certain matters remain.

First to those who oppose, who may say “such and such a calling or ministry” is expired. They must then confess to that “until” being fulfilled and complete for all and every in Christ, certainly not excluding themselves. (Unless they would maintain some absurd position of not “being in or of Christ”, but with enough wisdom to discern what is consigned to past and what may be allowed as in present)

Let them then, in that perfection stated to be attained, and also then as attained as end, speak.

And it is not too obtuse a contention that if taking one’s stand as in “My denomination does not receive such and such a calling as neither necessary today nor extant” he has already shown the carnality of mind identified and exposed by Paul.
For they have yet to answer this particular question to any satisfactory resolution “Is Christ divided?”

If one denominates himself, that is to the strict definition of to take a name “nomine” other than that which is given, or believe he can hold to two simultaneously, he is deceived.

A man shows himself regardless of when he may desire a better light concocted of himself for self flattery. Perhaps particularly so, in how plainly he shows himself. There are no christian denominations, there is Christ and there is else.

But likewise there may be some holding (and I am heartily convinced some are) who maintain and are maintaining a form of restoration declared that is no less corrupt in thinking. The oft proposition that God is restoring the Church and restoring to the church the calling of apostles (and yes, often prophets included as once “outdated”) is not unheard.

These too are not un-often like children in what they believe is their discovery and promotion of what is to them “this new thing” God is doing. And, like children, their desire to form clubhouses and/or promote themselves in this “new” thing has led to advertising and promotion of conferences and gatherings to celebrate what only to their eyes, lay once hidden.

Some, God knows, may even be called to such an office; but lack of maturity and understanding are on full display when in any celebration of any particular calling. And if called, such will learn.

There can be no, is to be no, will not be left long standing if so, that any thinking the church in its continuance has ever lacked apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers. Even in every age. That men may not have recognized nor accepted this is surely one more obvious conclusion, but God has never relied upon any of man’s recognition, nor even acceptation for His doing of what He does and declares.

And as surely as in all continuance (ordained of God till an “until” is reached), as there are and have been true apostles, there have no less been false. There is no church…without the true. Just as there is no church apart from the provision of true pastors, teachers, evangelists, and prophets…by God. It is God who calls and equips all and any through Christ and to propose a lapse or any absence (even for a time) is to propose that god who does not maintain a remnant. Always. Preserve, even to Himself, always a remnant. That God…who is God.

But it is for no man to take the above and seek then to make himself necessary, no matter what he may be convinced such call upon him has been. The church…is. The gifts and callings are. And they will always be found together, men’s sightlessness and ignorance notwithstanding. And also whether any particular man begs for inclusion upon some ground; as though the church is not complete without him in his calling.

Or pleads exclusion of, or to any calling to ensure to himself, not knowing, what is some gross corruption of understanding by which he thinks he stands.

God knows. God knows the clamoring.

And God sees all the contradictions and contortions man in, and by, his own reason attempts to drag into, and seeks to establish, upon some standing as in the church.

Any and all “make way for me in my calling“, regardless of its title, only shows the greatest of a deep carnality and/or immaturity of the one proceeding thus.

Yet according as there is each to their calling, there is in each and every calling a resident authority to that work. That resident, of course, is the Christ of God. Thus Paul’s execution in and of his calling as apostle was to lay a right foundation, a foundation faithful to the revelation of the Christ of God to him. And in him.

That some see, though many may declare such strenuous and diligent attention to such has made him a faithful apostle to be accepted and believed as true, it would be utmost of folly to accept only some parts of his wisdom. Even denying by practice and confession those particular parts he was not too timid to proclaim…even that “until” or till…”we all come…”

Why, Paul even expected congregations would hold several prophets among themselves. And just because any may propose a different sight and reception of how things are “today”, one would then have to concede to Paul being either quite shortsighted, if not ignorant.

He was/is not.

And though we may not see a continuing church of such (to us) recognizable order, the greater peril than admitting to blindness (which is really a small thing) is to say “it is not so”.

And since I presently write from a chair found in Georgia, USA, it is not lost on me how much infection of “if it ain’t happening in the US of A, it ain’t happening” is rampant here. But that is just a writing large (as America “lives large” in her own sight) of “If I don’t see it, do it, or see it happening, it ain’t happening” endemic to all men, till enlightened.

God is always preserving a remnant, whether seen or not. Whether in the USA, or not.

We might just be at best scattered disciples, never having ever seen the church…except most vaguely, and that by revelation. God knows. Or maybe it has come together in only the briefest of moments, not even aware it has, perhaps even lacking those sign(s) proclaiming itself the church (as adorns so many manicured lawns besides steepled buildings.)

Like subatomic particles too seemingly small or insignificant to be seen, and lasting briefest of moments by intense reactions before some reversion or absorption of them takes place, their sight is not lost on the Seer of all things. We have our schedule of events and gatherings…God has His. The brief and informal meetings…even consigned to not being a “real” assembly may be God’s work of preservation in, and even against the stilted formality we have mistakenly identified as the real and true.

We might even be so bold as to ask (or wonder) in the context of our Lord’s own words and instructions. Particularly to those matters of giving alms, or his commendations to the sheep for their entrance. “Do not let your left hand know what your right hand does” or the sheep’s reply to Christ’s commendation for being kind to Him in their visits to the sick, care for the naked, etc. Why, they didn’t even know they were doing something “good”, they didn’t even know…it was the Lord to whom such care was given.

Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungered, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?

It is not without note how often the Lord commends to an unknowing (as in alms giving) or an extreme of privacy (as in praying in one’s closet) so that any seeming piety, which tempts to broadcast and publicity, will be denied. The impetus and motive to be “seen of men” in our doings requires demolition by the Lord’s cross. Even down to ourselves in left hand/right hand ignorance of one another, that we do not take to ourselves that air or attitude wherein self exaltation for having “done good” or doing a good thing, gets a foothold. Do not doubt it is insidious. And relentlessly seeking to raise its head.

Yeah, maybe it’s just like that. “Gee Lord, we didn’t even know…we were having church, we were just looking for friends of yours” some might say when eyes are opened. Which could surely cause all or any who think in their “going to church”…they know they do a good thing, to have a caution.

Some, not unfamiliar to Jesus, kept a quite scrupulous record within themselves (and ready for expression) of their good doings. Of, and to themselves, how very well they were doing in obedience…at least until they are told the one thing they lack. Then they may walk away very sad in themselves when their storehouse of goods are shown of no value in the Lord’s light of eternal life.

What gathers…is to what?

Who gathers…is to whom?

And as far as the church overall is concerned, it does no good to be doctrinaire or dogmatic about any matters (even if addressed by an apostle), and these especially, as in “there’s gotta be this many of this, or that many of that, or that if not everyone always speaks or shares a hymn, a doctrine, a revelation (though none are ever prohibited)” something is void.

No, it’s not that, and never that at all. But be aware of any circumstance, gathering, so called meeting of the church where this is either less than encouraged, or far worse, prohibited…or even with some disposition against (for it may be subtle).

And apostles, and often prophets, eventually find out even where they themselves, are prohibited.

I wrote unto the church: but Diotrephes, who loveth to have the preeminence among them, receiveth us not.

Men have always preferred their own order to God’s, as any saint with any experience might know, even of himself. The mature will have come to recognize that matters of resistance, preference, more reasonableness (according to man’s reason) do not quit the arena of battle summarily and easily.

Our “own way” is quite dear to us.

The good fight of faith is always ongoing…and good, no matter opposition, and even the religious reasonableness encountered as against it.

Men may cry it would be chaos, it would be insupportable to any order if left unregulated by the addition (which is always a subtraction) of our better understandings and injection of framework. But that has always been the cry “how would any know?”

How would any know… “if this door is opened to wolves or sheep?”, how would any know “if a man is merely self declared or approved?”

“It will only multiply a fragmentation that already seems unconquerable” some may say, but actually of which is most perpetuated by the ones declared or declaring themselves leaders; even “allowing” for their own sectarian or denominational preferences. And thereby easily infecting so many with their own malady. For while they may wring their hands over their esteem and estate of the church, they also impede. And teach others to.
For again, as regards Diotrephes:

Therefore, if I come, I will call to mind his deeds which he does, prating against us with malicious words. And not content with that, he himself does not receive the brethren, and forbids those who wish to, putting them out of the church.

No man knows anything except by the spirit and revelation, of first the Lord, then himself, or any other. And it is not as though the Lord has left His church ill equipped for the discerning through exercise of spiritual senses to discern good from evil.

But what has only desire to perpetuate itself, thinking only in terms of its own necessity (yes, even any particular congregation as holding worthy lampstand) will never, and can never submit to the Lord’s authority if that is only matter in sight, as though the Lord is placed in position of necessity toward an “us”. Too big to fail has no power of subjection over Christ.

And an apostle understood…even to a why he himself was called.

Lord willing we will speak of it.

I kinda embarrassed myself not too long ago by something I’d said/written. At the time the words were there with some unknown conviction for their saying, but they troubled me immediately afterwards.
In one sense their implication to me was odious, almost heretical, yet I sensed a forbidding at the thought of their removal. And though at the time to me they seemed indefensible, perhaps even indefensibly wrong to the faith to some leading astray, I felt compelled to let them stand.

“Make a deal with God”. I’d written and published. And such deal was to be made in private, and kept private. It is/was to be made in the closet and kept there. There was no setting of parameters nor perimeter (as to what might only be included or excluded), only that:

“Make it of anything at all. Meet him as at a table with whatever you think you need as in an exchange with Him.

But it has to be private.

Done in a closet only you have access to. And kept private by you. Only you know what you put up as in exchange for what you ask for. And as far as you know, only you know what you are asking for.

It has to be private, is all.”

My wonder of having gone too far in presumption by this recommendation troubled me. A deal…really? Like on a car lot…with God? As in “this is what I’m willing to put up or pay for such and such a thing I want and/or ask for”? Really? Where had such instruction come from? And there was no comfort from the scriptures even though we find Jacob in Gen 28:20 dealing in such a manner.

For me, once (as I thought) plainly seen, as I thought I plainly saw it, it was the most base way of interacting/relating to/communing with the God of all creation. Not only odious, but certainly far from any recommending. And certainly not from one such as myself, considered to myself as so sophisticated in matters spiritual and of such a trained and discerning palate. (Yes, I know a very foolish man)

Besides which, in having set no parameters, even intentionally noting “Make it of anything at all…” of “with whatever you think you need as in an exchange with Him.” what doors were left as open for in that asking/dealing? Any and all mega millions lottery seekers? A successful bank heist sought? Getting away with murder? Or worse?

Yeah, I felt as though I were embarrassing myself. (Not that that feeling is too particularly foreign to me) But worse, extending a most unGodly proposition that could lead astray. Stating a deal making scenario with the Sovereign of the universe (and all other barely known and unknown places of possibility)? How just plain and stupidly foolish!

But then I was brought to remember places I have been, a man I once knew of certain mind in perceptions and conceptions, and was reminded how low our God would reach to touch a one, grab a one, and rescue a one. Even bring a man to relate, in whatever measure of rightness the man is made able to enter, to Him.

Really…what are we doing if, or when, we believe we are preaching the Lord Jesus Christ as our savior, and preach the cross? Do we forget how nonsensical it may once have appeared, even to us? How even absurd in our exquisite understanding of how a god should or must be according to that exquisiteness we accorded our reason? The man very smart to himself always has a better god (at least in mind) than the one presented as true savior. And the religious man, no less. Yes, a man always holds to himself the better god than the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, till he be disabused (how strongly? God knows!) of that notion and see its utter folly. And this is always and alone the work of God through His son. That life giving spirit of all truth.

It surely was not lost on Paul, at all. (A both very smart and once religious man) “That the preaching of the cross is to them that are perishing foolishness…” which, if taken on the face of it might indicate a very narrow interpretation…but is it? To the response of “that only holds true for the perishing” and is therefore restricted to only those. But first…yet…who of us wasn’t…the once perishing?

We may confess (and rightly so) God revealed our peril and a coming to an end that could only be resolved in a deep cry to the God who has purposed the cross of Christ. But, do all men once hearing, immediately turn to the way? Did Saul? Do we imagine in his persecutions he never heard the story? We know he had heard of the name, understood of a faction, but do we then imagine of all else surrounding he was ignorant?

There is no compulsion to believe one way or another, but I am persuaded Saul had heard much of that man whose name he once hated and all the story about Him. And how that some he persecuted to prison and death were exalting just a man, even a man seen as contrary to all his own (Saul’s) very schooled excellence in Judaism. That He had come, died for the sins of man, and was risen.

But then, something happened. A man was changed by the God who does not.

As the pieces fell together before him in revelation, thence to a perfect sense to him in such measure he can be declared a true apostle, and this by revelation(s) given, he did not forget how once, even to himself (as he could then express as overall) that the preaching of the cross does (and may) seem at first folly. And no less that:

Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men.

Do I yet hold some persuasion that there be those of whom that hold, and are even purposed to yet hold Christ as folly to an unsavory end for God’s good purpose? Yes. But I only say this as a declaration of my present estate in understanding, which I have found is always up for rebuke, dissuasion, and correction. And I have no dominion over any man’s faith.

But I have found if I would seek any sincerity for my declaration of Jesus as Lord, there is no other stance available than God does as He wills. With, and to whom, what and how He wills. That he has chosen to save any becomes more and more a miracle (only such a God can or would do) to me than once ever considered. For I have seen by both my very best of reason and intimate acquaintance of the man who deserves nothing but wrath in the light of Christ’s righteousness…yet keeps finding mercy. It is enough!

In short, the more I see of man, the more a wonder salvation becomes…especially (and cannot be overstressed) in my own self. A once…nice story…is not merely spoken of as believed, but shows that peculiarity of necessity of which nothing less, truth must be. The necessity. For apart from truth showing itself (even Himself) of all necessity, it becomes painfully plain that nothing built, except upon it…is true. Or can last, persist, be ultimately manifest as the real, or reality. And our God is both the real, and true. And His work in and through our Christ (even His Christ) is both real and eternal. Coming from a place as seming before time, coming from a place not subject to time, coming from a place that is and always is apart from any being subject to anything but God’s good pleasure. Himself.

If we believe, and have even the merest knowledge or appreciation of the cross, a question becomes, in many ways, moot: “How far would God descend, humble Himself” or “to what lengths would He (Has He?) shown Himself willing to go…to reach?”

And it has now become for me, the far better to appear the fool, even utmost of all fools, than to think I might ascribe to any limit as “this God can do, but this He won’t”…when I see the cross of Christ. And may God forbid I (or any) set limit to the extent of His will to reach…and as even having already extended His arm in Christ, to reach.

The believer does indeed believe in things too marvelous for his self to believe, and too good to be true…while yet being true. And is that curious place he cannot explain; but of which he finds himself in oft occupation and consideration. That God might and would…even save such as he, as me.

Paul was not ignorant of that estate, either. A “yet not I” who lives that not merely allows, but in all purpose gave Himself for identification.

“…who loved me, and gave himself…for me”

Yes, this gospel is exquisitely personal on every level, even to such extent that in the man, it cannot be denied. Truth established in a man, even that it might be, becomes that marvel. A true foundation that never loses wonder, and invites all exploration for a soundness unshakeable and immovable, with further wonders to disclose.

But this was entitled “The Work of Prayer” and how far it appears to have wandered from both title and seeming intent.

But every ex-god knows there are labors of which he boasts to ascribe to his Lord only, and as, and to, His glory alone. And they take place in a place unseen and even forbidden to any and all who are among those forbidden. Yet such are real and known, as every ex-god knows. And only ex-gods are given such gift to know as gift of a new work, even their delightful maintenance of their self as “ex”. And of a worthy instrument shared for that work.

Among men the hoarding of griefs and sufferings for transaction is most common. They, not knowing, are bound by them and to them, as useful as they are for often trade in a land they cannot escape but by an intervention…the land of transaction. It is their treasury to be guarded and kept to and for themselves. The “what they have put in” in efforts and grief and endurance to tilt a balance in their favor.

Do not doubt they are most prized and kept. Even to all justification “I am this way…because…” Every insult imagined or real, every frustration of their being in ready recall to justify “their way”. That peculiar tilt toward “No one knows what I have to deal with…”
Sufferings and griefs locked up by, and to themselves. A veritable and supremely guarded treasury that speaks of their right to be. Hoarded.

Yet we have a Savior who gladly gives all of His away. He is as liberal in His sufferings as He is in His joy. Refusing any right to justify His being, He is. And He was willing to enter into this land, this place of all transactional relationship.

Without complaint.

A marvel indeed. His work.

Never doubt the work of this prayer of His work. As even availing right now for you, for us:

Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word;

Now, that’s the “Work of Prayer”.

Do we feel it working?