Author: israelx7

In considering the Lord’s presence in this world (as for now those who of us whom are yet in the world) as present in His body is a matter of truth. Here could be’s, should be’s, ought to be’s, might be’s must give way and afford all preeminence to that truth. Simplicity of a matter should never be confused with an ease of it, even when we find simplicity manifest does much (if not all) to make a thing once hard, easy. That almost sounds like paradox, doesn’t it? Perhaps almost is understatement.

In surgical circles I have heard this so often repeated that I cannot but believe its ubiquity among (once) students as learned from masters in their schooling is not confined to any particular region, program, peculiar methods of instruction, or sequestered group. “See one. Do one. Teach one.” in regards to certain procedures. (No doubt it takes more than the seeing of “one” neurosurgery to be let loose upon a next patient)

But the principle of observe, then do, and then teach for both any particular disciple of medicine, and for the passing on of such skill or knowledge to the end of its preservation and promulgation, is sound. But if, and only if, what is first observed is sound in practice and execution, otherwise a promotion of error(s) (if, let’s say, a teacher is shoddy) will ensue. Nevertheless, the first lesson of seeing remains preeminent and unbreakable in consequence(s); if what is seen is right and sound there is a right expectation of benefit, if what is seen is not right…well, you may understand. A student may be corrected…even later by encountering a right practitioner (who might not be able to avoid “Who taught you to do it like that? No wonder you have had to deal with so many post op infections!) but, if he is amenable to changing, even entering as though again to become a “student” he may learn a better way.

Here, of course, the analogy to medicine or surgical practice breaks down irretrievably. It cannot but be so, for there is nothing of the world nor its manner(s) that can either contain nor be fully applicable to the Kingdom we enter. And that as disciples. We are never given papers or certificates of practice that say “such and such a one’s education has been satisfactorily completed to some standard” and then can hang out a shingle. We remain in school. We remain as disciples, being taught. Even if we find ourselves in some area or arena where instruction is called for and we are granted some grace of help(ing) it is always as those still “under” instruction ourselves. We may even find what we once thought a “pull” upon us to give out (to another in seeming lack) was far less for their teaching, than our own. Oh, yes, God has a way. And a way of reminding us we are under instruction, always, as disciples. There’s even hope for the verbose.

But, as with medicine or “doctors” so we may find it amongst ourselves. “I am no novice! I will not again be put under instruction, after all, I am a teacher…(pastor, evangelist, prophet, apostle…etc”), or “I been through some things!” Aha! or ha ha ha? “I am recognized…and therefore recognize myself…” as whatever. Ha, ha, ha. Yes, this school is quite different. “I’ve been a christian for such and such years…therefore…”

No, nothing is of any account here, or Yes, something is of only account here…the Christ of God.
(Do I “beat that horse”…enough…to qualify myself? Ha, ha, ha!)

Of whom it is even spoken (yes, even that Christ, Jesus)

“Though He were a son yet learned He obedience through the things that He suffered”

Listen if you can. If you are made able.

We are not only allowed to question, we are instructed to…ask, seek, knock. And we might even question the sufferings of Christ as to gain some understanding. What are they…these things suffered? Am I even really…allowed to ask? How can I know if they are understood of right depth? Death of material form? Surely…but…all men die, after all. Others have died…in service to ideals. Even Nazis. (too much?) “Good” men have thrown themselves on grenades for comrades. “Good” men have made sacrifices to many an end they deem worthy. “Good” philanthropists. Mere suffering of some consequence to circumstance undeserved? Mandela comes to mind, who was imprisoned for opposing apartheid. There must be something different! There must be something that can be known that will help show the inexplicable depths of this matter upon which some standing is given, some understanding wrought, some insight gleaned.

What O! what is it? I need this answer not even “for others” (as it may seem when my testimony is rebuffed) but when in extremis (or such as I may consider myself in) to know that what I have confessed, have held, have trusted in as true…is true. (Do you doubt a man can be brought to such a place of being pressed to question?)

Do you think “God would not do or allow that…press me to such question!”?

Here’s another question. Do you think Paul was adventurous, or at very least, an explorer of the Kingdom into which he was drafted as a chosen one? Do you even believe Paul was a chosen one? He surely had/has many things to say of his findings there, if you believe him faithful. Do you? Or, do you think him no more than an automatic writer in some sense, a man who sat down with pen to tell (and/or explain) of things while in some trance like state? Of things that came to him apart from any understanding or experience? What do you think? Did he know? Or was he writing on the fly, so to speak? Some of both?

Let’s go deeper, then. What about Jesus (our Christ) in His saying neither the works nor the words were of himself. Did He know a difference? Was there some discerning of what could be said by Him but withheld, so that He would only speak the words given Him to speak, only do the works given Him to do? Some knowing of words that were not his own, yet coming forth from Him? Did He not then also know what not to say that might issue from Himself so that He could honestly say (even being given these very words to say):

…the words that I speak unto you I speak not of myself: but the Father that dwelleth in me, he doeth the works.

In that case even those words are to be trusted as given from the Father. And someone is “letting us in on” an operation taking place in Jesus the Christ Himself…a knowing discerning between self (and what a man might recognize as his own self) and what is coming from on High from one greater, and as all, is all and only to be said. Or done. Really then, what sort of knowing are we to have of this man, Jesus, God’s Christ, of whom we so often make mention of “having His mind”? Any? None?

And so, we find ourselves coming back to Paul (and any true apostle one may have for reference and instruction) particularly in his declaration:

But we have the mind of Christ.

Now, it is not something so easily repeated, is it, as if learned by rote? For one learns (or may) how that Jesus always speaks in and of absolutes, even if or when such words seem gray or fuzzy to us, not yet clear but nevertheless tell of something there, something real; and we are persuaded by such sensing. Such sensing is gift, treasure it if even (or better, especially when) all things appear turned upside down toward you…for we are being turned…right side up.

Listen to what I find a “funny” story. You may not find it so, but as God is witness to its happening (does that in itself make a thing true?) I find it able to bear repeating. Stop me if you have heard it, for it is not something I have kept secret.

A man on his way to work was talking to and with the Lord one morning of a thing (or things) he was seeking to understand. He had a sensing of their reality and (to him) importance. He was found trying to explain to the Lord his present experience, reduce to words how he was in this “it” that what was, and being sought for clarity. And found himself saying this: “Lord, it’s like something is there for understanding, for seeing, but it’s kinda like “it’s” moving behind a gauzy curtain, I know there’s motion and something real going on there but I just can’t see enough to grasp it, if you know what I mean?

If you know what I mean? Came back to the man before? as soon as? in a moment in the twinkling of an eye? the final “n” in mean was said.

If YOU KNOW, what I mean? Oh, the laughter there! A man asking God if God knows what the man is trying to express. As though the man in his best attempt at explaining his estate, condition, state of mind in relation to a certain matter could wonder if he had done “well enough”, explained sufficiently enough, given an adequate example or analogy…ha ha! That GOD might understand what the man…means.

Yes…the joke was on me! But the laughter was too abundant, too pure, too consuming and enveloping that even that matter sought for understanding is forgotten now as of being any import. The “other” thing that took place (and I am now so convinced was ordained to take place, provoked even by some lack of understanding) was that a far more important matter for understanding might come to that man. Gee, had he always thought like that? God can only “get the man” if the man is precise enough, exact enough, makes use of just the right words to “get God” to understand himself and where the man is in circumstance and situation?

When it becomes plain to the man that he does not even begin to understand the nature and knowing of the One he is addressing…what would you rather have? Laughter…or something else? Is it ever too late to say, or know “Man! but was I all wet, all wrong…all foolish”? And see (and hear) One laughing with you? Even how you were maneuvered to it…thankfully.

And what about…now? Can you find, have you found a “good” laugh…to be found? Good as in absolutely good. What does good cheer look like to you, so much so that we are told to “be of it” when tribulations abound…for another has overcome? Who gets to say such a thing? Who could have such authority…to not only say such a thing and that He also has the power to show it so? To have power over all that appears contradictory? All that appears paradox? All that appears foolish to the senses? Who alone can show what is past, or beyond all these “things”?

Are you in “spirit” with those who have finished their race? Well, an answer could be obvious if one is in spirit with the Finisher. The author even…of “the race”. (Of what race are you? I?…what’s our nationality? Citizenship? From where are we born?) Is the race of faith, that good fight we are told is good, is it a thing, an it, or do we share it, and in it, as in One…person?

Who are you, Lord?

“How” are you, Lord?

Do we share it (this common race hood) with those who once asked a man sleeping in a boat while a storm threatened them with such words as “Lord, do you not care that we perish?”

Really?

That’s a funny one, too.

What a strange company we find ourselves in. And there, at the head, walks (or sits) the chief bishop/shepherd, apostle of our faith, and High Priest Himself, Jesus, the Christ of God. Having done all earning of anything that may be earned of any value and eternal matter, He is. At least as far as any work may be concerned to any earning, any reward for doing, any inheritance due for being true to a Father from whom all is given.

I have glorified thee on the earth: I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do.

He said.

And this is said of Him from on High:

But unto the Son he saith, Thy throne, O God, is for ever and ever: a sceptre of righteousness is the sceptre of thy kingdom.

Thou hast loved righteousness, and hated iniquity; therefore God, even thy God, hath anointed thee with the oil of gladness above thy fellows.

And, Thou, Lord, in the beginning hast laid the foundation of the earth; and the heavens are the works of thine hands:

They shall perish; but thou remainest; and they all shall wax old as doth a garment;

And as a vesture shalt thou fold them up, and they shall be changed: but thou art the same, and thy years shall not fail. But to which of the angels said he at any time, Sit on my right hand, until I make thine enemies thy footstool?

He alone, Jesus Christ alone, that Son, alone, that being (both noun and verb at once) in Spirit (yet found in fashion as a man) is He to whom all honor and glory is given. Rightly is He called Lord.

All given in and to this strange (is peculiar better said?) company in which we find ourselves comes from Him, through Him as all that is in Him, by the Holy Spirit given in, and through, His name. Man, but don’t we find there’s a lot…to Him! In Him, and through Him…even to the inclusion of this peculiar company amongst which we find ourselves. This “company” is no less in Him! How much is there, or here! (I am always limited to understatement) For “How much!” does not begin to express the all that He is as all in all, but a man has to start somewhere; and perhaps profound wonder, which leads to even deeper wonder is not a bad place of beginning. And, here we are.

Yet, it’s not a club. Not an organization. Not even so much as a group or grouping as would lend itself to our understanding. We are in, and of, a living body. Really, the only living body there is in the earth. In that body that was raised from the dead out from the heart of the earth and has ascended to the God whom He calls “my God and your God, my Father, and your Father”. And if you (or I) are captivated by Him it is because you (or I) were captured by Him, who took captivity (to once another) captive. Yep, He’s a conqueror. And let’s be honest (wow! is that even possible?) a something needed conquering if we were to be set free.

We could, of course, go into particulars of each of our enlightenment’s as to what we know were those particular forms of depravity to which we were inclined, but for now it suffices (if we know it of ourselves) to find this an acceptable understanding (as those who have come, or are coming to their senses):

In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will.

In the above (written by an apostle to a son in the faith) the more usual translation is “may come to their senses and escape” rather than “recover themselves”. This is mentioned for the sense of clarity; for in the one it could seem a man does something to set himself free as opposed to being brought to a sensibility, a showing of how things are, that accomplishes this. There remains only one who sets free, who imparts any sensibility to and of spiritual (true) matters and who holds promise of freedom through continuance in His word. All that is being done in us, is what has been done for us. No small matter lest we confuse the “who’s who” of whence eternal and sufficient work(s) are accomplished.

And it should be plain (if it is not yet to us) that such working of deliverance must first be accomplished in any that would instruct (gently or otherwise) and that their once occupation of same place (once a captive to the devil) is real in understanding to them. It is not as though a foreman (like an apostle) is telling some workers “Hey! be gentle with all those “other kinds of folks” who may be new to this, or unskilled, not like you guys are.” But it is implicit in this that we all had to be set free, and none of these matters originate nor originated in ourselves, or have “come to us only”. There is always a caution against forgetting who delivered us (from what and who) into His Kingdom. If we do not yet know such feelings/senses of superiority are always waiting to take advantage of the believer, well, we must keep going. Pride in all its myriad forms is no small matter to be uncovered, and only one has been shown sufficient to both its uncovering and conquering while keeping Himself from its taint, with any skill or understanding. Yes, vision and sight get narrowed. And this is gift.

Not unlike “trying to be humble”, have you taken a shot at not being proud? Ha! Were you successful enough to think yourself…successful? Oh, but these matters are wonderful! Deep. Deeper than we knew…deep was, or could be. Who can take a man to where all once treasured of himself is despoiled in his sight, yet support him there, keep him from despairing in what otherwise would only be an eternal anguish of having nothing but isolation for himself, left alone to drink his own dregs?

Yes, who? And vision and sight get narrowed.

Where is boasting, then? Of what? And who?

Yes, we are a strange, peculiar company of things assembled in a body. Assembled of matters so intensely personal and exquisitely particular that were it not for a powerful working of joining to a communion we could and would be only left to this thinking “everything is far too personal to find any commonness”. Each is far too different, too uniquely formed to ever “work together”. Or be found so.

Thanks be to God it is not our work or working that is the issue of eternal consequence, but His.

We are left to marvel at how such a One works.

What greater joy is there?

Than to see and know Him in His work?

Were I to find some allowance or grace to claim a ministry (O! but that is rather high, is it not? Some claim of servant hood?) it could only be that of the beating a dead horse variety. Yet even there I tremble, for I am not even good at that. For even if seeing or finding such as may appear something to describe as what might seem a humble calling as to even be called such, O! but I yet reach too high! Yes, I think it better to forego any claim.

Nevertheless, what horse corpses appear available now? Oh, here’s one that fits the bill rather perfectly. Jesus speaks about it.

But which of you, having a servant plowing or feeding cattle, will say unto him by and by, when he is come from the field, Go and sit down to meat? And will not rather say unto him, Make ready wherewith I may sup, and gird thyself, and serve me, till I have eaten and drunken; and afterward thou shalt eat and drink? Doth he thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded him? I trow not. So likewise ye, when ye shall have done all those things which are commanded you, say, We are unprofitable servants: we have done that which was our duty to do.

We often call it the parable of the unworthy servant, called unprofitable in the above. There’s a master (about which little is said except that he is a/the master) and a servant or servants. Did you read it? Have you read it?

O! but doesn’t it seem to be about a certain humility to be found, or instructed toward for a servant to either assume or come to in such service? How to rightly “take place” as a servant so that in the end he might say all that might be said of himself, and of himself is a confession of unworthiness, or unprofitability. After all, he only did what he was shown/commanded to do. He did his duty is all, nothing beyond. He had to be told what to do, and in so doing only did as instructed. He “came up” with nothing of himself “I know! I’ll put a chocolate on the Master’s pillow!” No, his service (such as it was/is) is strictly bounded to only what the Master instructs/commands. In truth, implicit in the words is that nothing “beyond” is to be done, not even attempt at, or any allowance for, going for more than what is commanded. All restricted to, and by, the Master. (Shall I hit that horse again?)

“Oh, look!” we might say, “Jesus is giving a wonderful instruction in humility!” Well, yes, yes He is.

And if we are disciples, even disciples of Jesus Christ, there is some common sensing this matter of humility is very important. Who of us doesn’t either know nor is able to recite with some facility “God resisteth the proud but giveth grace to the humble”? Right? And who in their right mind wants to choose to be resisted by God while consequently, simultaneously, absenting themselves from grace? Ahh we say, this is a good lesson about being humble, I shall therefore think of myself and call myself an unworthy servant! Ahh, c’mon grace…dump it on me, Lord!

Have you tried…to be humble? As in, “Look Lord, look at how hard I am trying to think of myself as unworthy!” C’mon…grace!

I asked a page ago if “LOL” is inappropriate. God knows. As only God knows.

Nevertheless, as a thing ourselves, found in fashion(s) as men, or man, as created things; and if disciples of Jesus Christ, we (of all) know there is a Creator. (Yes, there’s another horse carcass…what do we “know”?)

But of Jesus Christ we also “know” (uh, oh) the words He speaks are spirit, and they are life.

Well, if you have tried “to be humble”, or even thought/believed Jesus’ parable was a good place to plant one’s self for positioning as in “I will think of myself as an unworthy servant just like Jesus recommends…”

(“Hey, Look Father! I’m doing what Jesus says!”)

maybe we should read again. Well, at least if we believe “all” His word(s) are spirit and life to us.

Aren’t these words…there(?):

So likewise ye, when ye shall have done all those things which are commanded you

when ye shall have done all those things which are commanded you

shall have done all those things which are commanded you

all those things which are commanded you

all those things

all.

Does that “fit” you? Then, by all means, you have the right to call yourself an unworthy servant.

(Would “LOLing” be inappropriate here?)

There’s a reason Paul called himself less than the least.

Safety.

Here’s an interesting thing about aiming. If the target is fuzzy, out of focus, not seen clearly as what it is and for what it is (God forbid we mistake that blur as a deer when it is a man) we are far better off foregoing the shot than taking it. “Oh, but I cannot afford another empty game bag for myself and family”. But how often we may learn? discover? be informed? that there is something far worse than not getting what one wants, but in the getting of something totally unwanted.

As in “Truly officer, but I thought it was a deer moving in those bushes”.

To aspire is stirred, to be inspired is divinely given, but to mistake ourselves for the only one who has done that “all” and alone is worthy to be called, or even call Himself anything, well, the seeing has a way of eclipsing all that otherwise might be found disappointing. Go ahead, take a shot at being humble, try to be an unworthy servant, seek to be all and anything you think “good”.

God forbid you find any dissuasion here.

Trying (as need be) has its end, striving has its purpose fulfilled, asking, seeking, knocking, does not go unnoticed nor unanswered. But when the door opens (or rather is shown has having been opened) to us and for us, we will not mistake the One seen as merely some better version of our own self.

But, you know this already.

If only there were some place to occupy, some word, some thing, that might fittingly fit what knows itself to be less than unworthy.

Oh!, Look, grace provides it!

A vision of Him!

Who never “tried” to be anything.

Yes, let us all boast in that light alone…even as such that might aspire to even be (O! my! such a high calling indeed!)…unworthy.

More dead horses to follow, God willing.

As only God knows.

Were we continue in this matter of light’s power, that is as such that both makes manifest and by such power of exposing reveals its utter superiority and power over darkness for its removal and/or expulsion, we might begin to appreciate its wonderful effects in, and upon, the soul. Even the soul found in earth, or earthen vessel(s). How much might be said of this! And God knows of all the how much He already has…said of this. Indeed there is no cause to add (God forbid!) but only cause of attention.

Behold is such a persuasive instruction and command. It is a command to see, and by seeing come to know a certain matter in such a way that only seeing can accomplish. Seeing brings understanding or proof(s) of matters in a way that mere words, or at very least our own mere words fall short of. “A picture” it is often said, “is worth a thousand words”. Yet there is a corollary to this, as bound to it we may find, as warmth and light may not be divided. Even heat…and light. Yes, a picture may be worth a thousand words to the common understanding of “a picture obviates the need for words”…but, just how many words has consideration of La Gioconda inspired?

Words and pictures, pictures and words. Were we to refer back to the matters of our consciousness and its nature, we would find them both at hand in usage. Sometimes we think in words, or words come to us often, and no less, images…pictures of things. Our brother on Patmos saw many images (and, not denying was also told many things), that he sought to put down in words of his beholding(s), and the words have power (by God’s inspiration) to bring us into them, that we too might “get the picture”.

And, of course, Jesus often painted with word(s). We see a picture of a father rushing to receive a prodigal son. (In mine the Father comes rushing from the left to greet a son coming from the right side of the frame as on a road. Why? I don’t know. Is it preference of some sort? Yours? How does yours look?) Suppose we are told to look closer…(dare any tell another?) is the Father laughing or weeping? The son? What is on his face? How close dare we, or are we allowed…to look and behold? Just how far is that “great way off” in your picture that the Father sees the son? How far does an old man run? Words and pictures, pictures and words. Both inspire.

These words are to help us get the picture, are they not? They even start with a “behold” as in “look and see”; and even though it seems heard far more frequently quoted to the last few words (at least in my experience) we might not get, or deliver the whole of the picture as even demonstrated by some proclivity to only recite the last few (words). Simply put: by our very own selectivity, it only shows we are not getting the full picture.

Again, we might ask “why?” Is it only a preference? Do we believe, have we believed(?) they are the “nub” of the matter and so distill them down, or conversely, up to, their true and salient meaning? To such measure as they can be singled out as capturing all that is necessary to paint the full picture? That these few are the truly important words in the “behold”?

Really, I think not.

Behold, all souls are mine; as the soul of the father, so also the soul of the son is mine: the soul that sinneth, it shall die.

What do you think?

Oh yes, dying is a very important matter…to us. If again we were to again consider our own consciousness and its oft workings to certain ends…even in avoidance of certain others, we easily see how much is devoted to the consciousness’ will to survive, to stay alive as it were at most any cost. To not perish to itself. Or, do you not know this? How that death markers are set to certain areas as in “don’t go that way”…NOT GOOD!…death is there…and thence move us to “other” roads? O! but you must know this already, right?

Only here can this be understood: There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.

All those roads (which are always one and the same) are devoted to…death. And all spring from what “man” thinks is right in his own eyes.

Even though our roads may appear so different as we perceive each other, is not the working the same? We can laugh at the fellow who says “hold my beer and watch this” and (to us) enters into some calamity in reaching for a something (that to him looks better than some death perceived and to be avoided), yes, we do. That poor schlub! Thought he was going to impress, and now look at him, and the bone protruding from his leg. Is he to be pitied? Laughed at?

Oh, but we find out so perfectly personally when we discover the same working in us…what is asked for…and what is sought; and likewise hoped to be avoided when it is our own attempts on display. Laughter is not “funny” then. Why? Because someone uninjured laughing at our own calamity…spells death! And if it be friends? How much more does that speak…of death?

So we seek according to these road markers. Yes…and death in whatever form, at whatever juncture it places a marker “down a road” is so potent to us, even if along the road we find we must change course (the man above may find out “I don’t have real friends, at all, I must choose better company” if, or when laughed at by the uninjured we once sought to impress…”those guys are deadly”) and so death becomes our teacher. Its taste is made so very real to us. It’s odor fills nostrils and minds. Small wonder then how much emphasis is placed upon “the soul that sins, it shall die”! Yes, death (and its avoidance) is extremely important to us.

Men caution each other with it, about it, and from it…and against it. And public executions, once common, surely attest to this. Watch out! Consider what road you heed to take and from “where” you then act! For if wrong enough you will be made a spectacle by your wrong choosing! Folks will even flock to watch you held out to dangle! Loving a good show of death…as long as it is not themselves. Any (or every?) man prepared to be a cautionary tale to another, or others. And it kind of “works”, doesn’t it? It seems to have some effect…but if, and only if the presumption is made that one is dealing with, or among, a company of the already living. Those in position with something to lose, or that can be lost, to death. Or at very least, death as is understood of men.

What is this thing feared to be lost to us, taken from us in whatever form it is? At least by this specter of death man assumes he sees rightly? Precisely because he presumes himself alive. Is it not a soul being (apparently) snuffed out? We may say “person”…self, loved one, dear one, friend…wherever fear of death we may assign ourselves as holding sway. (Did you feel grieved at all this morning by the thousands on the other side of this world who didn’t “make it through” while you slept?) How much smaller is the world that is ours, than the one that is? Yet we each think we know “something of the world”, rarely conceding our own self-centric view of all.

Hey! Does ignorance…smell like death to you? Poverty? Ignominy?

We could turn it of course, if need be…what smells like life? Intelligence? Adequate provision? Some acclaim? Understanding? Wisdom? Some notion of success as each might perceive it? For the rat catcher it might be 50 caught in a day, for the mogul another million found added to the ledger in black. Yes, such ends may look very different from one another to the casual observer…but isn’t the operation in all, the same? “Getting more” and/or not losing what is necessary.

And of course the ultimate reduction in all is, “Are we running from a something or to a something?” Seeking something…or merely fleeing another something? Is it that we “love” togetherness or just hate feeling alone? Oh yeah, isolation is another biggie. What we seek, how we seek, or embrace and what we seek to escape, avoid, refuse to ourselves (or loved ones) as operation of the soul is common in all.

Do I go too far afield? Should these things be beyond consideration? How close dare we “look” to get the picture? Are we allowed? Forbidden? Just be content with fuzzy outlines, gauzy and ethereal perceptions if perchance something will be filled in later? I’d be a fool to argue against contentment. But…is one man’s contentment always the same as another’s? Should we feel, if we feel, a burr under the saddle (or a pea through a hundred mattresses) pretend we do not…and so find even in this consideration the notion of “contentment” is not as plain as it might seem. Is it resignation? Or is it something else entirely like…”be content to be spurred on”? Be content to ever pursue? Or better, “be content to be ever provoked to pursue”?

Are we not, at least while in these tabernacles of clay, still moving? Discovering motion? Even if it seems we are stopped (so to speak) at what we may call some ultimate experience as we might describe of being touched of God through Christ, who hasn’t found some “go” in it? Could it be that is the only real “go” there is? All else has been illusory, even notions of prior progress…of ourselves and even all of mankind? The only true…motivating?

Behold, all souls are mine; as the soul of the father, so also the soul of the son is mine: the soul that sinneth, it shall die.

What do we see when we see this? This “thing” commanding look and see in “Behold”? Do we see only (and repeat so often)

the soul that sinneth, it shall die.(?)

I suppose we might if we do…for I sense no need to further belabor again how big and scary death is made to us in our sight. How it captures attention, provokes, moves us by what we perceive as its imperiling of life “911, what is your emergency?”

But what of life? Is there life at all in it? Can this be mined to find life? Dug into for life’s discovery? Who do we call?

Are we as convinced as we might think or claim to be of this matter?

It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.

they are spirit, and they are life.

Who is giving command/instruction to “Behold”?

And what is commanded to be beheld?

Is it really “the soul that sinneth, it shall die” or something other, or at least something very much together with it that is also to be understood?

Have we forgotten this, even as we read this:

And you, being dead in your sins and the uncircumcision of your flesh, hath he quickened together with him, having forgiven you all trespasses;

Something is always being spoken of to see by a someone who already sees and knows all things.

It either mistakenly (or even faithlessly) believes it is, or could be, in peril of losing something…even a something it fears losing that is not its own…but believes it to be, for in it and through come all and every experience that convinces a man “he is himself”.

Behold, all souls are mine; as the soul of the father, so also the soul of the son is mine:

Only in this light can this be understood:

And if ye have not been faithful in that which is another man’s, who shall give you that which is your own?

We are all and only handling any matter or all matters given to us.

As the apostle noted:

For who maketh thee to differ from another? and what hast thou that thou didst not receive? now if thou didst receive it, why dost thou glory, as if thou hadst not received it?

Was our brother John (the baptizer), of whom Jesus said “of woman born none had arisen greater” speaking by the spirit when saying this?

“A man can receive nothing except it be given him from above”

Were I to say I have come to see, or know something of self glorying; is foolish among the wise. For they would rightly say “With the amount you show you’d think you have a much better understanding of it”. And one is wise to both see that and say that. And correct.

I do not know as I ought.

Nevertheless, by the grace of God I am what I am.

I used to think/believe that was a very advanced understanding, a thing reserved only to some saying by one so very very “spiritual” and so very deeply informed. When it is merely the confession of any man who discovers he is just a man like any other, given to be who, and what he is. He, in that sense, is really just at the beginning.

It is inescapable once one sees grace shown to such, mercy poured out for such. For common man.

Even a/the chiefest of sinners. No wonder it’s written as a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptation.

For while we think ourselves better what we show is only the all that makes mercy necessary to us.

Yes, faithful are the wounds of friend. (Ministered? or Beheld?) Both?

Uh oh, Lord, now look at what I have done!

Is LOL inappropriate?

As though “LOL, I know, trust me, I felt it first before you even did it”

Are you surprised at your weakness? Stunned? Taken aback? He is not.

A friend who will laugh with us, and not at us, precisely because He is not uninjured. In being found in fashion as a man.

And neither ashamed.

Though all were heaped toward Him.

Let us go forth therefore unto him without the camp, bearing his reproach.

It’s where all is happening. It’s the only “where” where anything is happening, that is happening.

Holding the conviction that Jesus Christ is true to, and in all things, especially His word(s) is something we need help with. And it is not as though God is unknowing of this. No, (or Yes!) God knows (far better than we) the weakness of our frame. Were we to foolishly think (and there has been no greater fool I have known than myself) or entertain some notion that would, in any way, lead to some state of mind where this matter is denied, or this other matter brought to fore that would take some (or any) shape of “But Lord you don’t know what I am going through…this is unbearable!” then sure rebuke is at hand. Ahhh, rebuke!

How much am I like you? How little am I like you? You could be right if saying “This is of no matter, the question of you or I is here immaterial, the only thing that matters in all is who the Lord is” Did you think that? Would you say that? Bless you for the rebuke!

Then…who is the Lord? How is the Lord?

O! But God forbid I speak as anything but a fool. As anything more than what has been subject to all rebuke, correction, been made to see how misguided I am of myself, how many wrong turns are made possible to a man, just how much wrongness in all might be in one man, and yet find mercy. Yes, may God forbid my lying, and God help.

No (or Yes!)…I do not need some help…God help me! I need all help. Now the question might be seen in a slightly softer light “How much am I like you?” Do we need a common helper? Not common as in the commonness of dust, but common as in shared in, or with. Jesus obviously knew/knows the need, even telling the disciples to tarry in Jerusalem…until. And this instruction is given after the resurrection, after sight, after touch, after shared meals and shore lunches, passing into locked rooms (what we might call irrefutable proofs to them) of His being alive. How pumped up…even to “disbelief for joy” they were. They had proof! They saw, they knew…as much as senses could inform. Yet…tarry…

A little like a race horse just waiting for the starting gate to pop open, so ready, so ready…just pop that gate and it’s off.

No, wait. There’s something you don’t even know you need beyond all your own readiness. Oh, but you might say “The Holy Spirit is already given, the Holy Spirit is already fully abroad in all the earth, the fullness is so shed in such glorious abundance through Christ’s name that all tarrying is done, over, fulfilled…and even not needed” Yes, thank you for the correction. Yes.

No but to it, only an and. And Paul asked,”Have you received the Holy Spirit since you believed?”
Of course they didn’t know, but might it be God in His wisdom had them waiting for Paul, for a man they did not yet know, to speak to them about another matter of which they did not know, even to the end they might receive? A believer might, could…perhaps even would come to a place not dissimilar to Philip’s.

Jesus saith unto him, Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known me, Philip?

To come to find we know nothing as we ought, heard words from a someone we don’t yet fully know or understand (especially in those words) is something of a rebuke to us. But, whom does the Lord rebuke and chasten?

As many as I love I rebuke and chasten, be zealous therefore and repent.

Do we yet see how and thus rebuke is then made precious to us? Even by those words? What would we exchange to not know of His love? Would we prefer to be, or even see ourselves as those not in much need of rebuke and chastening? As those who haven’t needed it much, because well…”I’ve pretty much gotten it right all along”? I can only testify as one who both needs all the help there is, and no less, needs all the rebuke and chastening necessary. Oh, yes, we have entered a very different form of life! One that is life indeed. And if I may, may I go further? It is that very Spirit of whose help I am in all of need of, that I come to see…provides the bearing up under all this necessary rebuke. I have little doubt I would but fade away otherwise under such a heavy hand, return in all to fully acting the poser, completely given over to self deception and knowing only the death due a fraud, and without any hope. And the worse part there could be, I might still believe myself very alive to, and in Christ!

Yes, and no here. The one whose hand by which such rebuke is ministered (yes, it is a ministry of Christ) neither ask for nor needs our permission to do so, anymore than He would ask or need our permission regarding His Lordship. He sets His love where He wills. And the matter of our liking it (or not) is also a matter of no consequence. It is an odd thing yet perhaps to us (ought it to be?) that the way of learning of what and whom is of consequence comes with a continual getting out of the way, or removal, of what is of no consequence. Even as Paul said of those things lost for the sake of Christ, once of advantage to him, but now shown mere refuse, garbage, dung.

And even if, as someone I have known all too well, who cannot stand being told or shown he is wrong (or not yet right), full of errors and weaknesses about which he knew nothing (yet thinking he knew much) and as such would go about thinking he is God’s gift to the world, were to have all necessary rebuke for such a way of being, thinking, treasuring of himself…he can only testify…God is able. He is the God who both kills…and makes alive. And none can deliver from His hand. Ahhh, rebuke! What would any exchange (even if they could) to know that hand is upon them?

And I looked, and there was none to help; and I wondered that there was none to uphold: therefore mine own arm brought salvation unto me; and my fury, it upheld me.

This strange work and working is not lost on us. How that something is killing yet making alive at the same time, even in a perfect way to a perfect end is indeed different than anything we have known previously. Encouraging in rebuke. The making of a thing (as man) able to bear His heavy hand, to endure through even some taste of His displeasure, so that one might know all the pleasure God our Father Himself finds in Jesus Christ, the Son of His love. Yes, the apostle understood enough to ask a right question “Who is equal to such a task?”

He had come to see how much was “out of his own hands”. He couldn’t help, nor would he, of knowing himself to be a stench of death to some that he might be a fragrance of life to some other(s).

He hadn’t set out to this, he hadn’t planned it, he hadn’t even pursued any knowing of it, it all came as consequence to a pursuit inspired in him, a gift from another to him, a matter of not his own choosing to be anything of it. He needn’t try to be an offense anymore than any of his trying could make him acceptable before God.

And do you doubt he knew something of trying? This once Pharisee of Pharisees.

Oh, yes. He knew something of trying. And no less, of being tried. Of being in a hand that winnowed out from him all he once thought precious and of some standing. Took them, stole them, removed them by the showing of an incomparable light seen only in one other. A light in which he stood, yet also a light he knew was to be fully known at all and any cost to himself.

This is all he ever recommended. Even to such end that he would say, in all his knowing, in all his abundance of revelation, experiences, travails, labors, sorrows, comforts, sufferings, and even triumphs…”that I may know Him”.

He knew something. Even a something that caused a willing unknowing, or so pressed to it unlike anything other. A thing to be abandoned, a thing despicable in this all consuming light, a thing so common that it was uncommonly recognized of him, and spoken of, even that we might not be ignorant.

Even a thing, that in pursuit of losing to such extent as this light, the very person of Jesus Christ, provoked to; he came to loathe the notion he be found with it. Yet holding it. Yet seen embracing it. Yet be found in communing with it.

He speaks well to all who might hear for the knowing of whom Paul is. (And here I despise no other apostle nor disciple nor hold them in less repute from what might be called least to greatest)

Yet, it was given to Paul to write of this thing he longed to not be found with

And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith:

not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law,

not having mine own righteousness.

The only way to lose it, to be made separate to it, to even know of its depth of hold, or know it at all in any measure is in the light of Christ.

He alone can show it for what it is, even as He shows whom He is.

I didn’t set out to know how self righteous a man can be. I would have fainted but for one given to be all the help there is, to what needs all the help there is when it is shown. To even help a man stand under such an horrific sight of where it is being seen.

Light works. He works.

He does all things well.

There are few things more often said by believers to any perceived in doubt about the reality of Jesus the Christ’s fullness of reality than “It is not a religion, it is a relationship”.

And since no doubt there is a commonality, a communion in spirit shared amongst believers that has some expression in behaviors, both in word and [some] doings; it is often extremely tortuous to attempt to dissuade one who appears beholding (as it were) from the outside as those unconvinced, that it is not, or far more than, mere religious practices as observable doings to which many, as observers, reduce the matter. Even the believer himself finds these matters often become a sort of stumbling block, of things that seem to get in the way of expression…even if their faith takes some expression in, and through these.

We may say, and in some knowing even say “It is not a matter of going to church, or a church” or “No, it doesn’t mean you read your bible a lot, or pray a lot, or give to the poor a lot” or be “nicer” in some way, and the like. We are often left in some attempt (or find ourselves so) to make clear a thing that is exquisitely personal in nature and beyond the observable by others unless they be of same spirit…that a “someone”, a real person not of mere materiality has touched us beyond and more profoundly than any other has ever reached or touched from a place (and to a place in ourselves) that to us was previously undiscerned. No wonder the apostle said “Who is equal to such a task?”

Yes, it takes God. And likewise, no, it cannot be less than God who accomplishes. Any, or even all of man’s craftiness and crafting of words, explanations, logical reasonings…no matter how skillfully nor devotedly they may be presented can accomplish anything to this end.

Ahhh, frustration! How perfect it (even He) is found working in this to work us through this. We are found often, and in some or many ways, trying to express the inexpressible. And the some of you (if any be reading, at all) also know this is not merely reserved (this experience) to intercourse with, or among the doubtful or unbeliever. It even happens amongst those of the family of faith. That we might say (or think) “Well, it should not” or “it ought not to be” is of less than no consequence here. It happens. You know it, I know it, but most and only importantly, God knows it. The not knowing of what “should be” plain is not something of which God is unfamiliar. Were we able to foolishly assign time to God as something He labors under, we would say “He has been dealing with this for a very long time”

Do we doubt Jesus said this, even and specifically to one of His own chosen:

Jesus saith unto him, Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known me, Philip?

Now, I care not to make an example of Philip as though he is stranger to me, or one I care to distance myself from or spitefully use for some self exaltation…yet (even brother/sister) how could I prove to you that such has come in same form to one as myself “You do not know as you ought to”. Or, “When you say you know, you merely show you do not”

Ha! But I know this! I know these words come…and have.

I am no more nor less than any other finding the curious constraints of being found in fashion as a man. And if, (or better) as this is true “We hold this treasure in earthen vessels that the excellency of the power may be of God and not of us” is a matter unavoidable to acknowledging. And so that same apostle who held query came to rest after “Who is equal to such a task?” finding only resolution in God as can be accomplished only by God

For we are not as many, which corrupt the word of God: but as of sincerity, but as of God, in the sight of God speak we in Christ.

or as another translation puts it:

For we are not, as so many, peddling the word of God; but as of sincerity, but as from God, we speak in the sight of God in Christ.

O! But this is no small matter of which he speaks. O! sincerity! Sincerity! Who is, or can be sure…of their own? Who has mined past all that might be of personal gain in any doings or words to touch the naked truth? For we learn “peddling” means so much more than for mere filthy lucre, for there is an abyss of things one can reach for to his own adorning if he can show or display what appears as some mastery of matters. Pulpits may throw themselves open to him, elevating stages and dais’s, some acceptance of notoriety, an ability to ascend as one “who should be heard” may present…yet…even with and in all of this there is the far greater matter (not merely relying upon other man’s opinion or acceptance) and that is the matter of how one may prefer to see themselves. There, in that deep place, that place others do not easily see or may not even yet appreciate as being fully clear before the eyes of “Him with whom we have to do”. That place. How does one…even with God…mine past that place to touch a matter too deep…sincerity?

Yes, it is a relationship. No, it is not “a” relationship…it is the relationship. We are touching and in touch with the only true person of all personhood. I trust (and am persuaded) that Paul in all his many labors, query’s, investigations, seeking of light in a Kingdom once foreign to him even to such end as he might present it clearly or as unobstructed by matters of himself that might obscure, was given that gift of God of tireless mining. And minding. “Ask, seek, knock” were instruction not lost on him. Each answer spurred to greater marvel, each answer spurred to greater investigation.

I have little doubt (none actually) that there was a curious turning in himself, one at which he could only marvel. Even such as might be seen as in this, if God allow such presumption (or is it faith?)…a turning upon all matters so that “Why did I not see (as Saul) what is now made so plain to me in that place of being Saul in which I was so confident I saw, and knew?” To come to “Yet, even now with what I see and can affirm in such confidence (really not much different than a confidence I also once embraced in all sightlessness) what do I still…and yet…not see?” O! But this form of knowing is far different! To myself, in fact, I am no different…yet this is the strangest of knowings. As Paul I am no better than any other, not even better than that “Saul” who I know (I know! I know! I know!) was sightless! Oh my.

His plea was ignorance. He copped to it. He grabbed it. He held it and presented it. But how? And why could he be sure of it? He knew this was no expiation, no excuse as would suffice, for who has championed only the sufferings of Christ to greater degree as only sufficiency for satisfaction presentable and acceptable before God?

Yet, he claimed it. But no, it was neither excuse nor expiation, but given to him as gift and as such was not to be lightly taken. And surely not to be hoarded to himself as sole or only worthy recipient. By its work from the giver to its work in the receiver (and this work was a miner’s precious tool) his eyes were opened in greater measure to this work of the One who gives. He gave blindness even, provided sufficient ignorance [even] for the glorifying of His son, the son of His love.

So Paul, not denying his own remaining ignorance “Not that I have already attained…” also had such confidence of knowing how such “worked” toward this, the Son’s glory, that he would say:

For God hath concluded them all in unbelief, that he might have mercy upon all.

He began to understand many of the why’s and hows of God’s working, even in one such as himself. Even that same one as an apostle to the gentiles (a people formerly despised by a Pharisee of Pharisees) who came to see and know much but would yet know this writing he scribed to be true:

And if any man think that he knoweth any thing, he knoweth nothing yet as he ought to know.

Ahhh, frustration! Ahhh ignorance!

What gifts!

Through the hand of the giver…they work. And perfectly well.

Even as catalyst, as all consumed in the brightness of His coming. Even as meet fuel for this longing of His appearing.

To a promise of their end.

Just as we may say “It is not a religion, it is a relationship” to those who are mere observers, we may also come to know another thing after like manner, even Heaven… is not so much “ascension to a place, but to a person” and to and with all that are in Him.

Go instead to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.

In Him, all places are Heavenly.

Even, only so.

The references to eating for sustenance, the concept of eating/consuming as necessary for survival, even to its being a particular sign of life’s activity in a thing considered living, are most common amongst us. They are not reserved only to the believer. In truth their consideration is most pointedly and profoundly explored throughout the scriptures as a matter of truth which, to be taken in (eaten), are to be life to a thing in creation, a thing ordained to live by what it eats. A thing of all dependence, even whose dependency is made plainly known by its necessity to such engagement.

It is less a matter of God wanting us to know we exist and have being in all dependence as a created thing; but that, as a matter of truth, opens doors of truth God has purposed in grace for us to know and understand. God is not belittling of what he has created for dependence upon Him, but will and does deal with any notion of mistaking/mistaken identities.

For the believer, having both this knowledge of the uncreated life (of God) from whom all other things known as having life (creatures in creation) while in temples of clay…even the very life of God given through Jesus Christ to abide in these temples, seems to often plunge us into apparent paradoxes and contradictions. And the words seems there is not without its significance. Indeed it is our calling to come out of, or push through (solely by grace) all of what seems to what truly is that often itself seems the paradox or contradiction.

“Why?” is not a bad or evil question here if we can but approach it as supplicant in need of light rather than God’s inquisitor. Nevertheless, though presumption is never recommended, God is able to help even the presumptuous as He wills. Painful lessons…are lessons, nonetheless.

Here is repetition that for me, cannot be overstated. My own un-necessity. Regardless of whether one has read or seen any of my other foolishness, I am being persuaded that in any communication while in this, my temple of clay…I have only one shot at it, so to speak. God knows a man’s end from the beginning and presumptuous is the man who blithely assumes he will have a later to make things more clear. God knows.

But understand this if able; of all men I have not known one more presumptuous than myself. I am not writing “as a christian”, not writing as one whose words should bear or carry some heeding (and this despite all the apparent contradictions found in my many, many apparent declarations) not as one anything at all, but a man. Of that I have only enough certainty to continue. I am a creature called man. And as man man, or a man, of these I am a man most presumptuous.

I will not belabor this (though any book of my own life, which is of no consequence, would easily reveal it) but I will say it suffices to know me only as a man who has struggled to not be what he is, while in same struggle to be what he is not. And as that man has come up against a something. In trying to appear smarter, more clever, wiser…in whatever way “better” (for fear of appearing…dumb, slow, stupid…as he knew himself to be, in all unfamiliar with this experience called life) he was shown more stupid than he ever or could even imagine himself to be. He knew even far less than he thought. And in all trying to not be (what he knew himself to be) he came up again against irrefutable proofs, again, he was shown less.

So he became a fake, a fraud…a liar. Pretending he knew the dance.

A man being convinced he is just a man. Striving to be (better) or striving to not be (for escape of the worse) resulted in perfect frustration. So perfect in fact…he is convinced he was touching a consciousness, a too perfect ordering of all matters pertaining to him to just be some happenstance. Perfect resistance, as (perhaps) in anything found perfect opens a door to consider…just how perfect perfect is, or can be.

And it is no less perfect that such a man come to appreciate his own lack of necessity as to any other. He seemed at very least…necessary to himself to “be himself” but something unprepared for came with this, something often exalted among men as a paragon of behavior, even a virtuous thing, but of which he was unable to bear. Responsibility. “Be responsible” which when deconstructed is no more than “be responsible for your being”.

How does one do that?

And here, if one is tempted to think one can dissociate necessity from responsibility, one might be very, very foolish. One may have no idea when self volunteering to be “important” or of some necessity, that with it can come a revelation of unbearable responsibility, and such as only one man has been able to answer rightly. And of course this man I met while being found in fashion as a man myself…even as a man who wanted to be important among men even enough to display his necessity to and for being among them (men)…is Jesus, the Christ of God. He alone made perfect sense of, and in, this conundrum. All was of another will (against which this man [myself] had come up against) and it was perfect. A perfect will against which I had struggled, strove and found only frustration. Wanting to present a “good” I found only a produce of ill, and if wanting to avoid appearing ill, an even more desperate estate was shown.

And I would be a liar were I to not say such desire to be important held some sway even after such meeting.

Now that appears paradox, right? Even contradictory, correct? Even with all said just a few lines up of sensing that having a “one shot at things”. It would seem someone is at once saying it appears important to make a “good go” while at the same time saying all he may even think of doing in “one shot” is totally unimportant. There are “why’s” and hows of working that only God can answer, and that even such would bring us to Him alone…for answer. (See how little help I am?) How can one “know” an important thing, and not himself be swayed to believe that then makes him, in some way…important? I think one can easily see this is no less a conundrum, pickle, fix a man is in than any other.

A will, a purpose, a plan…a conscious and consciousness of doing with intent that is not of the man can be the only escape. Someone else…is the responsible one. Now that really sounds like playing with words…doesn’t it? Just shuck off all to another? Well, the alternative test/experiment is simple enough…seek to be responsible for all you are. You will inevitably come to that place (please, for the love of God if you need to, doubt me) of being so jammed up in your circumstance you will easily say, O! so easily say..”It’s their fault”. The “they” (mom, dad, “society”, circumstance and situation, the devil) bear responsibility for my being the way I am, and see myself at this point. You doubt? It’s easy enough…just keep breathing and moving through this thing called life. It’s really…all you (or any of us) have to do. The plea will be “But I am just a reactor!”

Yes. Yes you are. Me too.

There is ultimately only one Actor.

And much (if not everything) has to do with position, placement, and order. And only God…remains…God. The all responsible…One. The all important…One. The only necessity of man. That seat is His alone, and happy is the man (as he must be persuaded) to gladly let Him have it.

Sounds odd, doesn’t it…to “let God” be God? Almost heretical (yes, I have also been a heretic in addition to presumptuous) but there’s a divine rest in letting granted through the grace of the Son that slays a wicked thing devoted to wresting a throne from an untiring and omnipotent King. An all good, King.

Let God be true and every man a liar.

There are two positions described/mentioned there, take yours as it is revealed to you. It’s been provided, along with right vision in this “who’s who” of revelation that has beckoned us out from all lies. And it is good to ask, when one senses His coming, about the conditions of peace. And upon what terms can peace be had with this unconquerable King. Luke 14:31,32

We would be remiss (and are) were we to hold any of God’s creation in contempt for reviling. But there is a strict division of which we are made aware. God over all, and the all He is God over. This is no play with words nor casual use of all…or as the apostle speaks of everything, here:

For he “has put everything under his feet.” Now when it says that “everything” has been put under him, it is clear that this does not include God himself, who put everything under Christ. NIV

or

For he hath put all things under his feet. But when he saith, all things are put under him, it is manifest that he is excepted, which did put all things under him. KJV

The reigning of Christ over all things, even those unseen, is plainly stated to not include the God who has placed all things under Him (Christ). There is an “all” of which God is exempt from inclusion.

In this way God Himself is separate from the all…even the “all” others. And surely, all other things.

What then? How then? How can there be relation, relationaility to what is so very very separate and apart…even from what would be described as the all…as a man might know?

Unless He Himself, is providing link, entrance, something of Himself offered, given, made available, made real to man amongst things…as door.

As men we exalt our own reason. Our own ability to “reason” up to a thing, a matter, even a thing we call truth.

It is the foolishness of God that He reason down to us.

And it is this, this foolishness of God, greater than man’s wisdom by which we are saved.

Go ahead, try to outsmart Him if you dare, if you believe you can, if you must. You’ll find something perfect. Even a perfect will at work that caused or causes you to know perfect frustration.

I didn’t like it either. But then a man came I couldn’t avoid. He said this:

Every man therefore that hath heard, and hath learned of the Father, cometh unto me. As it is written in the Scriptures, ‘They will all be taught by God. ‘ Everyone who listens to the Father and learns from him comes to me.

Ahhh, frustration! It causes me to swear, to rue my being, to shake a fist at heaven itself in demand! Touching perfection in any way has an effect upon a man. An unforeseen effect that, if he be honest (at very least with himself) can open a door. Even a door provided.

But only God will and can provide even such honesty if it is found. To face the un-faceable.

I am a hopeless wretch of a sinner. A faller short. A misser of all I aim at.

Where is only hope for such a one? Is there…even?

Jesus answered and said unto them, This is the work of God, that ye believe on him whom he hath sent.

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Something is implicitly in question in “if”. Or is it explicitly? Might it be both…even at once?

O! so many labors about words, so much devoted to their exploration for meaning.

A man much devoted to his own sense of cleverness once said this: “Man developed language when he discovered how difficult it is to lie without it.” (And one may learn there is some consequence in any and every declaration)

Fortunately God knows how to deal with the clever, by showing Himself more so as needed. God knows how to deal with the man who likes to see himself as anything…be it clever, kind, giving, spiritual, understanding, wise, knowledgeable, better informed; any or all of the “goods” a man might hold to himself as worthy. He has sent His son as a thief in the night to plunder all of every and any man’s goods.

Man lives in a state of comparison…especially as to those matters about which, and in which, he considers himself. Rare is the man who, in his own sense of comparative goodness, is convinced these are also for the plundering. We would like ourselves to be all shiny appearing, but soon we learn the metrics for measuring that comparative shininess are so askew in all our estimations that we begin to appreciate just how lost…being lost is. O! but that fall was great…and not only so, but complete.

It is a curious matter. Forasmuch as we may consider the how of “how we’d like to see ourselves” another matter is relentlessly working in it. The more we look, the more unbearable it becomes to us. Forgive the coarseness, but like a turd in a punch bowl whose otherwise sweetness may provoke us to some desire or thirst, the moment we look to ourselves…something else is floating, undeniably seen, inescapably presented, that disgusts. And if we continue (is it appointed…this lesson?) we come to learn it matters not if it be a sweet oceanfull of most fragrant punch…we now know to look there will inevitably disclose to our beholding that taint. Anything we may think we have gained in advancement by looking to and beholding the Christ of God, Jesus the Lord; is suddenly undone the moment we seek to appreciate that advancement, or look for it, in ourselves.

“O! But this is so basic” we say. “Look not to yourselves! Look not anywhere but to the Christ of God!” Yes. Amen! And yes, again. But again, yes, there is a training. There is an experience into which we have been immersed, a thing so utterly irrefutable that in grace and by grace…we may touch what is made to us undeniably true. God would have us touch true…and truth, even to such extent we be firmly established, not merely by some dogma or doctrine we embrace…but to know we are actually (and in experience) in a firm and unrelenting grip. Someone has us. We are embraced. We are not our own.

Someone is at work far beyond what we may even desire of ourselves…even for ourselves (“Lord, but I so want to be pure!”) that sometimes may come a strange response that may even sound like the voice of a stranger…”Really? Do you really want to be pure?” that at first does not sound like a friend…for…”who would question such motive?”

This sounds like an inquisitor…not friend. But such question provokes us, such question by its coming stirs us, moves us to consider a cost at which we may rightly tremble and fear. There is something in it, that, while not denying the loveliness of purity begins a work to unearth (even in our own earthen temple) the purity of such desire and request/declaration (Lord, but I so desire to be pure!)…and whether it be grounded in truth…or just the desire to come to a place where we consider ourselves as pure, look at ourselves as pure…even in some hope to delight ourselves in our own…purity. And I dare not pretend here that I, less than some other, desire to appear shiny. (For our desires so often appear as true to us…being so intimately experienced…yet…we learn)

But here also is something other disclosed, here is something of a darkness revealed…even as a necessary thing for such disclosing. I am, to whatever extent I am, living, thinking, acting…as even the very most darkened soul of man, still in the comparative. How can this be? How can such be happening? This seems in all…wrong. This appears condemning of me…”a” me who seeks (or so I think) to know the Christ of God! Might even declare “that’s all I desire!”. (There is always a perfect hearer)

Listen if you can. I believe the apostles write/wrote of true experience, experience(s) enlightened in, and of, revelation. Or, in some other words…they didn’t speak of mere hypotheticals they to themselves imagined. They…knew. Of things worked into themselves…as true. Life and death were made very true to them, even in them.

And in such experience one wrote this:

But if, while we seek to be justified by Christ, we ourselves also are found sinners, is therefore Christ the minister of sin? God forbid.

Someone, it is made plain…has been down this road. Can this be? That in seeking to follow and know the justification that is in Christ…such sin is made known that, unless one be reproved and/or corrected by this knowing of scripture (truth, ministered of the Spirit)…one might be inclined to consider Christ is causing/ministering …the sin? As in “My following of Christ reveals too much for me to bear of this falling short, this sin, this revelation of a thing so utterly and desperately wicked, that it cannot be but that the following is producing it“. So often (always?) given to wrong conclusions.

(And thanks be to God the Spirit had that apostle declare “God forbid”!)

How much stumbling could remain here…if not made known? How much could be turned? Not merely misunderstood, but even so opposed to understanding that sin simply must be “elsewhere” than in me…for I AM the one who is alive in the Lord. I am the one who “only wants to follow”. Am I not “doing right”?

Do you think this is just playing with words?

Listen again, if you can…of what the sower says [of some]:

And have no root in themselves, and so endure but for a time: afterward, when affliction or persecution ariseth for the word’s sake, immediately they are offended.

O! but we say, “I do not want to be of that some.” I so much do not want to be of that some THAT: “I, even I, will not be of that SOME [one].”

“I will be (for I am) the good ground…”

No root…in themselves. O! but this is offensive! This is an offense!

Utterly offensive.

Listen.

With what do you read? With what do you hear?

When you read (and hear yourself…reading) what rises?

(Do you not know death precedes…rising?)

If not, what is rising from…for that what to be rising…to? Is it not to our Father, Himself?

Listen again, if you can.

Do you [we] chuckle? Are we amused? Vexed to wondering? Wonder to vexing?

The Corinthians. The Galatians. The some of the “those” and the churches addressed and rebuked in the Revelation of Jesus Christ?

The writer of Hebrews saying this:

For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat.

O! but those “those” who seemed to be failing to get it. Gee…”some others” have needed again to hear “the first principles of the oracles of God”. This obviously isn’t speaking of me! It’s the “them”.

Always the them again…

Or consider an apostle writing this…one who labored among them “bodily”, once present in flesh with them, saying:

But now, after that ye have known God, or rather are known of God, how turn ye again to the weak and beggarly elements, whereunto ye desire again to be in bondage? Ye observe days, and months, and times, and years. I am afraid of you, lest I have bestowed upon you labour in vain.

“They” missed it? “They”…didn’t get it. The “they”. Is that what rises in us as we read…and hear ourselves reading? We who “have the Word(s)”…as though the “they” really did not?

Or, as was recently said elsewhere, of the man seeking to distance himself from Adam, reads of Adam as though it is not himself? Reads of that man who would hang others out to dry “The woman YOU gave me” and does not even know his own self (from whom such woman was taken, was made)?

Always a distancing from…the them. Even reaching to God “the woman YOU…”

And make no mistake, our God knows the place(s) we assign Him in our hearts, when in comparison to an “I” or me…He is simply listed with all else as just one of the “others”. As though He and the woman now, are equal in stature in Adam’s sight. (I haven’t been able to fool Him, have you?)

Or, have you ever said, thought…or marveled at Pilate asking, having the temerity of asking…as putting into question some utter frailty of truth in his question “What is truth?” in the very presence of He who is the truth? Why don’t men…see? As though truth ultimately leans upon, rests upon, is supported only by our knowing of it, accepting of it, acknowledging…of it. Our allowing of “truth” to be.

Why don’t the “they” see? When really…isn’t the better question…why don’t I see?

O! look…I did it! In my writing I show myself liar by presenting what is not! Comparison presented, as in “better”…question!

No…it is the only question in such circumstance of wonder. “Why do I… not see?”

The answer is always too simple: I am the man who loves his own comfort more than truth.

And such a man of all men, if any have need…needs to be saved.

Even has needed someone to tell him this, someone who is able to show him, this. The man in need of salvation. A man basking in his own light of knowing and understanding.

He has needed what makes him most uncomfortable, the truth. For he neither knew it, could know it, or have it.

Believer, you’ll notice Jesus didn’t tell a “them” what spirit they were of when telling a them in rebuke “Ye know not what spirit ye are of” in responding to a question about the calling down of fire.

Was a change needed…or a consistency…lacking? Were they of Christ’s spirit…but didn’t know? The spirit of the world…but did not know? How would “they” know? Where would they go, could they go, to know? To resolve such a “Ye know not…”? )

Who would leave them in such seemingly dire straits of “not knowing”?

(I am persuaded Jesus knew/knows precisely where such must lead if a man is to have this resolved, and it cannot be to himself or any other man…only God)

And yet again, to “others”:

Ye do err, not knowing the scriptures, nor the power of God. (Where would such have to go, and would they even have that have to go…to know?) Who inspires…the need to know?

Someone is telling men, all sorts of men (every man?)…unashamed, unafraid, undeterred and at too many junctures to be ignored: “you don’t know”.

And again when one asks for special seats, for place of privilege, of advantage for their sons: “Ye do not know what you ask”.

And may God help us, for even when being told to know, or that such knowing is…comes this:

If ye had known me, ye should have known my Father also: and from henceforth ye know him, and have seen him. Philip saith unto him, Lord, shew us the Father, and it sufficeth us. Jesus saith unto him, Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known me, Philip?

Listen, we all have our “pet” doctrines, our perspectives, our way of resolving to ourselves certain matters that appear in questions of “why?” I do. I have surely moved in them. Have you?

Do we say “O, but this was before the resurrection, this was before the day of Pentecost when the Spirit came (or was made known to certain) in such great power.” Yes, we often say such. O!, but things were different after…that. And though it be true, we yet have certain testimony.

Peter’s rebuke by Paul for hypocrisy and fear of certain Jews. All the letters, rebukes, admonitions for whole churches in peril of leaving their first love, of wandering off into prideful arrogance and/or neglect of fundamental matters. And I would be more the liar were I to not say (by omitting my admissions) I have been just as that “they”. God forbid, this is not humility, this may not even be Godly fear (for only God knows). Nevertheless of this I am quite certain…it is true.

I am the “they”. I am that “them”. God help me, but even this has often fit me too well to deny:

For the name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles through you, as it is written.

What hope then? Where can one go…if seeing this? If knowing this of himself?

Where? To whom?

I can testify as surely to this as I can to any other matter I might offer in testimony “I surely did not want to know this of myself” No desire, no will toward, no hope formed of any form…to know I am of the “them”. But, I am. God knows…I am. Has always known…I am.

What then is difference? Is there difference? Dare I compare, falling back again into such matter that hid this knowing from me? At least I am not as bad as…? …Them? …I once was? …Some “other” man?

Uh, oh…a thief has been here. I can no longer find among my goods what once was.

Here are several “ifs” each to ourselves will either be recognized for confrontation and resolution from the only place of resolving…or we shall gloss over them, glance over them as provided for some “other[s]”. Mere filler to puff out a letter from an apostle that may not yet be recognized as having labored among such “ifs”…even to the end he might state them rather succinctly. (Unless one believes he merely wrote of hypotheticals, of mere supposes, of quaint issues foreign to himself and of no necessity to find resolution)

Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy,…

This same one, this same man, this same apostle would later write as to a dear son in the faith who knew him (and his manner of life) who both served him and served with him in such matters of [the] faith that to bring any question of his sincerity in these words, [I say] will have necessary consequence. I do not say this to inspire fear or as threat. A man cannot avoid bringing what he brings…when he reads, when he seeks to understand, when he “looks”…even into another’s mail.

This is from Paul to Timothy and so stated, and yes, it is very much the opening of another’s mail. To have any understanding requires some submission of place accorded as to either writer or receiver lest we be caught (as well we may be…even to an eternal purpose) by our own presumptions. Even that we may learn what liberty…is. And what it is not.

This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief. Howbeit for this cause I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might shew forth all longsuffering, for a pattern to them which should hereafter believe on him to life everlasting.

Our like, dislike, preference[s] and/or lack of them mean nothing in such clarity. This man even claimed to know the “why” of why he obtained mercy. Someone was pleased to show him, to use him as an example of what necessitated such patience in longsuffering, even by showing such longsuffering in patience toward him[self]. Here there is no claim of being right, doing anything right, but only of being the chiefest of sinners Christ Jesus found of use…for displaying mercy toward.

I am persuaded this man was persuaded against all of his previous notions of what being a shiny trophy meant. How he could not even be so persuaded till another stole all that was once counted to himself as advantage in that severely misaligned perspective once held. [For whom I have suffered the loss of all “things”]

And yet…and yet…he held a triumph.

I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:

And he saw a crown.

I am as far now from my intended intentions first considered when first scribing “Too great an if” as title as I may be. For I had another “if” in mind at that time. But now, I see something of mercy I had not seen…even then…something coming into plainer view as being “too great an if” as one we must learn, by whatever means to count as “off limits”. And as I am persuaded this is as much for me as any, and as much for any as for me (For I am every bit of “the them”, as the they, the you to even [if it be only vanity] I write.

“If you loved me you would not do me this way”

Yes, may we all be dissauded from a such by being rightly persuaded to truth.

Not forgetting, but coming to hold dear this truth:

As many as I love I rebuke and chasten, be zealous therefore and repent.

Are you rebuked…much? Chastened…much?

I almost envy…you. But then I am reminded I am of the “them”…needing such, even kept alive…through such.

In life…as such.

“If” you loved me you would care how I feel.

Really, no one cares for you as He.

I am wrong. Full of errors, contrivances, manipulations, fault(s), misdirection, and lies. The very things I might look to to comfort myself against this knowing betray an arsenal of equipment that itself betrays my estate. “I don’t lie as much as I used to” or “I don’t lie (or murder, fornicate, steal, commit adultery, bear false witness) as well…that fellow…over there”. Yes, I would “hang one man” to let another go free. Even if it be some former version of myself, as perceived of myself; I am ready, willing, and fully inclined to hang him out to dry. Just let the “now” me…be. I will trade, I will barter, I will concoct rather than understand the full implications of mercy’s necessity to me.

There is always a present fellow finding himself in need of escape and willing to trade off another by show to save his own skin. I will show another man more in worthiness of judgment (and need of it) than this one presently made aware of being under an eye. Tell me what I have to sign, what I have to agree to, make known to me all stipulations and codicils to get this eye off of me! Its judgment is too perfect, its finding out too complete, its piercing searching out is simply too broad and much for me to bear…”I” cannot live under it.

Like every other thing in creation I am caught in expression of itself. But I find this not safe to me. Of course I want to be known. But not that well known. I am too well known! I am too well known! If I seek to hide, the hiding place is already known. If I seek to throw light on another to take some of the heat off, this craftiness is already too well known. I cannot control this light…or heat. I am in all…unable. I am…undone. There is no escape from this light of perfect attention being cast. I am in all the impossible for man.

“The sinners in Zion are afraid; fearfulness hath surprised the hypocrites. Who among us shall dwell with the devouring fire? who among us shall dwell with everlasting burnings?”

“fearfulness hath surprised the hypocrites”

“hath surprised”

Something not known…surprises, even shocks to fear and trembling this thing in expression of itself, shaking to all foundations, waking to all terror as not once known. Where to go? What to do when all is shown as it is?

Who among us shall dwell with the devouring fire? (Our God is a consuming fire)

who among us shall dwell with everlasting burnings? (Can take all the light…and heat?)

This one:

He that walketh righteously, and speaketh uprightly; he that despiseth the gain of oppressions, that shaketh his hands from holding of bribes, that stoppeth his ears from hearing of blood, and shutteth his eyes from seeing evil

O! But this is not me! This is not me! Not only am I rightly excluded, I must be excluded…me with my scales and balances of good and evil upon which I place my pinky to tilt in my favor. Me who loves a compliment, a bribe, a “like” in all vanity.

Dare I lie about it under this eye? Can I even do so? Dare I say “I am not one who seeks favor” while under this eye I search diligently, furiously, tirelessly for any glint of “like” that might deflect its piercing light?

Whatever this eye is after, I find none in myself. Not because I “don’t want to”…the light just exposes every lie. The light sees through all my self attempts before I can do anything to respond with them. Light both makes me “want to respond” rightly, but also shows that “rightly” is not in me…it is perfect in speed. Not fast. Not faster…perfect…in speed.

He that walketh righteously, and speaketh uprightly…

Of all that seems possible this cannot possibly speak…of me. Me, who would trade off a whole creation…to save its own skin…preserve its self…

“the woman YOU gave me…” Completely unaware(?) of whom that woman came out of, was made from…himself.

Was it too convenient for him to forget (or was it deny?)…too much in service to a thing he knew as himself under that eye…to forego?

Did he forget? Deny? Not know?

All consuming ignorance.

Does any son of Adam…have hope?

Does any son of Adam, in all his effort to distance himself from Adam as being an other, Adam being a different man (or a different sort of man from himself) not see himself? The story is not about an other…but me. Not about a “he”…but a “me”. Something wants “me” to see my “self”. And appears to be using what I consider an “other” to do it. Is it all and only to crush under unbearable weight of judgment…even this thing that cannot bear the seeing of itself…and therefore be so given to finding fault…elsewhere? Even its Creator? The woman YOU gave me. All is at fault…but me. I am center to myself.

Oh, as believers we all have probably had some experience with those who hold their view of the benighted. Their view of ignorant goat herders, desert dwellers, superstitious tribal fools afraid of their own shadows who either “came up with”, or were so given to such fantasies and folly as to diligently pass them down generation after generation, mouth to ear. “Nothing here but the silly musings of nomads wandering, stumbling ignorantly through life and across the face of the earth”. Nothing more…and certainly nothing to see here. Old wives tales of no substance, no reality of themselves…just fabrication and product; unlike some vainly perceived “us” in every and any way. The scientific, the informed, the enlightened and educated experimenters…like a Rutherfod of his time.

Oh, wait, bad example…a man who discovered terror at learning nothing is as he thought it once to be. Particularly materially. Not even the most common “stuff”…touchable, see-able, forever surrounding and always in view…is as it once seemed.

Surprise!

It might seem there’s a continual cheap shot being taken at materialists. As though they are “others”. But we all have been so. We have either reasoned up or down from the material…while fully in the material and of the material presuming in our consciousness of self we can, and have, secure place of standing to examine, to observe the material…to judgments about it, ascribing laws to it, formulating rules we tell each other govern it. But if, and only…all of the material is only of the material and we ourselves are no less nor more…where can we stand to observe? The eye cannot see itself. It may “see” other eyes…but itself?

Can hydrogen “tell itself” about hydrogen? Zinc about zinc? Electrons enlighten themselves as to their being? Neutrinos? And whatever a Higgs Boson is? O! but the fault is not in consciousness…but our presumptions about it! And this “consciousness”, yes…even by and in what rules we could say most strictly govern all pursuits in the material sciences continues to discover “things are not as they seem” or there are things “there” (or here) of such exquisitely subtle influence(s) never known to be, never conceived as being…till now. And each has power…a power of expression…in its being. Otherwise “we” could never know or perceive of it. “Things” will be found out!

But…only things can or will be.

But consciousness? Where would “it” stand to study…itself? This is where all our own reason and reasonings must break down. Cannot but break down. What form of reason could be employed to find any reason to, or for, consciousness…that is not of that consciousness? We are both locked up in it and to it. Bound to it, bound in it, and bounded by it…perfectly. No matter what we may consider or call any expansion of it, new or what might be termed “better understandings” in it, as long as it remains to us “our (own) consciousness” it matters not whether the cell walls hold us in a 10×10 room, a whole continent, a world, or universe. The perfection of this containment speaks of a perfection in imposition of containment upon it.

When finding, or perhaps better (at least to and for the believer) when having such perfect frustration disclosed…that is revealed…there is a ministry of truth graciously given us. We die in this frustration, we die of this frustration…but likewise, and as such cannot be over made of this, we die to this frustration. We may come to a deeper appreciation of this thing we so commonly repeat “None [no one] but Jesus Christ…is able. None but Jesus…can do” Jesus. Jesus alone. Only Jesus holds all ability and capability. Only Jesus is source of all or any escape. One door. One entrance to exit all that is made to perfect frustrating.

This is the great paradox in which we live, the great contradiction, the irresolvable…that is: impossible for man.
We are being brought to see what is only possible…for God. And not only so, we have the testimony of scripture that this assigning is not happenstance, not some natural conclusion or consequence of some logical outgrowth of materiality unhindered; but that this be understood as known

For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope;

God alone locks up, God alone sets free by His chosen one, Jesus the Christ. Man’s wisdom, reason, striving…avail to all and only frustrating. Even to the finding of it perfectly…imposed. Bounded. Completely constrained. Even so much so that another would write (if we merely take any comfort to ourselves in “well, at least I believe in God!”) this:

Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble.

O! how perfectly we find any and all self commending not only fails “to work” here, but is under a quite forceful exclusion.

For some I hope I am beating a dead horse.

For others I may be appearing to be in some contradiction, some inconsistency, some manifest lie or hypocrisy. That is perfect also. And no doubt there is consideration of this matter as stated by that same apostle who came to understand the perfect frustrating of all man, or men might think they do, or can about their own circumstance:

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Yes, he wrote truthfully of truth. Even to all things.

But if there be any question, any posing of matters to doubtful disputations…I can only ask what is nature of attitude, disposition when reading? Is “I can” primary…or “through Christ”? Each man already answers…for there is no place provided here for lie to prevail. We may not know “how we read”…but God does. We may not know how we understand and from such add motive for motions; is it “I can”…or “through Christ”…but God does. And of course, I am no less in need of disclosure.

Even if one were to make the case “about” such scripture in all context of Paul’s other writings and there state…”Well, as I read all his writings (unless Paul is a liar)…he certainly strove to present Christ as in all preeminence, not merely as primary of all things…but of all and only necessity to man”

And fair enough, we may find some agreement. But as to our selves? Do we yet know what Paul understood? Do we somewhere think the garnering of information is the equivalent of conformation? Do we know? Or do we parrot? See, I don’t even know this of myself, nor can make any claim to…but God does. Know. Is it enough for the believer…that God know(s)?

If not, then what else possibly could be…sufficient?

And what happens in us when we are told, or hear: “You do not yet know as you ought to”? (For now we even know another thing!)

Oh yes…we are finding out what Jesus means when he says “narrow”. Perfectly narrow.

And no less…what is impossible for man…

only everything.

And all I have written, even if any be read, are all and only the considerations of a fool. A man caught in all the same impossibility of every other man, no different than any. Only able “to know” what is disclosed to him, and even there yet reliant upon another that what is disclosed can, or will be shown, as either rightly, and/or yes…even wrongly received.

It is enough.

For I know nothing by myself; yet am I not hereby justified: but he that judgeth me is the Lord.

Just because I may know nothing as against myself as in having some clear conscience (or consciousness) about any matter, no man is by that justified. O! but it is pleasant, it is desirable, it is even comforting…but all and every is now made aware, not by me, but by the overwhelming presence of a reprover given in the name of Christ that he is being, and in being, being inescapably seen. All of creation has taken a turn.

Consumed by one man’s death in it whereby death to it, and from it, is given.

By the will of One it has been consigned its place to be understood as under. And by the same will of that One, the above is disclosed.

And a man can receive nothing except it be given him from above.

Even oddly to myself, this last entry about these matters was additionally entitled “For believers, only”.

Happy could be the man who doesn’t know what he does. Mercy is granted there to him, and for him, but not by him…to himself.

This proclamation, entreaty, prayer, supplication…(God help me!)…demand(?) contains no “because”.

It is plain without any “because.” It is statement of truth. And truth is true without need of because in support. Nothing needing to be shown prior to prove it, to make it so…truth is what supports all and is of itself in need of none (support).

“Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do”

Happy is the man who lives there…in and with that knowing. Even as dying. For he alone knows what mercy is, what forgiveness is, as to have it rightly answered. He asks…for what He knows. Even in His right ministry of it. His alone right ministry of it…to whomever He wills.

And He wills it to what doesn’t know what it does.

Is that you?

Is this…me?

What is primary?

What doesn’t know what it does…or the granter of mercy?

God knows.

It is enough.

I have spoken quite broadly of what man does, or men do; especially in, and with, their minds. And of things taking place in their own (our own) consciousness. No doubt to some this is irksome. And, no doubt, to some even provocational. To the one causally reading I have little need of persuasion that most is seen, at best, as an uncharitable view. One might even say a cynic’s view if so inclined, and that all presented is no more than that; the self indulgent rantings of a man with a blade to hone. There is no argument had, nor need of one to present against this. After all, in any accusation the concession would already be present if one concedes I am only a man.

There is already an agreement to likeness by identity as “a” man, even if only a ranting one. And so identity and identifying in, and to, some likeness fits us both; and perhaps better than appreciated. And again, I have little doubt that to those thus persuaded, there is a preference to either think of one’s self as more charitable and most probably, not a ranter. More…what(?)…deliberate, rational, of some greater consciousness, some greater understanding of what “really takes place” or is taking place broadly across the spectrum of man’s considering of himself in his consciousness.

But here again we find point of agreement; that consciousness…even if disputed over, is a real thing. A very thing quite immaterial, yet found in (produced by? a product of? real…at all?) a material being. And which, as from it flows in the man all other notions (are they real?) of truth, justice (or fairness), trust, and every counterpart that is thereby included if conceding them as real…lie(s), injustice, and distrust. What a wealth of matters come into view!

I will at this time leave off who juggles/handles them with any skill, if at all.

But to the less than casual reader who may be paying greater attention to things said and is not so inclined to judge merely according to approval or opprobrium, the source of that irk could well lie or be held as against, in some sensing of what appears a lack of consistency. Hypocrisy. Or against even some unspoken claim of ascendancy. That is in finding a man (like me) so willing to point out what he calls presumptions and presumptuousness as broadly identified across the display of man’s consciousness, but does not see his own presumptuousness to imagine he can himself step outside of his own being as a man to hold such perspective as such would either allow, or be able to be held to, any confirming. This would indeed be the heights (or depths) of hypocrisy. Of presumptuousness.

Yet, see how much we agree as to their being no less to us….real things? And to hearken back…where do presumptuousness and hypocrisy fall on your scale of “good” and “bad”? Are they…neutral? Hold some smelly and offensive taint? See how we all betray ourselves to holding incessant and unrelenting…judgments in our consciousness of even one another.

I say they are so rarely turned as they must be if the balance is to be square, if the scale is to be equitable; to not only outwardly as to what we perceive as coming to us, but inwardly to where still another thing no less comes to us, our perceptions of ourselves.

Yes, it’s too easy to us (comforting, comfortable, pleasurable) to say “Who do you think you are to…?” to another.

But when we find the question turned as one unrelentingly posed, as one in which we are forever in effort to answer (we like to think rightly) but of which we only deceive ourselves and are deceived by notion of comfort (and rightly goes out the window faster than we know) it is always present, always turned by motive of comfort for ourselves…but which remains, nevertheless.

“Who do you think you are…?”

And we are always caught in it…for response, and by our response.

Everything that is…holds expression of itself. And gives it away.

And it is not me asking “Who do you think you are?”, you began answering that long before in every motion, thought, word, and deed…of when you first touched consciousness.

You’ve been caught in trying to know by trying to show (just as I)

“Who you are”

But what will you (or I) do when finding there is nothing we can do about it for either the knowing or the showing?

Telling ourselves? That is out. For who can assume in himself a superiority of view of himself that would give perspective, view…to judge? If (as said) judgment holds some inherent assumption of superiority (or at very least separation from or to the thing being judged) but…who imagines themselves…superior to themselves?

Yes, we are all very well caught.

Unless something superior to us is, and is both willing and able to tell us who we are. But that then means submitting to “its” judgment as from that superior place and position. And there is something loathe to accept that. Its being as merely a created thing. Creator…of no thing…and certainly not itself.

A thing that might say “I believe there is such a thing as truth” or what is true. A thing that might even tell itself or say of itself additionally, “and I want to know the truth” as though its motive of seeking is pure toward that one thing. But, let’s not fool ourselves (or better, let’s not continue to); truth cannot be had apart from submission to it, acceptance of it as fully over one (or us) with no wiggle room allowed for its greater application toward one man as not towards another. To indict one man or seek to constrain him to whatever degree with it, while letting another go free (so to speak). And always ourselves at very least…included. There is no “Friends and Family” plan for exemptions nor mitigation…with “you” (or me) as center of that source for dispensing.

And it is one of our (as man) common, but crafted clevernesses [sic] to imagine some grasp of truth sets us above another, makes us better than another…when in reality the only right response, equitable balance in response to truth…is a greater submission to it as imposed by its knowing. One cannot know truth apart from knowing of such submission.

And one can tell me (or any other) they don’t care a thing about “it” while still striving to make known to both me (and yourself) “who you are”. To give what one imagines is the truth…of who they are.

We really don’t know what we make of ourselves.

A god.

Judging all things as judged by none other.