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Though mentioned only in passing in part 1, the matter of truth as relates to consciousness is of paramount importance. But for now, foregoing a fuller investigation of that relationship, can we return to the matter of consciousness with even the dimmest of hopes for its understanding?

It is, to say the least, a slippery matter to aim toward any definition, no? After all, don’t we use our consciousness in attempting any definition of it? Is there any place imaginable where a thing is not defined in terms of observation from some “elsewhere” that is not the thing itself? What is meant by this? Simply that to know a thing to such extent as being able to define it implies the necessity of standing apart from it to know all its limits.

We define words, and often exhaustively. There may be listings from most common usage to the most arcane or nuanced of their use, but attempt is made to cover all their possible employments. And when we are satisfied to every possible usage in any possible situation or reference for their propriety, we call them defined. And there is also a generally accepted codicil to not use the word itself in definition of it itself.

But even here we see the issue. Words are defined by, or in terms of, “other” words. If there is no fundamental understanding that words have meaning in the limits of their use, definition is impossible to relate. In that sense it should not be difficult to understand that any defining of consciousness becomes exquisitely tortuous. For even all the words we may use to define or seek to relate as to it, or any understanding of its being as to what it is, both come from, and are in service to, consciousness. And in that sense we are using consciousness…to define consciousness. It is as helpful to us then, as if we searched for the meaning of the word “think” we are left with no more than “it means what is happening when one is thinking”.

Yet, we are not stopped by this, are we? No, not in the least…are we? But we do find that as we deal with the most fundamental of matters (is consciousness a thing?) we simply hold to all a priori(s) as to a thing’s being…even if totally unable to define. In fact…we “use” a thing for which, and with which yet, having no suitable definition, we do all our business.

If we dare consider it as tool that we do “use” (are you using yours, now?) even in all of not knowing its proper utility, could we not be like a man who props up a 1 inch short leg of a table with a hammer while vainly trying to drive nails with a piece of wood one inch thick? A ridiculous example, yes.

And the weakness of such argument is understood. Any man at any time is able to say “Consciousness is a thing I have, and not a thing I use. Or, “I am a conscious being. It is not a tool for use at all but the fundamental matter from which all and anything that might even be described as tool, arises.” But isn’t that then, even as, or more ridiculous than the example given of the hammer? For to see in any way the use of consciousness to any end, even if, or as fundamental matter of forming all other “tools” is a declaration of its use. Even usage.

And if, in the above, a man would describe (even define(?)!) himself as “a conscious being” that is having consciousness, to what would he have comparison for such definition? How odd on the ear, if he so chose to say would be “Well, as compared to that rock there that is an unconscious being”. It is odd on the ear, because it is odd on the mind. Do I get too far afield? It is odd to so “not” attribute consciousness to a rock (do you doubt it has being?) but might sound righter(?) to so say “Well, at least as compared to that amoeba”?

What might be inferred (if anything) from the above, even if one is convinced this may be going too far afield? Might it not be that to whatever measure, it requires consciousness to recognize “not consciousness” or judge it as absent, or (even!) lesser possessed? A chimp makes tools. And therefore, and no less, consciousness is required to recognize even…consciousness, and yes, even in another. Therefore is it so odd to say consciousness stands in witness to consciousness? And again, and no less, in judgment of its absence? Or “lesser” having?

And if I say “Boy, does it ever!” would an exuberance be betrayed? Displayed?

Listen if you can, or will. I am happy to be caught here! And even if need be say, trapped here. As a witness of consciousness in some holding of consciousness. I cannot escape…and now would not, and dare not even think I could. Consciousness has placed me in a place inescapable. I no longer doubt its reality…and yes, even to some describing of it as a real thing if one can bear that defining. Is this become too mysterious? Too obtuse? I think not to any who have been led to wonder/question/ponder about either the nature of reality (is there a nature of reality?) as to what is essentially true of it…or even if anything is…real at all. One road is open, one ineffably shut. For even if all doubt is all embraced to all consumption to its plainest end of “Nothing is real” that statement is self abnegating in all. For it plainly implies that there yet remains a “real” to which all is even being consigned to “as not”. Are you trapped as I? Are you yet exuberant?

Finding “real” is, is no small joy to the soul. Even this real…trap. For now some advance beyond mere assumption and presumption is made possible. There is “real” to work from. And are men loaded with assumptions and presumptions of many things they are either forbidden in exploration of or find by fear they dare not…explore?

Are you glad yet to be trapped in consciousness as yet even by consciousness?

As only the greater can capture a lesser? Can you even believe you are not the judge of it? Even if till now you have thought yourself so? To what (and whom) shall we witness?

Betray (Be-tray)

The first and most common use and understanding we rarely need defined to us. To deal deceitfully to an end of leading astray or placing another in, or exposing another to, all vulnerability by some knowledge of the one gained through a false trust engendered by the betrayer.

But there is more. Something of evidence that reveals either a, or the truth of a matter. And usually unintentionally by one in situation who is seeking to keep something hidden in propagation of a particular agenda preferred hidden. Such as “The Rolex on his wrist betrayed his claim of being destitute.”

Evidence(s). And man called as witness. Even as witness to consciousness. Who calls him cannot be, and is not ever of his own choosing. A summons issued he is subject to. Whether it be by the prosecution or the defense.

But you may not like my imposition of legal framework upon such a matter. That is fine. You’d be very correct ( is that redundant?) to say the matter of consciousness is in some way greater, or more fundamental than can be contained in some (as understood and accepted by man) legal framework…for is not that very framework a result of consciousness and therefore owing to consciousness as the greater thing? Isn’t the “thing” making always greater than the thing…made?

Ahhh, you sniff. Believer and unbeliever alike, you sniff. When will this deck be shuffled enough to give the card(s)? Where is this consciousness matter going, first in reference to legal (or in other term legitimate) matter(s), or in other term…greater matter? But it is…all that matters. At least as such as you and I might know. For knowing exists by consciousness, which is fundamental to it…so that even knowing (as thing proceeding from consciousness) is therefore owing to consciousness…even as thing made is in owing to thing making.

Therefore dare we speak of knowing apart from the even more fundamental matter of consciousness? I would say…God forbid. If there be any doubt as to my dealing.

The premise here is outrageously simple to the extreme of being absurd.

What do you or I know, or believe to such extent we are persuaded to say we know, except by consciousness? To say anything, (write anything, ideate anything) or even hold to only any inward knowing (if remaining silent), is all consequent to consciousness.

Here, in the second sense of the definition above, consciousness is betrayed as being had. But nevertheless, be free to say you don’t have it. Or I do not. Or to whatever extent one may care to say “I’m not convinced it is truly a real thing”. Be free. But where, if unconvinced, would such convincing have to take place that one be convinced? Do you love simplicity yet…to the absurd? And of course, be careful of saying “Man cannot know anything” as though this is a thing…known.

If you say the car exists, the building exists, the planets and stars (even all the way down to the atoms you may say of which such things are composed) and/or even to the more gingerly handled matters of time, space, and light being held as in existence…why not just go in whole hog (and to the most absurd extreme) that you also exist? But if you have doubt…or are even persuaded you do not, be free to join the absurd with proof you don’t.

And, is it, or would it not be with some extreme handling of consciousness such proof might be made and therefore specifically…with consciousness? (What does it mean when in the scriptures it speaks of “those who oppose themselves”?) But…really…can you talk yourself out of existence? Or reason your way out?

Again, be careful now. Or not, it really is no matter. Your care, my care…really do not amount to anything.

But also, and no less than consciousness, is truth? Even a “thing”? Does truth have being…in existence?

Here is where the first definition can hold sway, or be found applicable. Will one lie (betray) and say “There really is no such thing as truth” and be found making that statement…as though true?

Friend, you and I are kinda stuck. For we can do nothing against the truth, but only for it. Regardless of where we believe we take our stand…or even take “the” stand as called as we may believe by the prosecution or the defense. For the reigning judge is he who sits over all to ensure all perfect order is maintained in his court(s).

God willing there may be more to be said.

“Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”

I confess. I confess I often find myself playing for likes. Wow. Whoopee! What a big deal! A man confessing. And even confessing such a deep matter. (Ha ha ha) “He wants to be liked!”

And O! look! He even quotes the scripture to show he’s doing, or about to do, the right thing. But that man’s confession is not really that he wants to be liked. But more truly he is often finding himself motivated, and acting according to that desire. But what he may even confess to as “often in his finding” is already plain to God…always. What he may see, not see, know, not know…everything is already laid bare and uncovered before Him with whom have “to do”.

What with (and with whom) do we “have to do?”

Oh. Is it Christ? Is this man trying to “do” Christ? Is this what he has to do? Try to be as Christ? Try to be like Christ? That man would do much better under a system that only requires the blood of bulls and goats and firstlings and calves and sheep than to enter into “trying” to be like Christ! Do we doubt or wonder about the strong appeal of religiosity and the provoking to religion? Do we? Have you tried…to be “like Christ”?

What have you found? Seriously, tell me. Or just…tell.

Listen of you can. Hear if you can. Trying to be anything is already the frank admission that one is not that anything. What do you allow admitted to yourself? O! but this is too much folly! What is one to do then “Try to not be like Christ?” But that is not being said. And that’s just as much folly.

O! But God has a way! Man, does God have a way!

Again if you can, listen. With (all) reason we are instructed “Sanctify the Lord in your hearts”. He is, and is to be “set apart”. But this is almost just as strange. How can this be done “of heart”? The heart that no man can know? The heart that is desperately wicked and deceitful above all things? Oh. God gives a new heart you say? Takes out the heart of stone and replaces it with a heart of flesh…a soft…version? And one has this…how? By my faith? My confession? My repentance? My “works”? My doing…of anything? Even, God help me, my “doing what the Bible says”?

I thought God said He would do it.

Are you convinced? Am I?

And what does it feel like, this new heart? No more haughty judgments found? No more “looking down the nose”? No more lofty nor seemingly laudable comments about itself and what it has attained, or attained to? No more striving to be nor appear as anything before men? Is that what it “feels like?” Why even then any need or instruction to set anything (or anyone) apart there…if it is already made…so good?

Have you ever tenderized a tough cut of meat with a mallet? Beat the fire out of it to make it edible, even palatable? Sought to overcome the natural workings of fibrous and fleshly cohesions there of sinew and collagens that would otherwise resist their “breaking down” if left to itself…and be tough and hard as nails? But if worked upon diligently with the mallet and the application of heat…becomes savory?

Is not my word like as a fire? saith the LORD; and like a hammer that breaketh the rock in pieces?

“Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.”

What does that feel like?

“Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus,…”

What does the dying of the Lord Jesus…feel like?

I would suppose an apostle knew at least enough about it to speak of it.

Look. Listen. (I really only write to myself, preach to myself, at best recognize a self desperately needing to be worked on) There is no need to “try” to make this inward working of the cross of Christ (the only thing that works upon “the self” and all its sinewy attachments) plain. You know, there’s no longer any convincing that the claim of any man to having “Christ in my (or his) heart” matters a whit. That too is too easily lent to a heart only speaking for “itself”. God knows what the confession of Christ “looks like”.

The matter being that if He is there He alone knows how to make plain where He abides. And He alone is able to recognize Himself of “likeness” in any vessels of clay. For He will not deny Himself.

There’ll be an aroma. A taste. And the steak or even heart, may learn to know it was not upon itself it worked such pulverizing and heat. But that a someone else, even set apart as sanctified has been diligently at His work there even as the work of His Father was within Him.

Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered;

What does…obedience look like? What does it…feel like?

God knows.

It is far more than enough to be given even a glimpse of Him. And the heart will know it is not beholding itself. Yes, a heart may be trained to look elsewhere. And that may be what a new heart is. Looks like. Feels like.

But (or and) this remains God’s work alone.

Henceforth know we no man after the flesh, yea though once we knew Christ after the flesh, know we Him thus no longer. (or something like that)

And yikes! What’s a man to do that knows his wanting likes…and to be liked so often motivates him, when he reads:

“And you shall be hated of all men for my name’s sake”

Does he “have to try” and do that too?

“Try” to be hated?

ha ha ha!

“Quick, pass me a bullock and a strong sharp knife!”(?)

Who is equal to such a task?

There is a pressing to this matter that is better not left unattended. It is in relationship, even if anyone reads this, or not, or has cared to go “this far”. It is of a debt owed from writer to reader for the or “a” reader’s reading. I cannot over stress how much comes to me, and has come, in this exercise. And no doubt I am subject to rebuke for every bit of it, for God is not deterred by any attempted defense by declaring “good intentions” (as if any man could claim them of himself before God…ha ha ha!)

But I do mean this, without the persuasion that some and/or many also hold an interest in Christ, that surely I am not alone (even if shown all wrong about every other thing) this prompting to reach out…and in reaching out be exercised to consider certain wonderful matters that cause me to be in debt…Hallelujah! It is but a debt gladly acknowledged.

For without believing “you” are there what impetus have I to write…and even in writing…make discovery? And if at all, my attitude has shown itself not unlike Elijah’s in some claim of thinking himself the last one left, may you also find the grace and kindness to believe I am as real as you…and may that kindness lead you to rebuke of me.

Elijah had to bear being told (in so many words) “Hey bud, I have kept 7,000, so before you go thinking you’re anything even to the extreme as in being the only…get yer mind right.”

“I have reserved to myself”…(this is my work…not yours.) “And you are kept (if you are kept) only because of me, and not according to how you esteem yourself or might even like to.” But we are all, are we not (at least a bit), shouters of Eureka at revelation(s) as though things we have never seen before…have never been seen before. And this is not wrong…to be so captivated, elevated, captured in wonder and even disbelief for joy that our astounding and gratitude overflow to God’s glory.

And God forbid I even mention a tempering as though such should be “balanced”. But man! how we must learn only God knows how treat each as if (to that person) he was having all attention and love dumped upon him as an “only” child…that this is all and only….even in all its exquisiteness, due to the grace of the first born from the dead…our always elder brother! Jesus, the Christ. Only God’s mercy keeps us from seeking to be usurpers. It is so much more glory to learn to “be” with Him, than be left in seeking to replace Him. And we dare not be deceived, it is only the love of God through Christ to us, that keeps us from this. (More about this later)

It is a curious place, no? How to occupy and answer. Is God enough that even if none other be found companion…one knows it is right to continue in Him. But how to keep this from turning to boast of “self” and pride appears a matter only the Spirit of God can rightly minister to a man. And so I am indeed debtor, believing you are “there”, for it is a comfort, encouragement, and necessary reproval of any notion that writer and reader are not on precisely the same ground of faith ministered by Christ. I can reach no farther (if there be any ministry) than I am made able to eagerly covet what the Lord has also ministered to you.

The “need” of brothers and sisters was once a nice and quaint, but mostly, and practically, a theoretical matter. Perhaps even easily said. But God has a way to make things true to a man. To even make others…as real to a man as the man is to himself. Yes, it is a work of God. Till then we may not know our need of as many touches as necessary (but God does) if still seeing others as “trees walking”. Yet we are to learn how “real” we are to one another as even before God we are accounted. We are members one of another in a debt of love. And all are appointed to fullness, yet not alone…but “Till we all come to the unity…”.

Maybe that’s what Paul meant when he said he was debtor. His hope to reach (and no less grow) was an impetus to him to seek deeper, understand more clearly, and proclaim more boldly of those things found prompted by that impetus. And I am more persuaded now than ever that the instruction to “preach the gospel” is not given because the man understands it so well, or “already”…but so that in the going the gift of understanding may be made his by the grace of God. It was once convenience to imagine “others” were more in need than I am, of the Christ of God. And so we are told “go” with God having many wonderful surprises in store for us.

The instruction (even delightful command!) to “love one another as I have loved you” is not really too difficult to parse. It requires, does it not, for the man to first see “as I have loved you” for the right sharing of that love. What man…even if seeking to love…could ever be disappointed by being directed to investigate just how much the Lord has loved him? I think of all my obvious and plain falling short in that matter love, and yet finding forgiveness for it…yes…even for such an ugly thing as spite…what choice do I have when seeing? Thanks be to God! Again, thanks be to God! For allowing such a wretch…to see such love and mercy still abounding! Dare we deny the reality of mercy?

God forbid I either seek to take advantage of you by any cleverness or even taking for granted…that you are there (here)…and real. God forbid I think less! God forbid I assign you or any as “faceless masses” (or even one faceless person!) a “reader”.

And if at times I write with any sense of rebuke…let it only be testimony of how much I have myself needed and been ministered such. And, no doubt, continue to. I can love no more than that which I have seen of the love of Christ ministered to me, surely; and if in all I am only example of God’s uttermost patience toward a wretch, I hope any who need such encouragement and comfort, can see it. A curious place of presentation, no? I can only present myself as wrongest of all, yet having a hope that the merest sliver of sight (believing I too have glimpsed) of the Rightest of all, is all and enough to reach even to such as me for salvation. Paul himself came to a strange place (but really…is it?) of saying…even in all his writing, in all his revelation(s), even through all his instruction(s) and experiences: “and I too believe I have the Spirit of God”.

We are to be bold, but we also learn boldness can also lend itself to God’s purposes of correcting us. Even rebuking us from His kindness. For if we are rather non committal or casual we may not be fit to plainly hear “you missed with that”, for unless we know we have “taken a shot” we cannot know. And God knows how little I know of difference between boldness and presumption, I must be taught. But then as need be, the rebuke is clear. And then, if we have been made able to bear the rebuke, we might hear “aim a bit higher”. I am persuaded no saint has ever regretted finding he has measured a bit low in his sights and aiming.

“Christ is higher still? How wonderful to learn!”

“I am even made glad I was so wrong!”

So again, if all I am useful to, or as, is an example to any that they “aim higher” than this man writing (and who shouldn’t?) GLORY TO GOD! Look higher! Look higher! And if I am only of use for another to learn how to “rightly rebuke” me…then in that too, a good purpose has been served for my being. I can be no other. By the grace of God, I am what I am.

And, you are, too.

Hear if you can. And if you do, wonderful! For the promise remains “To him who has, more shall be given…” But do not ever be deterred there, God forbid. Christ knows His own! For even if this sounds too terrible to consider in its utterance as that verse continues “…but to him who has not, even that which he thinks he has shall be taken from him”, it surely isn’t.

How can this be? Doesn’t it sound…terrible? Yet Christ never deters nor needs to, precisely because “He knows His own”. He knows each by name and calls us by it. Knowing Himself, He also knows how His word, that is even He, himself is working and works in each. This seems another paradox, doesn’t it? What comfort can be found in “but to him who has not, even that which he thinks he has shall be taken from him.”? Yes, it does sound terrible, I do not disagree.

But that is precisely the point. If it sounds terrible, it is working! For it couldn’t sound terrible unless there is some measure of faith to believe it and know…even if in some deep recess not yet plain…”Yes, Christ has the power to do that!” and therefore it is terrible…even terror inspiring! Do you see? Do you hear? Do you understand?

But do not be vexed if you do not. Better to write it off (for me, surely, and no less) as my inability to expound than to ever think “But Christ would not do that”. If nothing else, let this be assured to you, there is not one word coming from the Lord, no, not one, that is not for the believer’s edification and building up….even if, or when, they may appear the most grievous caution of His ability to tear down. The hardest, and even most harsh sounding of words remain life to us who believe. This is the Lord establishing Himself in us as just that...Lord. All things are in His power… “All authority in heaven and earth…” must be established in and to us…even, and well beyond our preferences in either “how” to hear, or what to hear. And we will each hear according to the measure of His grace ministered to us for that.

O! But it is so much health to us to come to that place of simple confession “I do not understand” or, even “I don’t think I am hearing well”! See how much love is to be there in response, for the love of God, see. Consider this, and consider what difference is found.

The disciples came to Jesus and asked Him to explain the parable. Their admission of not understanding did absolutely nothing to deter Him from saying…”To you it is given to know the mysteries of the Kingdom…” even while maintaining this was precisely why He spoke in parables to those “others”…

“Though seeing they might not see, though hearing they might not understand…”

What then is the difference? Didn’t the disciples just admit their lack of understanding by asking Him for explanation of the parable?

Yet, that is all the difference! They came to Jesus and asked, not going away and perhaps even assuming they understood. Or whatever thing of some understanding that was in operation in the disciples that prompted their coming to Jesus for understanding is/was not in those that either do not, or refuse to, come and ask. Yes, that is all the difference! The disciples knew (and even now know) they need and needed to come to Jesus to understand anything of which He speaks. He is the key to all…even His own words.

This is no small matter. I have spoken before of my not knowing the difference between a right boldness and presumption, and how (of all) I am most in need of instruction. The only cause for this knowing has been the Lord’s grace toward me in all my presumption, all those places of my assuming I understood and then speaking (or doing) presumptuously gotten some taste of being in that place of “to him who has not…”. Oh, yes, it is both terrible…and not “theoretical”. And yes, there’s a paralysis that overcomes there as you are made powerless to resist the Lord’s stripping of you. Even of all you once presumptuously thought “was yours” or yours to do with as you wish.

And a right question might now be, even as from you to me, “How do you now know, even in this writing exercise, that you are not being presumptuous?”

I don’t. I don’t know.

Oh, I might like to think (presumption?), or even seek to propose that in some way “I have learned my lesson well enough”. Ha! That is simply an ample doorway to more presumption! Or that in some way I am now immune to it because of some taste (like a vaccine) ministered of its consequence. That would be lie, also.

My only confession is of a faithful Father who ministers all right rebuke, chastening…even terror as need be, through the work of the Son of His love, Jesus Christ. And there is nothing of myself…to even assure myself, or offer to another except that there is someone very carefully watching over the name of Jesus the Christ who alone knows His perfect ministry of comforts and rebuke. And He is not slack concerning any promises made.

“How then”, one might ask “can any stand?” Even in this “not knowing”? I am and can only be reminded of the Lord’s own words, even applicable here “With man it is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” A man can assure himself…of nothing. He may be found complicit in deceiving himself, but he cannot assure himself. And you might even then rightly ask “But how then can a man even be assured he has true God as Father?”

And I have hope you either know, as having been taught the answer, or know the only place one can go with that question.

No one can short circuit that answer. Just as no man can prevent that question. And perhaps, even of all questions (am I being presumptuous? God knows!) that could even be, if there is such, the very best of questions. Where can I go…to know…anything? Where (or whom) is the only unshakable in knowledge and understanding. And, does He share? Yes, a man has to be convinced, a man has to be persuaded. Even as through many trials of tears as need be.

God knows all those in whom He has planted…need to know. And we come to discover even…that all questions we once assumed originated in us, even saw as “from us” as sole origin, are not as they once appeared. Someone has even given us the “right” question(s) to ask…and all is of God through Christ. Disciples are formed to “ask, seek, knock” precisely because those words of instruction spoken by the Christ had made (even before time), and in His forming of them, a home in them. They will “catch” all and every that God knows as His own. Let us not forget:

“The foundation of God stands sure having this seal, the Lord knows those who are His”

Nor let us forget this appointing, though coming to us “in time” has come from that which is not of time. Time holds changes, and is even appointed so to the purpose of God who is unchanging in nature. And there is much in that to consider, how that even time, once a fierce constraint to us in our perceptions of it as running out, is now made gift to us for the working of God’s appointed work both in us, and through us. We can now, as God’s grace allows and supplies use time…even as tool to an end of His appointment…where once we were knowing ourselves as only subject to it.

Can we hear this apostle’s words? Do we hear them as if streaming now…even in very present, though spoken/written what seems long ago?

Therefore let no man glory in men. For all things are yours; Whether Paul, or Apollos, or Cephas, or the world, or life, or death, or things present, or things to come; all are yours; And ye are Christ’s; and Christ is God’s.

“Things present, or things to come, all are yours…”

Yes, time does not inhibit nor constrain God a whit, nor can it; nor even those who are His, for like Him and by Christ’s work, they are moved out of it, even above it that even things past, present or even to come, are theirs. And I trust to not use “past” presumptuously though the apostle did not particularly cite it. But we have testimony of those who, even at first only knowing Christ in time, came to see Him as a lamb slain from the foundation of the world. They surveyed much through the gift of sight given them by Christ. They saw…as from above. Even above time.

And no less, also came to know every believer as those ordained to salvation as thus:

Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began, But is now made manifest by the appearing of our Saviour Jesus Christ, who hath abolished death, and hath brought life and immortality to light through the gospel:

“…which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began.”

As we begin to look outside, or even “past” time (as no longer locked in it nor locked up to it) to see Him whose glory is eternal (which gift is ours by the spirit, that is sight of eternal matters) we begin to see things in a very different light. A light that is not darkness. Also to which we were once locked up.

For ye were sometimes (at one time) darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light:

This light begins to work in us, and for us, to see. To see past, or through, or beyond time by which God has made all of the old creation subject. Even subject to a “passing away” in time. Even that we might know to Christ’s glory that God’s eternal purpose through Christ was never, is never a “Plan B” for any failing for which God has to now add a patch. All failing that is of ourselves only, even of sin (missing the mark in our trying to be as God) is so greatly exceeded by the revelation of Jesus Christ, that it should not be strange to our understanding that:

Where sin abounds grace does much more abound

So that we are no longer measuring Christ as against sin for any comparison(s). Don’t misunderstand, there is an abysmal-ness to sin and its consequence(s). But Christ’s glory so far exceeds, even to an eclipsing of it, even in His complete and utter triumph over it…and that even though it is “right” that a man in Christ not sin, there is something far greater always beckoning. The vision of the (our) Lord’s eternal glory. And that even this very beckoning to see Christ as He is is alone remedy for all that we otherwise tend to believe, ails us. There is no vanity in these verses:

Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure.

“…for we shall see him as he is. And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure.”

This is not word play, nor is it any claim of seeing farther nor knowing greater. For none of us came to all fullness apart from any other, and of all, I may be the straggler purposed for God’s grace and patience to be manifest…even if I seem to “hold” the rest back…as though waiting on me for seeing. But we cannot deny the truth of the matter, it is only in God’s gift to us in longing to “see Christ as He is” that this purification by that hope in us implanted, purifies us. Makes us consistent, integrates us…even to His integrity.

No wonder we are instructed to singleness of eye that we be made of singleness of heart. Even fully pure heart. It is almost like a heavenly feedback loop now, this hope in heart informs the eye for looking, and the eye in finding encourages the heart in this; that “hope that maketh not ashamed.” Whatever snares of sin and its consequences…yes…that we might even yet in some way find to a lashing of soul or conscience are only remedied by our seeking after Christ…to know and see Him as He is.

I cannot and will not deny that my own admissions do nothing against the truth of this. In all I am unable to resist, even as if it be God’s purpose for me, that I be shown straggler…or very weakest and infirm of all. God knows of those matters past in which I have watched my soul cringe as before Him. Seeing that even after some enlightening, my own presumptuousness was made plain. I cannot lie about this. I have been so wrong, and of such wrongness that I could fault no man for finding or judging me reprobate. But…even in this (though I dare not say “because” of this) the Lord has shown such grace continuing in His patience toward me, that is all of which I can testify.

I also dare not seek to “hang” upon anyone the necessity of recalling past failings or demand any experience must be “as my own”…yet…if you know it, you also know it. Yes, I have failed in many trials (dare I say all I even know of?) to the end that such persuasion might come to look only to the Christ of God for any vision of what, and how “not failing” appears.

But if, while we seek to be justified by Christ, we ourselves also are found sinners, is therefore Christ the minister of sin? God forbid.

I cannot be ashamed of God’s patient work there to bring even such a wretch to some sobriety. When looking to, or at myself all misery appears, and thanks be to God for that hope implanted that there is, and has always been, another given to “look to”. And that has been only relief, comfort, and encouragement. In these matters may we therefore encourage one another.

All is about Christ. And Jesus the Christ is all about God. Of this we dare not be shaken. But when, or if it even seem so, that is, we experience even some shaking in our conviction there remains:

It is a faithful saying: For if we be dead with him, we shall also live with him:If we suffer, we shall also reign with him: if we deny him, he also will deny us: If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself.

The terribleness of “if we deny him, he will also deny us” can only be remedied by His not denying who He is Himself. He does not indulge either our unbelief nor even any of our drawing back, but all too well He understands it! He did not “laugh” His way through Gethsemane, nor what followed. Nor did He abandon His own when finding them sleeping while He alone (as He is alone, Savior) labored in loud cries and tears. In truth he told them to “take your rest” in full faith that despite the weakness of all flesh (have you seen it?) it is only the Spirit that prevails.

Yes, we can find comfort in “the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak” when we are no longer, or disabused totally of, any persuasion of its ability to accomplish. And God reveals His son in us, and we know Him alone as “life giving spirit”. Yes, we must be persuaded. Someone working in and to this persuasion does not grow weary:

This is the work of God, that you believe upon Him whom He has sent.

How much else remains of what must be abandoned in any of us, God knows.

How much else is to be accounted as dung…even matters of once advantage to us, God knows.

The cross (of Christ) is extremely thorough in all its work. This is not said without some fear…even as need be, terror. But even so we have a confidence that its right glorying in, is completely…right. And we can know the joy of the Lord there, even there, as our strength, as is also right, and even to man source of all strength for we are of those who believe it is only right to consider our Lord Jesus

Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.

Any confessions of my fainting have all been consequent to not seeing the joy, and particularly the joy of the Lord as both my strength and that by which He endured…even the cross. But it has only been the love of God in Christ to not leave a man there in darkened thinking. Fearing the shame of man, fearing that scorn easily heaped to what is in all of itself, defenseless against it. Even fearing where “it” might end up as castaway, abandoned, and only fit for mocking while preaching a salvation of peace yet finding itself so often in a soul sickness as even unto death.

Yes, none “want” to appear (or seem) as hypocrite. No, none want to appear (or seem) as hypocrite. Yet Jesus bore the scorn and mocking…”He saved others; himself he cannot save.” No, nor wouldn’t He…save Himself.

Even though, and thanks be to God! He did not deny the truth here:

Thinkest thou that I cannot now pray to my Father, and he shall presently give me more than twelve legions of angels?

He had “an out” He could have taken with no reproval, no lessening of Himself, no disapproval from His God and Father…for He confessed His Father would do this if asked.

This is what we are appointed to know. Even that love. Beyond requirement “of us”, beyond our doing or not doing, beyond (and even before) time if one can receive it.

His work is sure and even sealed by that baptism of blood…even that blood which has, and is, cleansing us. What may be “barbarous” to others, (sometimes even to ourselves unless resolved) even that God who is the God who accomplished all His good pleasure there:

Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise Him; He has put Him to grief.

No man can understand this but as parable to him. Even just “nice” but peculiar words on a page, till he ask the Christ of God…”what does this mean?” Even as disciples must.

And this is love that He answers.

And no, it doesn’t work apart from love.

And yes, this is the love of God for us, from before time that He would send in fashion as a man to us His Christ from everlasting, the Son of His love, that we might see. And in seeing, understand. Yes this is love.

Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

This remains a place of too great a wonder to me, a thing I can neither “wrap my head” around, nor find my soul able to contain. It moves me to distraction whenever considered, shakes all that can be shaken of any of my own understanding or logic. Causes me to be “beside myself”…or even in disbelief for joy as the disciples were when seeing Jesus risen and amongst them.

I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me.

“and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me.”

“as thou hast loved me.”

How can this be? Yet to doubt, even in all its inexplicable glory that is not attainable by man, nor containable by soul, it is as true as all things of which our Lord testifies.

But it seems, and may God forgive in His understanding, “too good”…to be true.

Loving Jesus, I can understand. Even “some” love of those to whom He is sent, I seem able to understand. But to love even as He loves the son of His love…

Listen if you can. Jesus the Christ no more “began to be loved” when He was sent, than you were when you (and I) first saw the love of God for you/us by having His son revealed in you/us. Oh, yes, that’s when we may have first tasted a deep draft so new to us, even in the confession of that conviction that Jesus Christ is Lord. God no less, and no more “began” to love you or I on an occasion we may mistake as “our doing”. As in “I believed (and or confessed), and from there God “began” to love me”.

As much as we need to, may we hear…again, and again, and again…

“and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me.”

Dare I? But…dare I not? For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

But if ye refuse and rebel, ye shall be devoured with the sword: for the mouth of the LORD hath spoken it.

Oh! the terror on the one hand:

But if ye refuse and rebel, ye shall be devoured with the sword

With a “sure” surety on the other:

for the mouth of the LORD hath spoken it.

May we come to some enlightenment in this love of God ministered us through His Christ.

Even such as is delight in the fear of the Lord.

God knows, we might see men persuaded, as we ourselves also are. Being persuaded.

And yes, it doesn’t work apart from love.

And no (if need be) it doesn’t work apart from love.

In hoping to some conclusion it is sensed that standing the title(s) on their heads might better serve an end. For it is really not what “does not work”…but of whom and what does. That particular faith delivered by One to the saints…that “works by love”. Even the faith “of the Son of God”. This linking is not our own and is, as all things, even in that linking, the gift of God through Jesus Christ. Faith that works by love. Yes, there is a plain linking.

What is “of love?” What is “of faith?” We might see the folly of this being presented as two questions. Yet do we not often find ourselves as though in some tension between the what that seems two? Please make no mistake to our common engagement in seeking understanding. The writer only seems to occupy one place while the reader another, but we are all, in common, being written upon…even written out by God as epistles to be read and known of men. And make no mistake also, that writing holds its own warnings, resolved only in and by God, lest any writer think himself above any reader.

Therefore, and for this time, this writer would be a liar to deny his own tensions often found in what appears the two questions of “what is of love?”, and “what is of faith?” even if they may be folly to divide. Another writer wrote:

“Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.”

I surely don’t know if one can over torture the word used there for “seemeth”…(δοκεῖ in the Greek, also often translated as relative for “think” as in thinking of a matter) for when we are being ministered chastening (also a word used for discipline) there seems a grievousness to it that, in that moment, appears nothing of joy; and even may present love as questionable.

When experiencing rebuke I must confess the first thought is not “I am being loved!”, but rather an experience of some paining. And therefore my self finds itself in need of further referencing. But to this end Jesus Christ does not grow weary. He is in all a help (the only true help) that is able to deliver from the questionable (unsure in themselves) to the establishing of the saints. Therefore we may learn of His great kindness to not only speak, but remind by the Spirit:

As many as I love I rebuke and chasten, be zealous therefore and repent.

And O!, but this can become even more curious until we be settled in the love of God that is toward us in all things! Is it comfort? Surely! Yet doesn’t it speak of a seeming different matter…also? And I use “seeming” (I hope) soberly.

In our being moved to (see) and “know Him as He is” we are persuaded to a path…even that path of knowing Him. This is not our own work, but even the peculiarly wrought working of seed implanted by Him…to “ask, seek, knock”. In this, our being “mapped out” to know and understand…even the love of God through Jesus the Christ, we are being told the experience of knowing this love is found in rebuke and chastening. And for then, with very good reason we are also told:

And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.

In one sense (if one can receive it) we are those appointed to bear much rebuke and chastening…(which often does not “feel like love”) in order that we know we are being truly…loved. And even more oddly if we admit to a pressing to continue, we are also (in another sense) those asking for “even more” of this! No wonder we are told to not lose heart, to not grow weary…and admit even, that if we were not “instructed so”…what would we do of ourselves…but draw back?

Thanks be to God for those who, also enduring such were not too timid to remind, nor averse to speaking of matters no man could choose of himself and for himself, for they were given to see the consequences of the Lord’s discipline and chastening(s) upon them. And through Christ alone (and alone through Christ’s spirit and to Christ’s glory) made able to encourage us. They knew something of the Lord’s cup. And the power of His resurrection.

What a place of secret and such secure hiding! That God in wisdom would (in and through Christ) hide such comfort and encouragement in a place no man would believe, or could even look…except by gift. Even the gift of command. And there begin to be taught of what the world cannot receive…how that Jesus Christ, in and by the Spirit of God could bear such contradiction of sinners against Himself and prevail. How much more comfort to those who believe! For we are not “bearing for sin’s sake” (Christ alone has made full expiation) but instead bearing for the sake of God’s manifest display in vindication of Christ’s righteousness. This love of God for the son of His love is made ours to taste and know, even to our very sustaining, through the ministry of Jesus Christ…who ever liveth to make intercession for us!

The constraints of this love, even and especially past the place of our knowing our own failure(s) and failing…is abundantly ours.

Listen again, as need be, to what this apostle (Paul) spoke in his finding:

But if, while we seek to be justified by Christ, we ourselves also are found sinners, is therefore Christ the minister of sin? God forbid.

Does it not address the uncovering of a curious following? How that through pursuit of Christ to know as our justification we may find ourselves even more in lack, more in need, more “missing the mark” than we formerly even considered of ourselves; and that unless we be disabused of the notion we might consider Jesus Christ the minister of sin! The apostle says plainly…God forbid!

No. We are discovering our being lost was greater than we could have imagined, our being dead to righteousness deeper than we could have once borne in our knowing (what man does not embrace to “the end” that he still had/has some bit of his own righteousness to offer?) and that the trials of our faith (who would claim having never stumbled?) and in which we dare not deny our own occasions of stumbling, are appointed to bring a seeing (and appreciation) of the One in whom no stumbling is found. And who is not a minister of sin.

Listen, we know this sounds paradoxical. To some even, untenable. And I am not persuaded it is an unreasonable question to ponder if one is led to it: “Why would a/the loving God who has given “His all” through Christ allow a man to discover all despairing of himself in knowing himself as sinner…even (and especially?) when he is seeking to be justified by Christ?” One might…even if pressed to it in extremis be so bold as to ask “My God, where then is the reward?” If all my seeking only the more shows the direness of my necessity, where is comfort? I certainly don’t “feel” more righteous…at all! On the contrary…

It would not be reasonable here to belabor how easily we are deceived by feelings. Suffice it to say we are following the Lord who was not deterred by all the feelings a man would experience, and the deeper ones yet He experienced in His death of the cross. We have already touched upon, even if briefly, what was accomplished there; not merely the death of a man (for all men die) but God’s work of judging the whole of an old creation so that the testimony in the resurrection would be sure and a sure sufficiency to us of His bringing in the new creation. Again, suffice to say our discoveries of how much (and how great a work) took place there cannot but leave us in awe.

We return to the Lord’s testimony of His Father and His Father’s work:

This is the work of God that you believe upon Him whom He has sent.

And what our Lord endured in His faithfulness to that testimony being made sure to us, is all of most profound consequence; in, and for, all things. He wavered not.

If we then, being partakers with Him (are we partakers with Him?) must understand we too will be in touch with many feelings. And of such experience of a profundity of them, and in them, that we come to understand the Spirit’s comfort and necessity to us, to keep us from being completely overwhelmed by them. Yes we will touch the deeper recesses of what it means to despair of self and be unashamed, even if (or is it when? If it must be) at some points we plainly are brought to see our own failings.

How many saints have rejoiced in this exercise, learning these words of comfort and encouragement: (and I here use Young’s Literal Translation in hopes to avoid ambiguity, along with the KJV)

Stedfast [is] the word: For if we died together — we also shall live together; if we do endure together — we shall also reign together; if we deny [him], he also shall deny us; if we are not stedfast, he remaineth stedfast; to deny himself he is not able. (YLT)

It is a faithful saying: For if we be dead with him, we shall also live with him: If we suffer, we shall also reign with him: if we deny him, he also will deny us: If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself. (KJV)

If any hold (“Who hasn’t?” I would ask) some confidence yet in their own steadfastness, this is said with some confidence; there are lessons ahead. The steadfastness that saves us is not our own, but His as gift to us. And even (hopefully) of seeing His.

The “seeing Him as He is” is both promise and impetus to us. And if in that there must be some seeing of ourselves so as to be disabused of any notion He is subject to usurpation, no one having been brought through this has any regrets. His throne is unassailable and unshakable. And so the comforts and conviction ministered from that throne are also, and no less. This must be established to us, and in us, lest we remain babes, or children, tossed about to and fro. And thankfully, the Lord does not grow weary.

There is a mystery here. And there is a conviction, a persuasion…even a sure lesson of many lessons that are given to us for navigation to its clarity. The Lord would have us no more ignorant of the deeper workings of man than He is, and was, when this testimony was given regarding Him:

Now when he was in Jerusalem at the passover, in the feast day, many believed in his name, when they saw the miracles which he did. But Jesus did not commit himself unto them, because he knew all men, And needed not that any should testify of man: for he knew what was in man. (KJV)

“…for he knew what was in man.”

Jesus knows of duplicity and fickleness as the only pure and undefiled knower/observer/seer can, even as through Him by whom all things that are made, are made. And though surely we are set free to confess all our weaknesses and infirmities (both to Him, and even one another) lets us not be as children thinking we are making something of news to Him. Though it may be news to us in discovery of how frail we really are, (and He does not grow weary of our confessions of discovery) what is news to us is only so because He is working to help us see. And this, not for shame’s sake, but for growth. Paul came to understand this in the deeper revelation of God’s sufficiency of grace toward him:

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

What a revelation!

“for my (God’s) strength is made perfect in weakness”!

Who could, or would seek to bear the knowing of all their own weakness(es), but for the grace of God made abundant there? Even so much so that they (we) might even come to “glory in them”? We, who formerly were given to only displaying “our strengths”? But we are no longer in a (or the) jungle as brute beasts, we have been given a Kingdom. By, and with a King our only sure defense. And we are coming to know Him as only valiant, only mighty over all for the vindication of His name…even in His people.

Admittedly some may not yet appreciate such warrior talk. But, He will not deny Himself. The Lord is a warrior. A conqueror. A vanquisher of all rebellion and even what may remain of rebellious or contrary thinking in us. His name is mighty in its work in us…and no less, thorough us. No man who has been conquered by the Lord either doubts such has happened, or is happening, and that without regrets. And there remains some persuasion this is what Paul (at least in part) addresses here:

Knowing the terror of the Lord, we persuade men.

Had Jesus fulfilled a promise in Paul?

“I will show you whom you should fear…”?

Was Paul shown that someone by the Christ of God of whom the ancients had written:

Sanctify the LORD of hosts himself; and let him be your fear, and let him be your dread. (Is 8:13)

Those are strong words…even to such as dread. Had Paul discovered something…even something of a “linking” in the God whom he loved (do any doubt?) and that this ministry of reconciliation to Him through Christ was not without the knowing of (at least) some…terror? Yes, in some ways…a mystery. But only resolved through, and in, Christ. We dare not have any inclination to yet believe these waters can be navigated but by another on our behalf. Even to the bringing of us to safe relief. To draw near to what (who) is otherwise terror alone to us. We begin to see our need of understanding Christ’s work of love, done in the fear of the Lord, and gifted us. Deep calls to deep.

Just as “warrior talk” should not be foreign to us, neither should be this matter of the fear of the Lord, nor even the terror of the Lord. May we understand, or come to…even all of us (this writer surely not exempted) the particular matter of singularity, or if better understood, consistency. Of being consistent, all integrated to one thing, and then becoming men of integrity. Jesus speaks of singleness of eye and encourages to it; both for our benefit and the knowing of glory. Even that it be rightly ascribed to God alone. After all, should we not be learning the benefit(s) of rightness (or the rightness of God we call righteousness) if we have some sensing of the resurrection and God’s placement of Jesus the Christ to His right hand?

Thou hast loved righteousness, and hated iniquity; therefore God, even thy God, hath anointed thee with the oil of gladness above thy fellows.

In this matter of fear and terror it must no less be settled, and no less understood if God’s grace allows. The simplest of examples, when found, are usually of best sufficiency.

Man is often found in many desires and from which many plans develop, even the matters we lay out for doing. Intents and desires often run deeper than we know in spurring motive. It is for our instruction to our own ignorance there (in the depths) that we are told of the word of God (are we settled yet as to whom this is?) here:

For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

Singleness of eye (and therefore heart) to a consistency of integrity must be accomplished for us. Therefore even all the underneath, the hidden places (to us) of our depths from which motive rises (our doings) would be lost to us if not discerned for us.

As said, and scripture testifies,

“There are many devices (plans) in a man’s heart; nevertheless the counsel of the LORD, that shall stand.”

Now to the silliest, and I hope, simplest of examples.

Think perhaps of the strongest (even obvious) of desires a man might know.

If it is not too crass…even a man on his wedding night. The marriage chamber is all laid out, the delight of his eyes and all longing of his heart is there before him and ready for his embrace. Suddenly comes from the next room the roaring of a lion. And he knows a lion’s roar. Suddenly all plans are “out the window”…suddenly all plans of desire’s fulfillment must make way (and are at the very least, surely suspended) till the necessity of safety is secured.

Do we see how terror and fear easily overrides, even to the narrowest (and narrowing) of focus, and particularly in excess of great desire(s)? Nothing can continue of plans, all is suspended, at least until the matter of that lion‘s showing up is resolved.

It is a silly example. But I do not doubt you have ample of your own. Of matters and plans going “out the window” when the unforeseen intervenes. The man severely cuts his hand (or worse) during his planned day of chopping wood, or making a tree house for his children. There are simply far too many examples to list, that should be plain. We have all had them, no doubt. But the matter of lesson in them remains the same, a “thing” can happen that easily overrides original plans born of desire and motive “to do”. Totally upsetting to us who had previously thought our doings were coming to some other conclusion. And how all focus then shifts! Yes, fear can override and is so manifestly plain in its power. Dare we think God does not know how he has made man?

No doubt this road is unpleasant at the first to consider. And, also no doubt, the resolution must go past any trite recitations. “Fear is of the Devil!” and therefore someone (perhaps even this writer) stands easily accused of promoting fear! How many times did Jesus say (and also many scriptures) “Fear not”? How many times?Yes, something must be resolved.

I am persuaded it is not untenable. And God knows I have some hope of greater conclusion (if God allow) in next entry.

Included in the last part (7) is this statement which bears further investigation and consideration:

Wouldn’t sober consideration of the cross be sufficient to persuade any man (if sober) that here he is dealing in and with realities that plainly speak of a firmness beyond mere pleasures as a man might assess?

Surely we are not prohibited here from any (or even all, if allowed) investigation; Paul himself being a chief expositor of those matters revealed as to what took place “there”. What is/was accomplished as the man Jesus was nailed to the tree. Surely he did not write of these things that we would not know of them, but rather that in receiving them as from a faithful witness of such revelation, we too, would be brought to it, and thence into it. O! but this matter of trust runs so very deep. For if we do not trust Paul as faithful, we cannot trust the God of whom he testifies as faithful. And so we would conclude for every word of the apostles.

Listen, God knows every man is created (He is Creator) with a need to see for himself. That is to “know for himself” in reality, through experience, that there are both matters of ultimate truth (truth does indeed exist) and that all of such truth is found in the person of Jesus Christ, who is Himself found only in, and of God.

Please understand what is not being said. It is not being said that there is truth and on top of that, as superior to that (or in some way different from that) there is the truth of Jesus Christ. No, this is not it.

There is truth. And only found in and of Jesus Christ as given to man through His revelation by the spirit of God.

With this in mind (if one is able to receive it) we can consider what was proposed for further consideration:

Wouldn’t sober consideration of the cross be sufficient to persuade any man (if sober) that here he is dealing in and with realities that plainly speak of a firmness beyond mere pleasures as a man might assess?

“Mere pleasures as a man might assess” in sober consideration of the cross. Again, if he is able to receive the work of the cross and the sufferings of Christ as reality. For here, on a most fundamental level (that Paul was not too timid to either enter nor address, being made so) we are confronted with matters of pleasures; their appearance to man, esteem by man, understanding of man. Even that most fundamental of issues for man that: “if it pleases me, it must be good”. Do not make the naive mistake of thinking “but I am so far past that” or worse, “I am a man who has always been immune to the allure of pleasure establishing itself as goodness to me.” Such will only show how little they know of the cross of Christ.

O! yes, even the most novice of us can recite with some knowing “sin hath pleasures for a season” seeing that once things that were pleasurable have shown themselves in consequence (by some light of Christ given) of a dying and death. Yes, we each have our version, made true to us: “All that glitters is not gold”.

But now we are speaking of the cross of Christ, the sufferings of Christ; a matter beyond the slight mayhem we may have touched in our own disobedience. We are touching that particular matter (all of obedience!) by which all creation (of the old) is undone, and made completely and utterly, new. Let us not mistake our experience of a torn fingernail (and its effects upon us, alone) for what God has done in all, and to all, things. There are matters of scale and magnitude we dare not deny. But we are made able to follow…even if only a seeming trail of crumbs (bread has indeed been broken for us) that must lead us to the most fundamental of matters where truth is confronted to be seen. And, we are to see Christ.

We cannot escape the reconciling of this, not because a man has said it, not because it makes for sound doctrine, not because it will be a “help” (though all of these matters are matters of fact) but because God Himself declares it of Himself through a prophet whose words were found worthy by Jesus in quoting (for He is their origin, these very words). Isaiah.

And it is here that no man can go without a guide, without a navigator, without a secure comforter given, without some means provided for reconciliation to a thing (or matter, or person!) that is all and otherwise completely, utterly, ineffably, incontrovertibly beyond his grasp, and so far beyond that it itself is an immeasurably glorious gift to even recognize the puzzlement of it…(that a man might be provoked to enquire)…

Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise him; he hath put him to grief

Do you see? Do you see how this must (and does) totally upset (overturn, rebuke, rebuff, contradict) all of our own, all of a man’s own, all of every man’s own understanding of pleasure as relative to truth? You see, this is truth. This is the truth of God. And there is no other, if any yet need be reminded. This is the truth of our God.

Our God is pleased to have crushed His own Son. And that of His love. His delight. And any man would be (O! but so rightly) puzzled, and righter still if provoked to ask “how can this be?”! For it is. And there is no “work around” for this, there is no escape of its confrontation, no escape of all it summons up in a man as to what he has considered pleasure and pleasing things…in the light of what God declares as pleases Himself to do, and have done. Here all must be overturned by truth, even, and especially that peculiar matter to which every man has been subject to bondage in mind and heart, and that is, to whatever measure it has been embraced (and every man has!) “if it pleases me, it is good”.

For here is “the Good” (God) declaring the truth of what pleases Him, and has, in His doing. Here is a frank confrontation with all previously assumed of what “good” is, what it (He) looks like, experiences, knows…and works according to. And as all already know in such matters …”something’s gotta give”.

Something will, and must, buckle under. While another shows sovereignty.

Happy is the man who buckles. For now, rather than working continually backward (even in disobedience) to an opposition unrelenting, even hostile, and at all enmity with all thinking of flesh to a perfect frustration thereof…(provoking even further hostility in the man) a man finds rest.

Yes, everything is turned upside down, so they might be rightside up. God is different than me! There is “another”. I am not alone (even though He seem so very very different!) And here we face a square matter, so squarely in truth that matters not once seen clearly, once seen as though through a veil in our pursuit that the discerning of them was so unclear, so obscure, so able to be used to trick and fool us into all condemnation in our confusion of pleasure’s relation to truth, and truth’s relationship to pleasure.

And here a verse of scripture begins to display a mother lode of glory as we are exercised in our eating of a loaf broken for us. And the revelation of how “broken” broken is…for us in service to God. A loaf broken to deliver us from the tyranny of being deceived by our own pleasures into such bondage to death; broken for us, given for us, and to us, as all of life itself (Himself!)…that is life indeed. (For there is no other!)

For if we will be persuaded to the goodness of truth being our joy and pleasure rather than past assumptions of our pleasures indicating goodness, we will see the hope extended to such, with a likewise salvation from a very matter not subject to contradiction (as it is of God ordained):

For the mystery of iniquity doth already work: only he who now letteth will let, until he be taken out of the way. And then shall that Wicked be revealed, whom the Lord shall consume with the spirit of his mouth, and shall destroy with the brightness of his coming: Even him, whose coming is after the working of Satan with all power and signs and lying wonders, And with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved. And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie: That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.

“because they received not the love of the truth…but had pleasure in unrighteousness”

Don’t be deceived by the power of pleasure to so leave a man in all resistant to truth. And God forbid we be deceived to think “God would not further enforce that to a man”.

But it takes God (and no less) to show through the cross and work of Jesus Christ how much a man is given to pleasing himself…thinking it good…but that leads to all condemnation. And how, according to pleasure he esteems all things relative to himself and is indeed locked up to it unless appointed to see otherwise. What pleases him, he accepts, what displeases him, he rejects. And the received things, working according to his pleasure, become to him, truth.

A man must be saved. And, salvation is of the Lord. As is all judgment, no less. No other.

Stay hungry. And find food everywhere.

A satisfied soul loathes the honeycomb, But to a hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.

There is a realness to these matters that a man may find difficult to substantiate to others though he be freely given to testify of them. And it is not peculiar to some that their testimony is the very thing assigned them for such substantiation to themselve’s no matter, or in spite of, how difficult it may be found (even perhaps impossible) to persuade another. We are walking where all things are made new, and all things are of God.

All here rests solely upon God; His work of revelation, His work in leading through Christ, His establishing a man in such truth that the man would know it is only God capable of such. It is not without reason Paul exclaimed “Who is equal to such a task?” For what is odious to some will be life to others. And unless the man be delivered from any agenda to control the working of such matters in the ear of hearers so that they be manipulated to be “more acceptable” (thus making the man more acceptable) such a man is still caught up in his own personal agendas.

Now God forbid there also be any inclination to make matters harsh. Wouldn’t sober consideration of the cross be sufficient to persuade any man (if sober) that here he is dealing in and with realities that plainly speak of a firmness beyond mere pleasures as a man might assess? Even that very firmness of which and with which Jesus spoke?

“What shall I say then…Father deliver me from this hour? But is for this very hour I have come”

That knowing that such a matter that would seem to persuade to all escape from is not only “a” matter at hand…but the very “the” matter upon which all is toward and concluded for; and so much in the consciousness of Christ it cannot be denied. This is the “it” of His coming. No, no man need be harsh for there can be nothing added to the depths of the Lord’s suffering and death to make sure (to the sober) that any lesson be driven home. It is enough a man enter such sobriety, he will have sufficient odor. And fragrance. God’s agenda (plan/purpose/resolution) in this matter must be fulfilled, and is, by the sufficiency of Christ to it. All and any of our own attempts for effect are more than nullified, they are here lifted naked upon a tree for plain knowing.

We can be…plain. And till this is known as the relief it is from all striving to either embellish or diminish (for any hearer’s sake) we will not know it as relief. We will still be laboring and striving according to the terrible metrics we have adopted to ourselves for measuring success/effectiveness and/or failure. Paul came to enjoy such a place where he said he no longer even judged himself, he had come to know a faithful Father into whose hands all discipline through Christ would be ministered…and that alone…rightly. He was wholly convinced he was being watched over quite diligently.

And though this may sound to some (or might be twisted so) as a call to being casual about such weighty matters, it is in truth…all that being casual about such matters is not. He knew and walked with a “ready judge”. Indeed Christ Jesus had proved himself to Paul in His showing as promised by bringing him (Paul) to the Father:

“But I will show you whom you should fear…” And Paul was made amenable to being shown things.

Therefore Paul was not reluctant to write:

“Knowing the terror of the Lord we persuade men”

And I am convinced here by my own necessity of many chastenings and rebukes… and the myriad forms they have taken, that Paul was not speaking in hyperbole. Many things may be found difficult to express, even when understood, that are beyond any assurance a man might grasp to himself that he has expressed them well. There is nothing in this new life that is not Christ reliant, or, if better put: Thanks be to God all relies solely upon the Christ of God for revelation and understanding! There are no surer hands into which all can, and must be, placed. And surely this matter Paul speaks of as knowing, i.e. “the terror of the Lord”, is no less.

Having spoken of it elsewhere I hope not to belabor it, but the matter of terror and love must be reconciled to the believer (as they seem strange in coexistence) unless we take Paul a liar. God forbid. Far better for any to take me as one, or so lacking in understanding as to be unworthy of considering than for any believer to believe Paul was merely speaking “out of his hat”. And if one would have (as some gift of God) some hope of persuasiveness, this makes this pairing not merely now odd, but also in a very real way, necessary. Knowing the terror of the Lord makes a man a persuasive man; and only a man with no care that the interests of Christ be served would then seek to shun such knowing of terror in service to persuasiveness. But really, of our own choosing we might be honest, none of us cares to be terrified. Nor would choose to know it if given our druthers. Warm hugs, lovely commendations, and bright smiles of reception, yes; but who wants a glimpse of God’s fiery wrath? Who could “handle” it?

There is a right answer.

Do we know Him?

It would at least seem reasonable to address the “It” in the title, though I am convinced most have some sense of their opinion. Is “It” the gospel? Is it the faith? (As we are told in one place of our “faith which worketh by love”) Is it more? Something other? Life? Jesus Himself? (it would seem less than savory to refer to Him as an it though, wouldn’t it?) Might it be the whole of creation as a man might perceive it? Even extending to what he doesn’t see of it but senses its being “out there”…somewhere.

Here might be the place where what is called theology (even if described as a sort of discipline of thought or mind by which we express our sensing of reality) and philosophy (also a discipline, so to speak) happily exist. Even co-exist. For we find no prohibition in scripture against thought, meditations upon, nor consideration of the things expressed. Indeed, we are told to think (and who avoids it, anyway?) upon certain matters. “Consider the sparrows…” “Consider the lillies…” And who, if thinking himself a believer, can avoid thinking in terms of significance…of some drive to apprehend/understand matters presented as to their full meaning?

But our thinking is to be informed. Informed of matters whose end is always God and His Christ in light of any matter presented. In other words, to what end are we told to consider the sparrows? To the end that, in all of their lack of labors to sustain those things that sustain them (they neither plant nor reap) they are being cared for and fed. And that even beyond such observable activity (or lack thereof) there is an unwinking observer and carer, who not only provides…but is entirely aware when even one falls to the ground.

Yes, philosophy informed of God is not excluded nor proscribed in the strict sense of its meaning “love of wisdom”. That wisdom we are told that “comes from above”. (We are even warned of those who refuse to receive the love of the truth). The short summation might well be:

Think of all things in terms of the love of God shown us in Christ so that by such thinking/meditations, yes…even philosophizing of such end as found in God…we might also apprehend to the knowledge of God; not merely that “He is” (that must be settled), but how, in His being and expression of that being…He is. And here it must also be settled that this God, our God, Person of all person cannot be known apart from His willing of it. He cannot be observed, much less understood, in any way “at will” but by His own will.

And here we discover that no matter our seeming labors in either thoughts or considerations, it is a gift (of a will) to be invited to them, to be provided with open access to them (not forbidden) and such are ours made so by Christ. Ask, seek, knock…be “on the hunt” with a promise that in so doing one will never find disappointment…only abundance of joy. We are learning someone is making themselves known to us without reservation, without reproval for our “need to know”, no shaming of our ignorance as we investigate the obedience of God’s Christ to be seen in a man, even a man made like as we in all respects, but without sin. Even a man who, having come to be amongst us in a body and live out that life before us, made plain His own total dependence to be “shown” things. As He was unashamed of declaring this utter dependence (with manifest consequence made by the resurrection of His approval) likewise, we too, are unashamed of our not yet knowing for we are unashamed of whom we seek to its fulfillment. The Christ of God. Jesus.

But, yet again, even as so much of plainness is spoken of in the above: of Christ’s coming to live and abide amongst us, let us not forget what Jesus declared that “no man knows the Son but the Father and those to whom He chooses to reveal Him”. There is a seeing that is not true seeing; despite its sounding either too elitist, arcane or esoteric. It is not to the end of directing to gurus nor the spiritually adept, but rather that any sight of understanding be deeply appreciated as the gift it is and not taken for granted.

Here “To him who has, more shall be given…” is found working in a gratitude that is neither feigned nor can be manufactured. One is sharing in the Father’s delight in the Son, and the Son’s delight in His, and even our, Father. We are called into that relationship. And nothing else, nor less; for certainly it becomes clearer to us as we see that anything of else…would be less. No, we can never make too much of this union. We might at times hold it as less in some esteem, but it can never be over esteemed. For it is in this eternal union that all has flowed that we might know, or come to know both in creation of things seen and all those things we are instructed to look into that are beyond creation, even this very relationship. From atoms to nebulae (such as we apprehend them) all has flowed through and from this (our) God’s good pleasure in Himself. Even to be made known to us by His very spirit. No, “it” cannot be made less of. But all is open to the believer, even the “it” of it, to the believer for knowing, seeking, asking of grateful entreaty to see rightly. Clearly. Fully. Our God is not a tease. He withholds nothing nothing from the Son of His love; and to see Him “as He is”, our fervent hope in all, is to know both that indeed “all things have been given of the Father”, and no less, that He has done as promised, to make all things known to us in His showing us the Father. By taking us to Him, in Himself.

If we are warned against becoming dull of hearing, let us show ourselves sons by taking such word to heart, not casting off instruction and by such show ourselves His children and not bastards. God forbid we succumb to a casualness that prevents both our true hearing of what our Lord asked in prayer while in His days of flesh, nor the conviction of how our Father responds to the Son’s entreaties. (Yes and amen!) Even in this matter recorded (as all has been for our benefit) here:

Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word; That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.

And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one: I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me. Father, I will that they also, whom thou hast given me, be with me where I am; that they may behold my glory, which thou hast given me: for thou lovedst me before the foundation of the world. (KJV)

And though I am tempted to highlight certain verses in the above, perhaps to the even making of a “point” I find salient, thankfully the spirit forbids. And am made content in seeking to answer my own proposal as to what is the “it”. To know the this of it.

Admittedly a man leaves himself wide open the moment he speaks. Or writes. Or does. He has made statement as to who he is, and of his estate. Everything has motive. Everything originates from a some place.

This should not be hard recognize as true; even if we also admit the discerning of such motives as a given of themselves are not as easily identified to particulars. Some seem obvious; but as with all seems, getting to the very root of a matter is rarely in all semblance to what we see or hear “above ground”. Before we can begin to appreciate this as true, particularly of ourselves, we must be brought to some agreement in knowing how much springs from the dark; beneath the surface so easily seen.

Again, we need not know all particulars, but unless or until we have had something of these two verses “worked” into us as applying personally to us (and not for the mere “handling of others”) we may be very much at a loss:

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

Along with Jesus’ restatement:

For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness: All these evil things come from within, and defile the man.

O! but this leaves us in a dire place. Who can navigate here? This place from which thoughts and attitudes become words and deeds? Who dare make one move with this knowing? And worse…without it…how much has been done? And where is the man who can trust his own heart to tell him he is not defiling himself?

Who “knows himself” beyond what the Lord has said? Or better (or worse?) where is the man who has not seen something of these matters in his very own self? To say the Lord cuts us off from all hope in, or of ourselves by this knowing of us is not too drastic a word. Is it? What isn’t included there that all men, or any man might think he has escaped that eye? Who isn’t…even if at the very least, not caught by deceit? Who will say “I have never lied”? O! but that man might be the easiest to assess! Or, “I am honest” or an honest man…do we see how laughably plain we are put, (and put ourselves) on display?

We can go beyond evangelical considerations, but we can also stop for a moment to consider how very clear in its severity of pronouncement this is. How can a man be preached of such knowing of us to any benefit to us? Not only so, but who could preach such a man? And again, not only so, how can any hope be found for a man who (by a man) so plainly utters not only the hoplelessness of man in his estate as what proceeds from his own heart (nature) but that is all plainly seen to a defiling?

A persuasion must come (even though the man experiences it in himself) from someplace other than his own heart. Simply, the heart cannot bear such truth about itself…that ultimately it knows nothing of the truth…about itself. All is assumption, all leads to presumption, and the man who even believes he (of himself) is able to recognize such truth about himself and therefore would fashion for himself the image of a man who “prefers harsh truth over comfortable lies” is no less, lying to himself…again. And more. Oh, what a strange place of entry! Idols now appear almost everywhere! One might even ask…”must there be so much despair…and despairing of all else?” And now we begin to recognize Paul’s cry “O wretched man that I am, who will save me from this body of death?” This temple erected in all to serve an idol…our very own self.

But Paul knew. Do we? How the work of such despairing of our very own selves…is not our own work. We could not even recognize the righteousness of such fullness of despairing were it not for the persuasion of another. Someone able to “take us out of ourselves” but also maintain for us, by His power and entry alone, some recognition of self, some continuing identity of self as Paul sought to convey in:

“I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live, yet not I, but Christ lives in me…”

To speak of becoming dull of hearing by the oft repetition of this verse is hardly necessary. But, be that as it may, if one does not find some mystery of the man who states he lives while dead in crucifixion (nevertheless I live) but then goes on to say, and speak of the “yet not I”…well…if one does not sense a need for light of revelation here…

How does a man know himself as…yet not I?

And if you think one is merely trying to “torture a verse” to some end of mere philosophical musings…well have at it your self. But who will be tackling it, you…or the “yet not I”? Could you know? And if so, could you convince another? Better yet…are you convinced…of Paul? Can you…or do you believe Paul knew this, and of this, in himself?

As said, a man leaves himself wide open the moment he makes any statement. We have Paul’s statement. And now this is added to, or expanded upon, in question(s). You may not find my questions fair, or merely a rabbit trail on which I hope to slyly take you. If my speaking/writing signals a “too late” for me by making them known; you at least are still in the place of discerning that must precede their judgment. We are both now quite a bit “on the hook” for this, me for speaking…you for hearing/reading. And I find no place (nor will to desire so) that we be “let off” it, this captivity. Do you believe the spiritual man judges all things? What then is exempted from all things?

Are there any other places we might find light regarding of how a man knows himself…or better…is known? Did Jesus say anything about it? Are there any other places we might find where Paul gives testimony of such an operating? What would appear as an almost (if not concretely) made reference to a man being “occupied” so to speak? Where a man is broken down in, and from, what he formerly believed the integrity of himself as a unity, as of a “one” person in occupation (even of himself), but now discerned as being in parts?

Might it even be that a man cannot begin to proceed in revelation to a unity promised, prayed for, entreated of the Father on our behalf…unless and until he even recognizes his own fragmentation? The how he “behaves” within himself being revealed? Is our repair (and re-pairing) less than this profound?

Can you consider these things said by Jesus as His knowing of how man occupies himself?

And he spake a parable unto them, saying, The ground of a certain rich man brought forth plentifully: And he thought within himself, saying, What shall I do, because I have no room where to bestow my fruits? And he said, This will I do: I will pull down my barns, and build greater; and there will I bestow all my fruits and my goods. And I will say to my soul, Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years; take thine ease, eat, drink, and be merry. But God said unto him, Thou fool, this night thy soul shall be required of thee: then whose shall those things be, which thou hast provided? 

“And I will say to my soul…”

Obviously there’s a conversation taking place within this man. A one thing speaking to another thing…even his own soul. This would be enough, but let’s take it farther. Whatever “it” is (that “I”) speaking to that soul is clearly displayed as wrong. One would even say liar. There are not many years (as that “I” assures) to do or be anything…in fact it appears plain its rebuke will be both sudden and irreversible…even to some shock: “thou fool”. Do you (and I do not exempt myself) ever tell yourself…how things “will be”? Have you ever discovered yourself…wrong?Even quite wrong? All wrong?

Have you ever been married? Is that an unfair question? O! but don’t get this wrong…there’s great hope and help for the self that finds itself (has had revealed to itself) it is wrong! And even greater hope and help to be revealed when this is accepted as not in part. Not merely “mistakes” made, mere errors of judgment…as if it “might have done better”. That’s just pride still seeking its place while trying to hide behind some admission of error. As though a man “could know better”. This is still a man trying to save himself in some perverse thinking that the thing that didn’t know better…could have. It’s a man striving to occupy two places at once, thinking he can. Saying “the thing that didn’t know better could have known better if only I had…”

Done what? What can the “I” do in estate of not knowing better…to know better? Anything?

Our own expectations of circumstances and situations are always being dealt with. No less are any and all expectations of how we would react, or how we would “be” in any situation is also being exposed. We often hold many illusions about ourselves. God knows we needn’t go to Peter for this, yet we can if need be. But that will be of very little help if one only sees Peter in this. If we think such things only pertain to Peter.

All of God’s response to man is through the man Jesus the Christ and there is no “work around” nor go around. And His abiding presence and work which causes us to follow (again, if need be, ask Peter what can be shown of man’s ability to follow) will disclose many things to us, once hidden. Oh yes, we can be foolish and blame the situation as cause; having not yet come to the place as understanding all things are for the purpose of disclosure of things hidden.

We can think we are, or would be normally this or thus and so…but for an aberration into extreme circumstance. Yes, we can be foolish. But we are appointed to a very particular following after…even to the following of that man who came into the earth knowing it was to an end of very specific purpose never far from His knowing. We must hear Him. Hear Him without apology nor excuse nor reviling for a circumstance to which He was led.

“What shall I say then, Father deliver me from this hour? But it is for this very hour I have come, glorify your name”

Things will only sneak up on us, catch us unawares and provoke surprise or shock in our reaction only to the extent we both harbor illusions about ourselves and whatever remains of our unseeing of the Lord as He is. These two matters go hand in hand so to speak. And until they are resolved in and to us, things will remain to us very exterior in their working; not appreciating the hands of Him to which we are delivered into by Christ as now our Father (no less than Christ’s) nor the necessity of Him in presence, nor the extremity of this must:

There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.

And that “we” is no more nor less mine than it is more or less, yours. We must be saved.

And disclosure of our own estate goes a long way in the convincing of this. But no man can go there…into the revelation of all his own weakness and inability; even perversity made plain to his sight, unless he be led. And no man can bear it (its revelation), likewise, unless he be comforted by an assurance not his own.

If there is anything worth considering in Pt 3, it might be this:

“As many as I love I rebuke and chasten, be zealous therefore and repent”

It’s a rather plain statement, isn’t it? But the implications, plain as they might be in the plainness of the statement, are very penetrating. In one sense we are quite deconstructed in it, and by it. Do any already sense, even as I do in the reading of it, some very deep caution in handling it? At least as far (and no doubt much farther) as to any using of it to any personal end? But this, also and no less, is an intensely personal matter (what isn’t in God’s handling of man in Christ?) that begs our consideration in the light of Jesus Christ.

If our first inclination remains our only inclination, and our only understanding, how much can be missed? Mistaken? Misapprehended? If an all is presented but we are only satisfied with a part, even pleased only “in part”, God remains blameless. But we may find ourselves heaping judgment to ourselves, not by God’s lack of plainness, but by our presumptions in abundance.

I have no doubt, and have already expressed, of the immeasurable comfort that may be found there. But if we stop at, or remain fixed at: “I have felt the Lord’s heavy hand upon me, therefore I am surely (even if sorely) loved”, what might be “the more” we are in fact, despising in our knowing?

Oh, yes, we might admit we are very well aware (and often more aware) of those times, situations, circumstances in which we have sensed the humbling of coming up against the Almighty in a manifest defeat of our own selves (either in attitudes, words, or deeds) and in which, by receiving that gift of repentance we have been clearly shown the Lord’s righteous vindication of His Name.

We were in that sense beaten by another, shown His power of all supremacy that defeated (defeats) us, and, in admission of the fault of opposition now made clear to us (through that gift of repentance) come away or proceeded to, and now from, a place of more clarity. Or greater accord.

Yes, most of us are very aware of “our sufferings”. The things we have endured.

And here I am reminded of another thing mentioned previously to which we may rarely give words (except in an inner bias) “I sure do hope my most severe trials are behind me” Gee, must this also be “brought to light” again!…(if sensing any truth to it?) And why?

Are we yet renewed to the truth that someone indeed knows us better than ourselves, and have we found enough of grace to even admit that at times it is very uncomfortable (even irritating) despite the truth that there is no comfort outside of Him? It’s a strange thing this. Discovering a great desire to be loved, to be accepted (even to be made clear to us as taking place), yet not much wanting the rebukes and chastenings that are that very proof of its taking place. At the least…not wanting too much of them. What then are we refusing by this preference? This inner bias?

If we proceed from some understanding that all communication is to the end of making a thing known, even ourselves…thoughts, opinions, displays of deeds, convictions, dispositions, preferences it would appear there is a desire to be “known”. To make statement of who we are.

But we also find some limiting, do we not? We don’t want to be too well known…we don’t want all the beans spilled, do we? There are thoughts and excursions of mind we really prefer remain hidden and known only to us. A longing to be known…but not too well…known.

How seemingly paradoxical, as so much seems! A fellowship with a one with no seeming lack of knowing us, even to all knowledge of us (true to truth beyond our even knowing of our own selves) nor need to be moved by need! All the things we withhold (and often even deny of ourselves!) to maintain some presentability, even acceptability, are all too plain to Him.

How indeed, is this working? What is impetus? Perhaps there is much rebuking and chastening necessary, or so much more than we could either have ever imagined necessary, nor even ever wanted…to bring us to some fundamental confession that the word love in Christ’s mouth and our own, are two very opposing…and entirely different matters.

And as we discover this true of so many things…perhaps even all things of which Jesus Christ speaks, we might come to a place too plain: “I really have no idea, or had no idea (depending upon our estate) of what you mean, Lord Jesus” Both in the words you use and their meaning to you…nor even the “why” of why you speak them.

By simple confession we may find a door opened to us. Our trouble of understanding (or better, our troubles made plain in our not understanding) may lead to a very large place. Even as is spoken, “There I will give her back her vineyards and I will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope” A door in a place of trouble. And troubling.

(Pt 5 to follow)