It is good to carry some desire that God speak to you, some undeniable craving to know the truth of matters, the true way of things. And we find often that interest and curiosity end poles apart. That curiosity, even if only first motive sufficient, cannot sustain; for an interest to be satisfied requires some investment, some form of willingness to give away in hope of gain. And unless, or until that hope exceeds all consideration of seeming risk involved in investing, we remain the simply curious and subject to all manner of dissuasion. If, or when it becomes (at whatever point) too hard for us, interest/curiosity turns to another place. Or other more agreeable and facile considerations. And how we may dress these up in all manner of pious garb as though it is sufficient to keep truth at bay.
As often as we may be convinced (and are) that in some gain of truth all we have lost to risk is illusions of no value anyway…we still do not know to any certainty how many yet illusory things in us masquerade as ‘too precious’ to put up. Light it appears, is always showing us another corner not fully illuminated but needing to be, relentlessly searching out no matter how ‘far’ we may imagine we have come in either adoption to it, or friendliness toward it.
Light it appears to us ‘has its own agenda’. And we may even be persuaded to whatever extent we are, this itself is eminently interesting…to find a thing not able to be made subject to us, a thing if even in any knowing and apprehending maintains an integrity ‘not subject’. For what form otherwise, of any form of knowing, have we not bent to our own ends, not found ’employable’ by us for ‘our own use’? What, except for this light have we not made…tool?
To get and to hold may also end poles apart, though all starts with another’s giving. We may find ourselves very weak at holding and often feel discouraged, this one may not deny. As C.S. Lewis once put too trenchantly:
“Every one says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive”.
I can only say for myself the truth of some finding out of this after ‘preaching’ to others. After all, being preachy…is fun. (If one doubts this, visit most any bar or pub, there’s usually at least one stool occupied by one deep enough into his cups to ‘get preachy’). Thinking one’s self in some form, or holding some form of teaching…is also fun. But the cross, for all its depth and wonders…yes…even gloriously breathtaking work in completeness is quite another matter; and one that is ill fitting to anyone’s conception of fun. It is far far greater.
And this matter of the cross of Christ, this weighty substance of the Lord’s death in service to His God, even done for us to a cleansing, and that by the very light He Himself is to make us also children of light, is revealed to us. And here we may find fun and fulness of joy may also end poles apart.
Fun, like curiosity…even perhaps given, or allowed as experience for a start of sorts, cannot sustain. We must always be given a ‘more’. It is not that Jesus did not know how the disciples would return after being sent out. He knew well what effect upon them would be as they too discovered through His deputizing…(or do we think Jesus does not ‘know how men are’?)
But He had more to give, more to say. Even ‘set up’ by His sending in order it be spoken.
Notwithstanding, in this rejoice not that the spirits are subject unto you; but rather rejoice because your names are written in Heaven.
but rather rejoice because your names are written in Heaven.
There’s some rebuke in that, isn’t there? At very least, reproof. “Rejoice not” and “but rather”. Is it to the end that Jesus is just a party pooper? A dampener? Or is it to, even if in some experience of that dampening of excitement, and toward the creation of a greater interest by what He has said to provoke to an interest in finding out what He means…and that by what He is saying?
“We saw” the devils subject…but this…well we don’t see this yet, know nothing about this really to even be a thing for rejoicing or even worth rejoicing over…but now that you have said it Lord…
Yes, the Lord is always ruining us for lesser things. And no doubt, even though this work be entirely miraculous and true (who doubts?) we have some care of causing injury to bruised reeds and smoking flax, for the Lord will use the very weakest ‘things’, and allow their use to the end of drawing, even the weakest thing of all to that end, self interest.
To hold some curiosity about the soul’s salvation, not only to some persistence to be shown possible by immortality, but also to a great flourishing in life, may also find first impetus toward interest in that weakness of curiosity as in “can this even be possible?…maybe I should take a look”. And so a care of weakness, and for weakness is ministered, for the Lord knows our frame.
But this man, who appears to have apprehended much in regards to the cross and its work, much in visions and revelations, much in experiences of both ecstasies while not withholding experiences of despair; came to a very particular, and particularly puzzling place (if one can see it) in regards to this impetus of self interest of, and for the soul. What would otherwise be of supremest interest to the soul, its ‘own’ salvation, the pursuit of it, the apprehending and holding of it, the rightest of “right’ things to be obtained in it, he was made ready to ‘let go of’ for the sake of others.
…For I could wish that I myself were accursed from Christ for my brethren, my countrymen according to the flesh,…
What a place he came to. And for any who (this has been addressed before) are inclined to think this man spoke in hyperbole, or of some piety feigned ‘to get a point across’ and/or just relieve himself of some burdening…he begins this topical episode by saying…
I say the truth in Christ, I lie not, my conscience also bearing me witness in the Holy Ghost,
I hear “If you believe anything about me or from me, this has the uttermost endorsement I can render…” What do you hear?
Do you hear a man so consumed he does not even hold any care anymore for his ‘own’ salvation, his own ‘making it’, and not only so…but would even wish himself cut apart from the Lord, for the sake of others he knew ‘after the flesh’? And who knew more…since we so often resort to his words in instructions and impartation of revelations (do we not?) of the heights and depths of the glories of being joined to Christ?
No, I do not say he knew the all, or even most (for I do not know)…but dare we deny his “lot”? And if so…in ‘daring’ to think him untrustworty in these declarations of which he can offer no greater endorsement than as he has as verified to his conscience by the Holy Spirit, do we not put all other he may have other written…as to some doubt? Don’t try to stand on someone your exposition of logic already shows of some doubt…even when you do not know it.
Yet, here is confessing his willingness to lose the all he had of that…
Yet…how much he sounds like another, made willing to be a curse…for us.
But who would ever ‘want’ of themselves to come to such place, by their own desire? Who not only ‘would’…but could?
And so I end as I began:
It is good to carry some desire that God speak to you, some undeniable craving to know the truth of matters, the true way of things.
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