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If we do speak of emotions and emotional responses, and have somewhat in the examples of Saul>Paul and Jonah, and consider their implications for us; it might be too easy for some to imagine only emotionless response is being recommended. As if there were no place for anger, or tears, of warm feelings and the like…God forbid.

Their matter of origin, though, is always of paramount importance and significance. The scriptures surely testify obliquely in places, quite plainly in others that our God is in no less possession of such, and/or moved by such. Jesus no less is testified to have looked about Himself in anger:

And when he had looked round about on them with anger, being grieved for the hardness of their hearts, he saith unto the man, Stretch forth thine hand.

At those present looking for excuse to accuse Him of “working” on the sabbath. Jesus sees all “lying in wait” for accusation, and the hardness of hearts doing so instead of showing mercy.

I will not deny knowing this working. I have seen it “too close to home” at times (or even many times) to admit or confess as having been so ensnared. A “light” has to be shown as on.

“Self” exaltation is no matter I am done with, nor immune to its corrupt tendency and outworkings.

I have only one place to look to see it “not” displayed. And that place is set for all reproval and rebuke and (usually only afterwards) grateful for His exercise. And this despite His lack of concern about how it makes me “feel” in the moment.

His lack of concern for our interpretation of Himself and what He says…well…at times it almost appears He doesn’t care much for making friends the way men do. Nor even with much keeping of them (the way men do). Then I am reminded. Of course! He is the savior form all that men do incurring dread consequence to themselves.

“Get thee behind me Satan”! Yikes.

“Will you (guys) leave also”?

“You guys are gonna run for the hills” (Why Lord! How could you think so little of “me”?)

Yet it is precisely because He has thought enough of us to have come in being sent, we are saved. Does that make us a something…or He an everything? This will be worked out or not.

And no one has ever loved me enough to tell me all the truth about myself…and certainly even Mom, though so greatly loved. My dear wife often comes closer, and at such times it is good she is well armored.

How often I could be found so wrongly interpreting this: “And a man’s enemies shall be they of his own household”. I always preferred to think it would be “my righteousness” being resisted, when resistance (which produces heat) rises. O! stupid man! After all…I believe in the Lord! (Anyone else discovering they are not the last disciple? Or alone in Christ? Maybe even not so much in the know as they love to imagine? Ha!)

Yep, God’s way is perfect. And it would be so (even more?) distressing for me to go on at any length when speaking about emotions and their workings and consequences to deny fires I have started. I have burnt down whole households with fires I have started and allowed. And/or, even eagerly thrown gasoline upon. My deepest and truest testimony among men remains that no matter how wrong any particular man may, or can be (as myself being paramount example), there remains a wholly righteous one.

Yes. And yet, it is He who ministers the spirit of faith that bids us speak.

Yes, Jesus is kind enough to give us “things to do” while in these tents. And one of them (maybe the least of them?) is speaking to one another. But, we are not forbidden.

Saul was asked his why. “Why do you persecute me?”
Jonah was queried with “Then said the LORD, Doest thou well to be angry?” Or, as in another translation: “Do you have a good reason to be angry?”

Good reason?

Who has it? Would He share it? (Come let us reason together)

Reason and emotion. They often seem at odds in us, especially when emotion(s) have the ascendancy. And may so easily fool us, or make fools of us. But we must also admit, and no less, bad reason and reasoning(s) cannot do less. For they will also end in unwarranted rise of emotion(s) from a place of falsity.

I have often written of that fellow Rutherford or Lord Rutherford, who upon first discovering how much (in his case little) of what we consider “matter” and material (as in solid) exists took to his bed, remaining there for fear of slipping through the floor. Everything is “mostly” space! Vast spaces on the atomic level such that his mind, now informed of this, filled him with terror. Obviously it would be plainly foolish to think such a bed, composed of atoms no less, would offer greater support. His mind in terror by what his mind deduced, hid from his mind a manifestly plain thing. And caused him to view another (the floor) as now insufficient to him. Something made too true to him to deny by his experimentation, upsetting all his prior understandings (and even experience(s), overwhelmed all sense(s) of good reason.

And so we too, as now in the Lord and under the Lord for discipling, discipline and tutelage may hear and discover things leading to utmost of upset. Our emotions may rise up seeking to get the better of us as the first disciples often discovered. The Lord always has reason for His saying and reason to be found in His saying(s), yet at first hearing their may arise a tumult. And in some cases (as we can see) even a rebuke or correction offered to the Lord. (Do you or I really need to ask Peter?) And our Lord never shies away from speaking what is to us often, that hard thing. Sometimes very hard. Really, and always…too hard a thing for any of us to understand but for God’s spirit.

The Jews therefore strove among themselves, saying, How can this man give us his flesh to eat?

Jesus…are you always trying to lose followers? It often appears so.

Or is it rather…show them how lost they are already?

Were we to continue with this issue/matter of emotion(s), it would serve us well to consider Jonah.

I trust we all know the story of how, after stiff resistance (one might even chuckle to say it) he was “made willing” to carry out the Lord’s instructions to him, finally preaching coming judgments upon the city of Nineveh. It was to be overthrown in 40 days.

But the people took heed to the prophet’s dire prediction and made such repentance before the Lord that He stayed His hand and showed them mercy. But Jonah did not like this, no not at all.

We then read of Jonah presenting his reasons and reasonings of the “why” he didn’t want to come and preach. Almost like a “See? I told you so!” to God.

But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was very angry. And he prayed unto the LORD, and said, I pray thee, O LORD, was not this my saying, when I was yet in my country? Therefore I fled before unto Tarshish: for I knew that thou art a gracious God, and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repentest thee of the evil.

In fact the scriptures state he was so consumed with anger he even asked the Lord to take his life, as disgruntled as he was:

Therefore now, O LORD, take, I beseech thee, my life from me; for it is better for me to die than to live.

Have you known this…ever? A being so marinated in frustration and anger you plead to die? Enough is enough! I just can’t take anymore!

But…how funny(?)…ridiculous(?)…self undercutting is this? O! but we may be so foolish at times…especially those times when we do not even know our pleas are, indirectly (to us) for God to be “less merciful”. It is a strange place, no? “I know you are a merciful God…but I cannot bear you being merciful to a “them” or _________.(Fill in the blank with whatever enemy you would prefer to see judgment fall upon) Almost, if not entirely, forgetting that it is only God’s mercy He is known to any of us. Jonah didn’t eschew mercy when in the belly of the great fish…did he? Do we?

But before it seems I am singling out Jonah as a type unfamiliar to myself (as though I could never be like that) suffice it so say “Hey, Lord! hey Jonah! I “get it”. We men do not see every well at all…help! And when our anger is having the better of us…we may not even know what we ask…when we ask. And to remain in it does not daunt the Lord….only our own souls. For the Lord is not done yet.

(And thanks be to God for the many “yets” He has ministered to me in His mercy! And I hope in no less mercy “ahead”.)

And the Lord is undaunted by Jonah’s anger. For the event continues with Jonah sitting outside the city to see what would happen to it. Perhaps he still held out some hope for lightning bolts, or gaping holes to consume, or whatever calamity would “lift his mood”. God knows.

I am persuaded that in one sense (at least) Jonah, not being “done” with the Lord’s dealings, and the Lord not unwilling to even heap to him more displeasure, finds himself first in some relief (by a gourd) to only be further tormented by the Lord’s preparing of worm to destroy that shade giving gourd Jonah appreciated. God’s showing much providence in his particular preparations for Jonah…first a great fish, then a gourd, and now a worm…and next to be such vehement heat and wind (prepared)…that again Jonah wishes himself…dead.

Sun beating down unrelentingly so that he fainted in its unbearableness…and wishing for death…but then…

The Lord spoke to him. God…seeking to now reason with His divine wisdom and reason with one who has presented his pleas, made his full anger known at his estate, even as one not so disposed to God’s disposition to be, and show Himself…merciful.

But, God speaks.

And God said to Jonah, Doest thou well to be angry for the gourd? And he said, I do well to be angry, even unto death. (This fellow certainly seems to hold fast to his “reasons” in being unrelenting in his clutching of anger…Yes…”I do well to be angry, even unto death”)

“I do well”?

Does God love the stubborn? Would He continue to speak to such?
(I am persuaded my salvation rests upon such patience only God shows)

Then said the LORD, Thou hast had pity on the gourd, for the which thou hast not laboured, neither madest it grow; which came up in a night, and perished in a night: And should not I spare Nineveh, that great city, wherein are more than sixscore thousand persons that cannot discern between their right hand and their left hand; and also much cattle?

Is this not God setting the record straight in His reason and reasoning with a man? (Come, let us reason together) Even showing the flimsiness/foolishness’/corruption of anything that would, upon its own reason, present any justification by which to bind God. Or seem “reasonable”.

None of this is, nor ever has been any of your doing…as engaged as you may feel to it and with it. (emotions often reinforce the notion that something of “all” is happening exclusively to ourselves…again because we “feel” them so)

And so, as far as the scriptures speak in this account, the Lord’s final appeal is to a man to consider the many souls he neither intended nor formed, and up to this point has shown no regard for.

And this man is unashamedly called of God as a prophet. Jesus no less referring to him in his stature when walking amongst us. A someone called of God, even knowing of His mercy as he declared. Yet shown furiously holding to an anger God sought to reason him out from.

It is strange in many ways to consider whether this mission was as much for him, and not any less than it was to preach to the Ninevites. God’s economy is perfect.

And, who learns from this? And who is, perhaps not unlike any who do not know their right hand from left till enlightened, very much like any “other” man?

And if need be, God is not reluctant to mention even the beasts of the field.

What might be left for us to let go of certain things, to better see, and understand mercy?

May we not be found despising the very matter that has made Christ Jesus Himself, life to us.

The issue of our emotions is really no problem for God, as they more often appear to us as issue, than they do for Him. Though we may be tricked by them in many ways, have thought and sight clouded often, be led by them into all manner of calamity on occasion, even develop whole of dispositions and outlooks based upon them, yet God remains unscathed and, in most cases…unmoved by our attentions to them.

No doubt to some this would seem to contradict a very dear truth that:

For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.

For surely this is true and precious. And God forbid any who would seek to undermine that reality. Yes, our Lord is touched by our weaknesses, even and especially in temptations. But, and no less, must we look to Him for navigation especially when feeling overcome in our own weaknesses that would otherwise tend to sin.

Yes, God loves, cherishes, and is unashamed to call us His own and even share His glory, (for He will not share it with an “other”) yet, He remains not indulgent of us. And we all should know (must know?) things “winked at” in times past due to our own darkness of understanding are all to be made clear in the present light of Christ. And no less should we suffer being taken advantage of as was made clear by our Lord’s refusal to partake in a pity party being catered through our brother, Peter.

Our Lord, God’s Christ, Jesus, knew the end prepared in His betrayal and sufferings was to life eternal…even for Peter, and likewise knew who was making appeal through him. And how often might a man be maneuvered to, in his sensing of feelings provoked, go to such lengths as would deny the very source of his establishment.

There was for Peter a place, as no less for us, prepared aforehand for accomplishment that would provide such mercy as was ordained to be accomplished in such a way. And no other way. And even though our Lord knew well (all to well) how such plan must appear to man, He remains, not merely undeterred…but in such address which, apart from God’s mercy, no man could bear in rebuke.

But he turned, and said unto Peter, Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men.

Shall we talk about having a swimming head? Terror(s)? Firmness?

Or what answer one might come up with to this “why” issued from Heaven? Or how long would be given for response?

Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me?

(How long do I have to figure this out, Lord, this “why”?)

Short answer: Because I hate all attached to your name. (dare it be said…there?)

But that still does not sufficiently answer the why…for it only provokes another…and one we learn (f we have learned) our brother Paul was given time to consider and discover through revelations provided…as to that “why”…The why of why men hate that name. The feelings of hate, hatred, which overtake and move so many are quite secondary to matters far more fundamental, and to be discovered, uncovered for their nakedness to show their poverty.

Do any imagine the Lord did not know of Saul’s hatred for the name…before asking that “why”? He who was spoken of as: “breathing out threatenings and slaughter against the disciples of the Lord” Not unlike some vision of a dragon…spewing flames and choking smoke.

Yet, the Lord asks such a man, a man chosen to be asked, a man chosen…”why?”. And we know that Paul (once Saul) labored greatly in uncovering that why, displaying that why in its flimsiness against the truth of Christ, and even took to himself such reason for it, not by excuse, but in response to a mercy shown him through grace that upon it he stood:

“I was ignorant”.

How might any man be overtaken by such raging emotions of hatred that he be so blind? How might any emotions so take advantage?

Mostly, because if left un-checked (for they do and must, bear checking) like buttress we are convinced of “good reason” for them.

It is not the emotions themselves that are an issue (and certainly not for God toward us) but those matters upon which we find so called “reason” for them. The emotion springs up not without some provocation (though often taking advantage of ignorance) and so takes over through depth of feeling(s) that they become the most immediate and present thing to us. We “really” feel them. And this, because we sense as real are more assuring there is “good reason” for them. We are always inclined to believe (till disabused) that only truth spurs our emotions.

And so we have issues with, or even troubles and problems with understanding certain matters, especially as spoken by the Lord.

Again, this is not at all to say “naked” emotions have no place, for often they are used of God (who remains undeterred by them or their expression) to help enlighten us. Even such matters of, let us say “love and hate” get so confused to us as to how they are manifest in ignorance, to deceive us.

Especially in matters relating to “our own” of which the Lord spoke, and therefore has and had something to say. The Lord, our savior, is never without reason, even if, and when, we be. Therefore we find great comfort in “come let us reason together”…that our reason and reasoning be made sound.

It’s kinda funny at times. At least when we see it; cause it sure doesn’t work the way we once thought it did, mostly hoped it would…and for the most part…how we have often told others it does and/or “should”. But, perhaps I am only telling on myself. And even then, and if so, am only telling in the merest part if in any thinking I can clean myself by coming clean, remains.

Who can judge a man? And not simply to what he may do, or think, or be caught in motive for, but even has the self free enough of all bias to declare what man, or even a man, is? Is any, are any, objective “enough”?

That appears precious to us, doesn’t it? To believe we can embody some objectivity, or already do, that allows us to both see rightly and unsullied by contaminants of lens to sum up things. I’m persuaded that such inclination, no, almost inescapable practice… when reduced, traced back or down to root, simplest source, foundation, well spring…is merely another way we state the greatest lie of all: “I am God”. Yes, it is kinda funny at times.

And if, or when such is exposed of us, or even more commonly laid as accusation against us as the silliness it is, perhaps even proved by some sting of it…we balm such wounding with “Well, at least I am ‘more objective’ than that silly one”.

This is often the ground the so called scientist seeks to stand upon as proof of himself. And this is regardless of whether such scientist is found working in a sterile lab seeking to unlock the mysteries of the universe or a religious man, even a so called spiritual man found doing and observing experiments taking place in his own soul.

And each of us has our own ‘little lab’ in which such takes place. We each, to establish our rightness, seek to limit on what is at best only a continuum of diligence, untoward influences. We account only for as much as we can. Seek to exclude contaminants, biases, whatever we may think may later, if found, call our proofs into question. Unsteady our declarations. We all carry background emanations into our search, and/or hope for objectivity, our experiments of seeking to stand upon some immovable and ineffable truth of things. Yet, I am the bias, itself. The turd in the punch bowl if any can bear such indelicacy.

The “it” in the first paragraph of “how it works”? “It’s” the work of Christ in us. It’s surely different. Different than anything we know, could have known, or surmised. Certainly different than anything we could volunteer for, enlist ourselves to, or gain by any exercise of will other than God’s. But then of course, it would have to be, no? As different in all things once known or imagined as Christ is as different, distinct, and unfathomable if at all compared to anything other. His work is different precisely because He is…at least in the sense of anything we once knew. This divine reconstruction, whereby all things are made new for us (and no less to us) we learn no less incorporates a great deconstruction. Yes, a real tearing down…even in our own sight of all idols, all things other that even once held out to us, or spoke to us, of most sublime estate imaginable. Yes, all things that would, in other than the light of Christ Himself, be counted as good. Paul learned to a knowing what dung truly is in the light provided to him of his Lord, savior, and yes, conscripter. That One…who he proclaimed “gave himself for me”.

Here is a quite personal aside. But God already knows of it, has long known of my many musings over it, considerations of it for any wholesomeness versus some degeneracy of self serving display. God knows. It is this: Can a man be found dropping a dime on God (so to speak) by discussing His works and workings in a man or men of His choosing? You know, like a magician who has found a living exposing how a trick is done…the inner or hidden workings that result in gasps or ahhs! from those before whose eyes such are done. How stupid can a man be, right? Especially in regards to any so called hidden work or motive even if, or for, thinking one can speak hidden things before Him with whom we have to do. You know, that One from whose eyes nothing is hidden.

And, of course, God is not a magician, and as for me, I am not God. Nor privy to all or any of His ways unless he choose to reveal. Besides which there is nothing that can be said apart from that which already is, and laid down through, and of the Christ already in the scriptures. And again, no matter what a man may say, even in their regard (the scriptures) their depth as given through the Christ is no less a depth that only Christ can teach. Mostly (if I may say) we are (how able am I to speak for any besides myself?) if not already in awe of such depths, will be. So here’s my cue and clue…any and all of what I may consider my doing or speaking matters not at all. Those that already understand, do. I add nothing to anyone. Those that resist could rightly rebuke a heretic, hypocrite, or liar no less rightly if, or as, they are directed of the Lord.

To one yet ignorant of such matters, how that growth involves as much a stripping away of things if any virtue is sought (itself a grace given only of God to seek after virtue) then he will abide as he is till moved. It will make no sense to him at all how that growth involves as much subtraction in such measure as God’s addition of Christ to him is. And the Christ who is given to man, if He is, will no less walk through a man’s soul as necessary as He walked through the temple marketplace. And the man will know this. Insufferable stuff…simply has to go. Room must be made for the Holy.

Yes, a man in Christ does indeed have all necessity satisfied in full…by his presence in Christ and Christ’s presence in him. But (or better I shall say) And he will learn the presence of God’s sacrifice on his behalf will have effects once unknown to him of all the things he once thought…good. And none of these has God chosen to hide from any, His Christ speaks plainly. All and any to whom they are hidden, they are. And (not but) Jesus is not timid nor shy in these…all things against which esteem is measured or compared…if sought to be applied to Christ for any comparison, will be shown as corrupt and corrupted. And the very act of comparison yet reveals such taint.

So no. No man can drop a dime on God and His workings through Christ, or expose what shouldn’t be (even if he thought he could) for God simply forbids what He forbids, and allows what He allows. Paul saw and heard certain things of which he was forbidden to speak, or would be unlawful to (or at least a certain man he knew in Christ, did) yet he was allowed to testify that such a thing had taken place. Is this tricky of God? Or tricky of Paul? As though God, not knowing man’s frame and ways would be shocked or surprised to discover at least one wondering “Gee…what did he see and hear this man who testifies that about such it is not lawful to speak…but are yet true…things?” Is God teasing? Is Paul? Or could it be something other, even? God knowing our predilection toward speculations and speculating…and is even there “flushing them out”? Ho! But is God being that wise?! Is that how things (or at least one way) get flushed out of us? We recognize them operating and see their poverty, plainly? There’s a way we learn about certainty and certainties when “what ifs” are exposed for what they are. Never a firm foundation…but even their shakiness serves a purpose to provoke a seeking of a greater securing. Yes, they may be a “start”…but never the end.

The certainty of Christ is. What that end is. To know, even as we are known. And against which one man once measured all things and found them less than puerile preoccupations, but dung if (need be) compared to the excellency of knowing Christ in both His sufferings and resurrection. And no man, apart from God’s work is, or can be, witness to either or both.

A man, needing no cleansing, but for righteousness’ sake of fulfillment, submitted himself to a baptism at the hands of another man. A man totally immune to accusation allowed His accusers to do with Him as they would in submission to His father. A man who had not sinned, nor would be found guilty of it had he opted to not endure the cross, nevertheless endured to put away the sins of those He would never abandon.

Of all these matters nothing could ever be made too much, only testified to as simply and clearly by any man to whom God has given the grace to do so. And this is the purest joy of any man so graced, to testify of his savior. In a place of muttering dust, talking dirt, such is given to know as miraculous and most marvelous gift of occupation. And any so seeming straitness of discipline, hardness of lesson, pain of endurance, grief in chastenings or momentary affliction of loss, is so swallowed by such victory as is His alone, and yet even shared; and which cannot be dimmed of such glory.

And the Lord sees, and does not despise. As unstingy as He is amongst His own to share His glory, the spirit is no less diligent to reveal His sufferings. For God has put a lock on such matters against prying eyes, or the merely curious mind of man who conceives of clever device for investigation and judgments. The man persuaded such can serve him in all things, even of his own reason, that are then wrongly concluded to gain by his own efforts, skill, diligence or superiority.

God hides His glory where no man can make himself see. Where even own desire cannot suffice, nor ever could, but through Christ has been made totally reliant upon the good pleasure of another to show.

Yet, there is nothing hidden…except to be revealed. And this must be believed before it can be made known as true. And one either believes the words of the Christ of God or has not yet entered that place of being stripped of lie. Where Crist alone is all the gain.

I am hard pressed to consider that not every man believes he “thinks right”. That is that, according to whatever equipping he may have, he has rightly come to any and all conclusions he embraces; and that in one sense he has earned them. He imagines all his weights and balances to be fair, true, rightly assessed and fit for use and applications to whatever observations are filtered through and by them to such conclusion(s). Or, as one once phrased it: “All of a man’s ways are right in his own eyes”. And yet, to be fair, even if such phrasing holds some quasi indictment of a failing and extremely solipsistic estate (even aside from offering any remedy) how could it not be so? What does a man have but his own mind to both see from, and use for?

But this does not ameliorate such sense of indictment. For, even if reaching out (so to speak) to other minds as might seem a salubrious endeavor to gather to one’s self other points of view, the impetus to do so is a frank admission and is itself indictment of such a locked in estate. Our terror at isolation is great…that matter of being lost in (and to) ourselves. Any desire to rid ourselves of such as might be called a dread provinciality only enforces by its exercise, even if seeming brief respite is found, the very truth of it. One need only to do the experiment to know, or by refusal, prove.

Just as on the material level of things, “touch” as we might describe or hold in mind to some imaging never truly takes place (with vast gaps of space made known on molecular levels) even so communications and communing’s assumed (no less in mind) may be no less delusional. The vastness of separation(s), belied by our own processing of experience(s) are often too terrible to consider. Our best attempts to bridge…or escape this too terrible knowing of isolation (does every man die alone?) are more likely to disclose the very frailty of such bridging. A man who has been betrayed, or senses such experience to himself…well…actually…who hasn’t or doesn’t? We cling as much to our victimhood in such, as part and parcel of those seemingly correct weights and balances incorporated, as strongly as we seek relief from that abyss of isolation…that dread knowing of being abandoned into the hole of solitary confinement.

But we are good at (or better yet, practiced in) clever invention. The manufacture of things for an apparent centrality around. If scrupulously maintained by joint effort (yet how we imagine ourselves immune to entropy!) we can warm ourselves with illusions of being together in, and to, a thing. And for some of that brief time described above, enjoy some respite from noxious plumes rising from the basement. But O!, what dreams may come from that untamable miasma beneath.

No, there is no escape but by an invasion. An occupation of our walled city. But no man could want this. No man could even dream of wanting this. It’s what dogs him in night terrors, the unwanted intruder…but…

Does every man die alone?

If we only knew to how great an extent this inner persuasion colors our decisions, our will for, and toward others in matters of sought control, we might gladly relinquish the helm.

Of course, it would take no less than what is commonly called a miracle. To see our assumed objectivity about ourselves as fit judges is the greatest presumption we inherit in these skins.

And God forbid (if one can receive it) I express any resistance to, or negativity toward any man who might throw up his hands and say “In this we are all in the same boat and all utterly hopeless and helpless against it.” It is impossible for man to surrender his deepest metrics by which he measures all. He is himself to himself, the sole place he is granted to stand and survey.

And love, for us, is only at best an exercise of invitation from what we endure as what is to us our deepest level. A “bringing in” to ourselves and to that deepest level we know, or claim to, of another.

And too rare might be the person who does not know something of that door “swinging both ways”, for always from above looking down, or from beneath undergirding, sits that judge who alone occupies truly deepest level. The “me” to whom all is happening in any recognition of what it believes is happening. In one sense, as some might see, we are forever in matters of marriage and divorce with the me as adjudicator…sometimes justice of the peace, sometimes warrior king or bouncer.

And we love/hate the me above all. It is what strives for exclusive and all powerful maintenance of self as exclusive and necessary to the true knowing of itself, while all the while no less engaged against the terrors of isolation. For it only knows itself as against a back drop of what it calls other. “Well, you are not me!” is nothing too unimaginably foreign to even the longest wed. That door is always being maintained whether only in thought or further, in words expressed.

But this is not strange to any, is it? There’s no claim of being anything but captain obvious, reciting the most trite observations.

To further reduce we long for both father and mother while likewise despising father and mother. Mother sitting in the gallery as only one with tears for us while we stand in the docket. But we may see, no less, with some recognition it has been that unqualified approval that has brought us to stand as defendant. The restrictions of father who knows all children must eventually face the world equipped with some responsibility is alternately hated, but also with some ruing of neglecting the steeling he had hoped, and perhaps was called for, to infuse.

We are products.

When in the lead of the parade we are self made. When before the bailiff approaching with cuffs, we cry product.

And this thing, in all instability and subject to all circumstance in dependence for the knowing of itself we often think

“And I turned out OK”.

How can a man…can a man…be free of all influences that were themselves subject to all influence?

If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple?

Ya ever wonder what kind of circumstances a man saying that is leaving the door open to?
Will he be moved? Close the door?

“You have missed only one important step,” said the man.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” said the other, adding, “and besides I think I have presented everything in a quite clearly supported argument of reason.”

“May I ask, supported by what?” came the reply.

“Well, first of all,” he said, hoping his response would not betray his irritation at being so questioned, “supported by all the literature and by the opinions and conclusions of almost all others of the field.”

He really hoped this would be the end of the matter, for as far as he could see, and to a man all others expressed their approvals, but only this one man dare have the temerity to both first correct and then question him.

“No doubt” he thought to himself, “this man is being merely contrarian for the sake of it, a one wanting to stand out from others who has picked me as his target,” were the words unspoken. With a hefty sauce of jealousy flavoring all other ingredients.

He had dealt with many others of this ilk, always with endless questions that to him lead nowhere…and are only fabricated as provocation to frustration. Looking for that ubiquitous and much sought after “gotcha moment”.

But, the other man appeared to have no indication of being turned or stepping away, and so the man steeled himself in preparation to remain calm and apparently reasonable. At least while the onlookers yet milled about as witnesses.

For this he was summoning the greatest of his self control as direst labor to appear kind, but not saccharine, saying, “And I hope this puts your mind at ease with my conclusions.”

“Oh” said the other, “I can say nothing of your conclusions nor how they may be affected in the neglect of that one step” adding “What you conclude may mean something but little; but how you conclude is to me, at least, all that matters”.

He went on “I am far more interested in the how of how you do your work than any product of it.”

Saying also “I do not disregard there are effects of conclusions shared, only that without some attention to sharing the work necessary to their right concluding, one has really instructed in nothing.”

This was said evenly and without any accusation. But that did not matter much to the hearer; less in fact, in light of how his boiler was now being fed, and to almost bursting point. But, there were still a few stragglers milling about on the steps outside the doors.

And so he summoned all to contain himself, even though he felt himself slipping into a realm beyond his control. He frantically sought relief and key as to what precipitated this most unwelcome exchange. And that if, finding key, finding first reason of its precipitation he might finally, and expertly lock it up…and so he, in frenetic thought, scrambled to finally throw this man the meat he was after, and be done with it.

But, “what was it? What was it?”

“The literature is clear” he thought to himself. “My reasoning no less sound, and even exquisite” he held in deepest recesses. “My presentation was unhurried and comprehensive of the material I sought to convey, even graspable by a 10 year old” his thoughts raced. All seen within in milliseconds. But somehow he knew, somehow he knew, especially amongst witnesses, that he dare not treat this other as a 10 year old.

A clearly patronizing approach, though tempting, is too easily turned by clever men such as these.

And he had learned egg on his face is not a good look on him, especially where others might see. He was grinding through his cerebral gears trying to get ahead and finally shut down this opposition.

Ahhh! Eureka! It came to him in a flash. A blinding flash in promise of relief…as lightning precedes a deluge coming to comfort parched fields. The tables could be turned to a different tack by his own asking of question also and instead; rather than be the one provoked by their probing. Yes, he had the power to also ask, and probe. Yes! He would ask! He would ask.

And so this fury of heat and blinding light upon him would be…turned…and turned toward that present other. And so he quickly composed himself.

“May I ask about anything I have said that you find incomplete in step or process that causes you now to question?” He wasn’t even sure if this humbling expressed in question and request was real or not. All he knew is he had to assume that position, for better or worse as supplicant, for the merest relief of that sensing his head about to explode.

“Yes, you may” said the man., “And I am happy you asked.”

He went on “Your conclusion that all you believe established in your presentation and reasoning was to one end.”

Yes”, yes” the man responded. He felt more comfortable now for he was absolutely certain that conclusion most sound of all and without any place of contradiction. He felt back again “on his own turf” and at ease enough to ask another question.

“To clear the air, may I ask what you believe was that final conclusion? So that we may see if we are on the same page or that if any fault of communicating is attributable to me, or perhaps, if you are able, accept that you may not have heard me correctly?”

The man almost stunned himself by his allowances and hearing the words coming out of him. He was not used to engaging on this level at all. In entertaining possibilities new to himself for the sake of relief he sensed the gauge on his boiler returning to safe operating range. And he was not at all concerned as to whether he had maneuvered himself there or was brought to it…for now it was enough to feel the heat leaving himself.

That there was a change he was sure, and was relishing it. He no longer feared an embarrassing explosion. And when the other responded he could barely keep himself from blubbering. And the other did respond.

“I believe your conclusion is, and was, that all is to the end of relationship, and that particularly neither legal nor contractual exchange…even if such may have had once appearance of beginning so”. “And” he added “that all is in service to this end regardless of how little, even at any time, or even in any circumstance, things may appear otherwise” “And” continuing “I believe I heard you say ‘Relationship is all’…unless I misremember”.

This is now where the man fairly blubbered as aforementioned. “No, no, no,” he exclaimed being now overcome by an ebullience strange to himself “No, you neither misheard nor misremember, that is precisely the point” and for whatever reason not saying “my point”.

Yet he was aware he hadn’t. He felt oddly relieved of trying to own anything in these moments. He went on to say “No, you got it, you got it! In fact I would say by your summary of my 30 minutes you as well, if not better, grasp all I was aiming at in trying”. This ebullience was causing him to both say and think in ways totally new to himself…even to some giving away of a betterness.

And though he did not know how this could be…yet somehow he sensed were it too overexamined he might lose the joy of the moment. This experience was simply too new and delicious to yet be parsed or stuck as a bug for dissecting…someone…even this man “knew” and “got” all he was striving to say. He couldn’t help himself here…here was where he wanted to stay. He dare not even ask why in its consummation and consumption of all else.

And he could not take his eyes off the beaming smile coming at him now…from that “other” even in this overwhelming and almost embarrassing joy. Though this thought did cross his mind, most fleetingly. Are we mimicking one another? Or, am I only mimicking him? Reflecting to each other as from one another? In all this he felt both lost and found…at once. Lost to knowing, yet in-dissuadable of how right this present moment is to himself. It was newer than new could describe.

In such lostness his next question was laughable to himself, expressed in laughter, subsumed in it beyond caring of how it might cause him to appear.

Here any question of true humility or any feigning just wasn’t there for the considering…he was not trying now to relieve himself to a more comfortable containment or appearance…for whatever reason he felt safer than ever to appear as supplicant…simply because, as something quite new to himself…he really wanted to know. He couldn’t help but ask. Nor did he have any desire to help himself at all that might restrain.

Ad so he did…ask. He asked with tears running down his face even beholding tears of joy on that other face.

“What one important step was I missing?” “You know, the one you mentioned when we first met, can you tell me? Do you think I might be able to get it as you have apparently gotten me?”

Some sobriety had entered, but not as displacing joy, but actually accruing from it. The man really wanted to know.

“Oh”, said the other “I think you got it.” “Yes it’s really there to be gotten…and you got it” This “other” man was also careful to not make ownership of this thing exclusive to himself…it was too obviously up for the sharing.

And as he turned to go his way he was met by an almost begging…”Please, please, might you be a little more plain, at least for my sake of what you at least once thought I’d missed but seem to now appear to have?” “Please?, I really do not know”

This posture tore at the man leaving such that he could not deny.

He stopped his turning and looked squarely into a face he could not help but love in its need. Likewise the other was looking into a face of such need to express what he himself had asked for, it was almost too painful.

Yet he couldn’t, and wouldn’t, look away. Had he pressed this man too much? Asked too much of this one with whom he had just shared unspeakable moments of joy? “Am I seeking to take advantage” he wondered briefly…yet he knew he did not know…and had to. “Please?” he said/asked…one more time.

“The step of relationship cannot exclude the acceptance of all you do not know of that other. You can surely include all you might think you know, but there must be that allowance for all you do not know, otherwise one has only entered their own imagination of the other.” Adding “One is real, one is not, and vain”.

“That allowance and acceptance is the only thing that ensures it is relationship…and not something not…otherwise it is all and only an until.”

He wanted to ask more but now the man was on his way. He was not sure of all it meant, but somehow the perfect sense of it didn’t escape him. He understood vaguely that the “all he may not know” of another could be deeper than the deepest sea, especially in regard to the one he once, and just recently opined about from a pulpit. From the same pulpit he declared Him eternal and infinite in being, yet now, to himself he sounded such a fool.

Nothing now seemed more plain to him of the vastness of all he did not know, and he was at a complete loss to himself of how a man might even begin to consider the all he did not know of another…in not knowing it. How deep might another be? Could he tell? And even more importantly…had he been telling to some sum of a thing that is now plainly vain?

Yet…now he found something oddly comforting in being so undone. And also even now some words rung in his ears as great comfort “You can surely include all you might think you know”. No prohibition there…as long as the unknown is not prohibited nor un- left fully open to, and in, disclosure.

O! But it now struck the man again as lightning. (How many lightning strikes is he set to endure?) “I have been talking about all I do not know while feigning at it”. And thoughts followed “What is this thing I have labelled relationship, but know so little of?” And,no less and also came “how could I ever have been angry at that guy? But I know I was.”

He felt compelled to holler after the diminishing figure, “Hey, I have to admit there was some anger…and I’m now convinced all the misunderstanding was on my end”. Was he letting himself off the hook with word of “some”? He thought.

“Think nothing of it brother” came the unforced response from the retreating walker.

“Oh,” the man thought to himself, “this may even be harder than that fellow knows in his saying to not think of myself as I know I surely once most recently was” Came further thoughts of “But he really appears quite unbothered by it, as though forgotten already and besides, I really didn’t know what I was doing”.

Or what he was doing.

Something is always telling something not only that it thinks, but what it thinks and is thinking about. And by the telling of what it thinks and is thinking about, it betrays it is thinking. An “it”, a some “thing”, is in consciousness.

And the spirit rejoices. For the work is perfect.

My dearest atheist friends who would most strenuously object to having any thinking like my own, often express by word they cannot recognize how very alike we are. Especially those who, informed by what is commonly called science, maintain our estate is nothing more than, and neither can be attributed to, anything other than merely assembled dust. We are both, even all, dust with thoughts and opinions. And, no less, with some ability to both know them and share them.

How absolutely alike we are! What boundary is there between us?

Who, or what “makes” us different? Causes us to know distinction amongst ourselves? Or even promotes some enforcing of it? It would appear (at least to me) self identity is, for want of a better word, sacred to each. The very highest of form is, to a man, the ownership of his own thoughts and being.

And though sacred may be a word some naturally shy away from, such shying away from what is frankly too obvious only makes a point also seemingly too obvious for mention; that need to maintain distinction. A maintenance of that self identity. Do any ever consider how much work (and often grievous) is devoted to it?

O! the depths of it! Man engages the very thing for maintenance that brings the deepest horror to himself, isolation. Do I lie? That he is caught here? This very thing of his own choosing that allows him to make both either alien or friend of another, is itself to him ruler. And he can never doubt its benevolence to himself, for above all, it is his most engaged faculty for the knowing of himself. The which, even if or by denial, is most sacred to himself.

A man said:

He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.

When a man finds that thing by which he thinks he preserves himself, and therefore his own life, and it is no less the very thing isolating himself from all true knowing of relationship, he may be finally finding something fit for the losing.

Show me a man who, in some way or fashion has not betrayed wife and children, or wife having not done likewise to husband and children if even in self preference of thought, and either you or they (as myself) are all too easily shown liar.

Do I lie?

How easily are broken even that which we believe we uphold as greatest of agreements. Our maintenance of what we call our self, our integrity (imagined) of unity in and to our “self” is such a fractured thing, divided in every way.

The question of whether there is a who willing to abandon his own estate for the purpose of “making friends”, able to deny self without denying relationship, is either what one is thinking about or has not yet even begun to be considered. For once truly considered, it is an inescapable reality full of all and every pursuit of “how then is such a one?”

One either believes or is locked up to self.

There is not one thing nor matter particular or peculiar to man that is not addressed affirmatively in, and by, the Lord Jesus Christ. And the man made spiritually alive is no less made alive to an awareness of these matters. Would it be too bold to say there is no avoiding the consciousness of them to whatever extent the Lord allows and ministers? I think not.

For an apostle neither naive nor timid in his expositions once said that in matters of judgment that “even” the least in the church should be able to fulfill such matters of judgment with a fit discerning as to uphold righteousness. What is made theirs in Christ, by bequeathal, is some knowledge of life and death, some sensing of righteousness and unrighteousness, some discerning of scheme vs the plan of God revealed in, and through, and by His Christ, Jesus.

And in regards to scheme(s) he was so bold as to say:

Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices. (schemes)

Not ignorant of his schemes.

If taking such to the extreme of scheme, even as undone, conquered over, the setting free of those once bound to it by Christ’s victory, the writer here says:

And deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage.

Deliver them made subject to bondage through fear of death.

In this stripping of weapon(s) by exposure of scheme the writer of the Revelation of Jesus Christ records these words as spoken by the Lord Himself:

I am he that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore, Amen; and have the keys of hell and of death.

What was once held by another is stripped from him and now in full possession of the man (and by the man) who has overcome in every aspect any power once wielded by deception(s) that could accrue to their scheming usage. Any mystery as far as hell and death by which man could be maneuvered is exposed in, and through, the light of the Christ. It is little wonder then, that an apostle looking deeply into His Lord would see the scheme(s) exposed in such light.

He saw. He knew how terror of isolation abetted the unholy fear of man. How seeming failure spoke of matters of death and visible success contrarily spoke of matters of matters of life…by scheme. How a man could be maneuvered in the seems of things to turn right or left according to their appearance to him and what was made to appear resident in each.

A large life (abundance of possessions) was made to seem as speaking of an invulnerability and favor, while the destitute, having little between themselves and the grave, smelled of death and abandonment to isolation.

The apparently “wise” (even the apparently pious) also seemed to have a storehouse for their drawing upon to keep death in form, at bay. All these little deaths kept directing man as signposts along his way “do not go this way, death awaits”…till finally he be captured by that great death.

This has not changed in working except to the man delivered from their deceptions who is now made able to face such without any illusions, and in knowledge of Christ and His work(s). Large does not mean eternal, success before man does not mean anything (and in fact may mean nothing more than the seeking after it, which is itself death at work) and longevity as once testimony of a thing’s establishment in truth can also be easily exposed as built upon the most fragile foundation. All and everything that once spoke “life and favor” by illusion is now exposed in light. The Lord is not discontent with a “little flock”.

To not know by some entrance provided into the experience of Christ of these matters does not mean a man is not appointed to them. He may just not have come to know them…yet. He may still be “playing” in the land of appearances for whatever time God has allowed and appointed to him.

He may have little grasp of their depth and have little appreciation of such matter experienced in Christ where His cries of “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabacthani” came forth and are not yet recognizable to him as also expressed by this apostle, here:

But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead:

The touching of a despair and despairing of all things of self…even self sensing, that God alone show forth His power to raise the dead.

Some may say, and no doubt will, and do, “I only want to know of life…this talk of experience of despair is too foreign to what is held, and I hold, as the experience of life in Christ.” Yes, our tendency and desire is often toward the apparently strong appearing, the self assured one, the fully confident (though often only self confident) one, even forgetting, or having never seen:

For though he was crucified through weakness, yet he liveth by the power of God. For we also are weak in him, but we shall live with him by the power of God toward you.

This matter of carrying about both the dying of the Lord Jesus and the life of the Lord Jesus to some or many may seem ir-resolvable paradox or a mumbling about matters too esoteric to be understood. But the apostle knew it. And he knew it was not alone appointed only to his understanding.

Every broadcast of truth yields a fruitful harvest.

And so in his boldness, even abetted by what he knew to call the “terror of the Lord” he was made to persuade men. Even to such end as all so called as he might not miss out on the all to which they are called and made prepared to receive in and through God’s Christ.

Therefore let no man glory in men. For all things are yours; Whether Paul, or Apollos, or Cephas, or the world, or life, or death, or things present, or things to come; all are yours; And ye are Christ’s; and Christ is God’s.

Embrace who embraces you, even with all things.

If, or when we consider that with which we have been entrusted, that is the gospel of God containing all mystery and things once hidden from time(s) past, we come to realize we have been taken out of time. Quite literally, as ones once occupying time and a place, and as a fish in a river can be caught and removed, we have been plucked from a place and manner of existence into this place we now call true life; that is the Kingdom of God. It is the deepest of truths we are actually given to prove out, even in much experimentation, to know it as true. In that sense we are all scientists proving out each “if” we find of hypotheses presented in our growth. And acknowledging such growth is only of God.

But not only so. Where once we found ourselves with some familiarity, or even some ease of navigating in the old in practices and habits ingrained by repetitions, they begin to have a strangeness about them, an ill fitting and impracticability that is becoming more and more apparent. Additionally, and O! so wonderfully, the new place (which is in Christ) has not what we might label too casually as a familiarity, but rather some unspeakable quality of a “homeness” about it that would almost belie the very truth that it is and remains always new to us. As comforting as it may be to us, even if in coming to some comfortableness about its occupation, there is never any sense imparted of “I am now where certain matters can be taken for granted”. We learn the difference between knowing and presumption. And it is of course this working upon us by the love of God that is all of this accomplishment. I tell you nothing “new” in the sense of information.

“God gives the increase”, one said a while ago. Whether a long while ago or little will depend upon one’s hearing and how devoted it is to time’s framing of all experience per history. There is no situation we will ever encounter, no matter how we may frame it to will or desire in which this is not so…God’s giving of increase. And we do encounter desires here, we do encounter will here, but we dare not be lulled into any sense of our own doing as producing of result, especially growth. Yes, we pray. Yes we entreat. Yes we speak, prophesy, encourage, or warn, caution and/or have some desire of good product even when speaking in matters of, or by, instruction. And inclusive of all matters we might describe as care, or expression of caring. But we dare not take to ourselves any responsibility in it, to it, or for it. And only the novice does not yet see the great comfort and relief in such attitude. Even such tender ministry of comfort and relief to us as experienced in coming to such attitude.

What is meant by this? All is under the Husbandman’s care and tending. But first we must be made aware of this in our very own selves and souls. From there, in gathering, it becomes the attitude in, and of, the church. Poor indeed are we if we do not know this. That if, of His body, we do not yet acknowledge (have something in and of knowing) that in all things it is Christ’s care alone for His own body that is in all exercise to it and for it; we will think a “we” or an “I” has done such thing. This is antithetical to a matter we, again, dare not relinquish by any means…Christ’s speaking:

“I will build my church…”

And as it is uncompromisingly true in any and all particulars to it, the church; each member must be brought to acknowledge (have a knowing) of its veracity. There is no church that is otherwise minded. Such that may appear otherwise for any time as God may allow, will find gates of hell in full prevailing over it eventually. “It” will be stopped. For the stop is already “built into it” so to speak, by any notion of it being man’s doing. And let the ignorant be ignorant.

Will we find labors as believers? Of course. Will we find labors as individual stones gathered into a holy habitation for God to inhabit by His spirit, that is, the church? Again, of course. But I may say with all otherwise convincing as may appear contrary to it and without any fear, no labor will come as more necessary, nor more resisted by the necessity of its most strenuous exercise, than resisting the taking of any credit for any growth, or good product as we may call it if seen, than this labor. And all the more will be the floodgates of hell opened to anything and everything that by any of man’s claim of establishing is presently in being of beholding.

And I have little doubt that to many this appears unspeakable.

And again, with little doubt, I am sure some will point to Paul, claiming to know him or of him enough to say…”But wait!” and go on “Did not Paul appear to have some delight in this saying, even claiming to himself some wisdom?”

According to the grace of God which is given unto me, as a wise masterbuilder, I have laid the foundation, and another buildeth thereon. But let every man take heed how he buildeth thereupon. For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ.

We need to look again, and hear again, even if need be from Paul, of his saying in that which is being said. You say you like context, you want context, but do you? Can you place it in the context of the man’s words? Even his speaking if there be any claim of any knowing of Paul enough to find his words salubrious? To even repeat them? Paul is as hidden to the eye and apprehensions of man as is Christ himself, being in Him and hidden with Him, in God. For we know no man, nor can, as after the flesh.

And I have little doubt this is again to many…unspeakable.