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We are caught in a curious place. If the end is to just know ourselves as forgiven (with Christ as savior and forgiver) of sin, somehow hold fast to this to death and then “go to Heaven”, nothing is said in that uncommendable. Even the use of the word “just” as though assigning this a small doing, could speak ill of such estate. God forbid. And God forbid any of the Lord’s gracious work be counted as “just” something He does, or has done.

Yet when we see such as all reduced to that, juxtaposed against what Paul has declared as ultimate plan, purpose and even will of God in and though Christ for His church, it will not deprecate such. Therefore, God forbid it appear anyone (especially myself) seem to do so, or have any intent to. But we are left with having to consider certain things in light of one another. Particularly an all “growing to the fullness of the stature of Christ…(even) unto a perfect man”. This is indeed what the apostle called a high calling.

And if a man say “we are caught” (even in a curious place) there might be some reason for appraising it so. For none will deny one has written “it does not yet appear what we shall be” in our being sons of God. Likewise even in such place that one has written that:

“but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is.”

We are to be like Him in all ways, yet till He is seen as He is, this full outworking of transformation is hindered, or veiled. It does seem to be a curious place, no? To have some conviction (even inward impetus) of intended growth to a fullness (lacking nothing)…even to a perfection, but forced to admit that (at least) to ourselves…”it does not YET appear what we shall be”.

It can be, perhaps must be in some ways, vexing to any logic of man. But, the spiritual man might be able to understand, it is only to those places where all natural logic is rebuked, shown useless and vain, that are, or is, to where the spiritual man is beckoned. This presents, even demands, a reliance elsewhere.
There can be no figuring out, or calculating by measures.

It is not my intent (such as I know it) to present difficulties, or seeming contradictions, or make of hope a silly thing. But likewise I see no grace if denying our most common of estates, pretending I see better of difficult things. And perhaps that is something of a persuasion granted a man might come to…that when things are hard (or difficult), we may have some inclination to put more oomph to it, believing it might still be possible we can do it, but when things are manifestly shown perfectly impossible, a good and healthy surrender is found to have joy in it.

Frustration doesn’t come from impossibility, frustration only comes from, and can only come from a thing appearing doable making itself then undoable to us…as we strive and try, and labor after it…yet always falling short.

Stupidly I offer…I find frustration when thinking I could have all studs perfectly plumb, and then find that (at least) one off I somehow neglected to see so when later appraised. I though I had worked consistently throughout, and if asking me I would tell you, “yes, absolutely” I had placed a level on all faces. But now…after line of them is done…the proof is there…I hadn’t worked as precisely as I thought I had. Did I not see? What didn’t I take into account? How can this be when I thought I had…

This is a silly offering I know, but such has happened far more, and in too many ways worth mentioning to be ignored in my own undertakings. Maths, automotive mechanics (whence this extra nut or screw?)…job of livelihood, marriage(s)…in every single thing I might undertake in my presumption of possibility and intent of success (ha, maybe like writing!)…I have known frustration. Any and all of oomph here, it seems, serves only to make more a fool of me. “This time, yes, this time…I’ll make it work perfectly”. Ha!

You know where I have never known frustration? Trying to grow hooves, or a second head…well…simply because…my knowing it is impossible has kept me from striving to.

No doubt some will be inclined here to say “someone is just saying throw up your hands and walk away from all of Christ”. It’s all just…impossible…anyway. “Love your neighbor as yourself” “Be wise as serpents and harmless as doves” (Who hasn’t found how easily resorted to is that serpent’s knowing when seeing it…as some impossibility to then remain harmless?) You think me a fool? How very right you are! In some ways I am still looking for the man who has cut off his right hand because he has seen it as an offense to him. Or that man with one eye plucked out. “OH!” One says…”you silly silly man…Christ here is being exaggerative, not literal (whatever that means) and you are too obviously a fool”. Yes, and again, no doubt I am.

But who easily explains all that away but than blithely reads “Thou shalt love the Lord with thine whole heart, whole mind, whole soul, and whole strength” and says “OK, cool, that I will do” That’s a real (literal) instruction.

“Cool, Jesus, thanks for the great advice!”

Listen. I’m a liar and easily accused of being so, especially if in any way I am seeking to present myself in any way immune to, or deaf to knowing this/these inner conversation:

“I need to try harder”
“I need to be better”
“I’m not doing well enough”

or

“I may well be beyond all hope” the last being especially pernicious if allowed as final word. And indeed would be…if another allowed it to be.

But here is where grace and mercy shine, even if, and when, in rebuke:

For we are the circumcision, which worship God in the spirit, and rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh.

Someone speaks hope to the chiefest of sinners. The very one who “most falls short”.

The issue is not hard to see. The problem (if it is one) even more easily discerned as irresolvable for man. Only He who can (and does) the impossible can possibly reign here.

But God forbid we fail to see it as His issue, taken to Himself and for Himself…and somehow seek to worm our way in with our ability(s) to resolve and do what only He can.
He (our God) has purposed that from clay (as to Him appeared a good start for His purpose) to fashion a thing to then become a thing of such stature as to be changed and grow into all likeness of Himself. And this He has done through His Christ, our Lord, Jesus. Free of sin? Yes, and undoubtedly. Of different nature than what once was? Surely (The first man is of the earth and earthy…)

Yet…purposed by His purpose “may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:”

And to know the Father in all fullness as we are persuaded our Lord does.

He started with His dust (so far as we often see) and as such so often occupies our sight…for cleaner dust, better dust, more perfect dust…and we know frustration…even as we must. We might just as well “try” to grow a second head.

But before dust is His intent and purpose…before all we can of our seeing and our own knowing, is all His intent and purpose.

And that alone can only be seen in one place. Heard of, from one place.

So also it has been written: “The first man Adam became into a living soul;” the last Adam into a life-giving spirit.

Yet…purposed by His purpose “may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:”

And to know the Father in all fullness as we are persuaded our Lord does.

He started with His dust (so far as we often see) and as such so often occupies our sight…for cleaner dust, better dust, more perfect dust…and we know frustration…even as we must. We might just as well “try” to grow a second head.

But before dust is His intent and purpose…before all we can of our seeing and our own knowing, is all His intent and purpose.

And that alone can only be seen in one place. Heard of, from one place.

So also it has been written: “The first man Adam became into a living soul;” the last Adam into a life-giving spirit.

‘Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’ Says the LORD of hosts.

More oomph simply will not avail here.

The flesh must, cannot help but, is assigned to inescapably, glorying in itself. And thereby showing its nature.

What may appear, or even be described, as the merest whiff of spirit is far more than enough to show all its boasting as the corruption it is. The rank vanity it is.

For is not in any of man’s measure of abundance of spirit or seeming paucity of it that any right measurement can be made. The most novice saint holds within a wisdom to shame the eldest religious devotee and practitioner who trusts in his own piety. Maybe even someone like me.

The greatness of spirit is measured and has come in the cost of “its” delivery…whether we (in our foolishness) yet think by the ton or by the ounce.

One word does. One word undoes.

And what is new in spirit…has always been and will.

Behold, (He proclaims) I make all things new.

We either see “it all started with dust”…or He intended to start from dust with an intent no man can bring himself to. And somehow be delivered from all the frustrations dust is ordained to know.

For the earnest expectation of the creature waiteth for the manifestation of the sons of God. For the creature was made subject to vanity, not willingly, but by reason of him who hath subjected the same in hope, 

but by reason of him who hath subjected the same in hope, 


His hope. It’s working toward all that is full and perfect. Even through what we might call…our frustrations.

After what little has been said, why then the above title:

“AI and the Church “?

Until it is settled to us that the only intelligence is that which is in spirit, gleaned of spirit, shown true in spirit, whatever we may “come back with”, if in any doubt otherwise, is both useless to us and counter to growth in Christ. The hard place of knowing (if one is persuaded such a thing as knowing is) never yields to speculation nor supposition. “It” may purify, but truth is not in supposition to anything.

But God forbid any intimation that such does not serve purpose or be unapproved be said. God would have us think about things (meditate) especially of those things we approve as of God. And if we have any persuasion of having found anything in the scriptures that bears our inner testimony of verity (God surely knows!) then let us, by the grace of God, hold fast to whatever kernel brings forth fruit. Surely this bit of exchange between Jesus and certain hearers would not be exempt:

Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me. And ye will not come to me, that ye might have life.

(Several other translations precede “search” with “Ye do” or (implied) “You pore over the scriptures…”)

This is rather startling to consider, and I am open to any rebuff in any use of being startled.

We could here suppose many things. Is Jesus not exposing the very thinking of some? Beyond any other matter being said (which do speak of profound matters) are we convinced Jesus knows…what men think…in their doings? Is it presumptuous of Him to claim such knowing, or is such truth of men so plain to Him as to be irrefutable? Does Jesus…know? And even know…what knowing is?

Do not think we ourselves escape this question. Does Jesus know all about men’s thinking as motive for their doings? Am I exempt? Does Jesus know every why of “why I do what I do“? (And how many of the scriptures do testify of Jesus knowing all the thoughts and intents of heart!) Even all inner conversations with our soul.

Does one see? We could easily proceed into several (if not many) matters found in those few words, but already something that might be easily overlooked, or casually confessed (Yes! Of course Jesus knows everything about man!) may have deeper implications for us than just (let’s say) “Jesus is warning against seeking after a thing by means that may not be a fullness, or may even cause one to be blind to the substance of the thing itself….after which one is said to be seeking“.

Stupidly I offer the man who, looking for the forest, says: “I can’t see it with all these trees around blocking my view…but yes…I am looking wholeheartedly for the forest!”

It is more than just not knowing what a forest is (in ignorance), but that standing in one one finds the very things that constitute it…as a hindrance to finding it. Is Jesus really a stumbling block? Even purposed so? Only the man who falls needs help getting up.

But Jesus says “They are that which testify of me…”

And for us, which must come first? Who does come before…the they…the things…that testify? And if what we assume (as we may) of the that that testifies does not lead to a singularity, a proper seeing through which all must and is to be seen…what have we gained? Maybe at best…only a supposing? Speculations? Some bible knowledge…of recollection or only memory? Could we have it…backwards…even often?

And God knows what my confession must be to be found not lying.

These things will either withstand accusation of seeking to add complexity to the simple, (as in some contradiction of the bumper sticker “God said it, I believe it, and that settles it” variety) or some way of putting understanding into either more select hands or minds (which I would confess as contrary to any intent) or placing all matters as always too deep to truly understand…and therefore a throwing up of hands should ensue. God forbid!

But, and because, even if confession is so of intents here, only God knows the heart to its depths. All things are subject to review, correction, revision, and rebuke. Straining at gnats but swallowing camels is always a right warning to any.

Either we accept all as necessarily understood, and our necessity to understand as only through Christ, or we do not. Jesus was not adding to the law, changing the meaning of the law, nor in any way even slightly altering the law when He says:

Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

For again, if we take Paul at his word (and words as inspired) the law is spiritual, and therefore only the spiritual man can even begin to understand it. It makes no matter as to how much any might proclaim “But it is there in black and white, plain worded as can be…” (or written in stone)…for what is spiritual is spiritual dependent for any sight or understanding. The weakness of flesh, through which the spiritual matter of law is made weak, is also undeniable. There is no fault in the law, it is perfect to its end. It simply cannot bring about any perfection or perfecting of what abides in flesh. For that the life giving spirit of a man becomes all and sole necessity.

“That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the spirit is spirit”

It could take, in truth would take and does take only the Lord’s work in His activity (there could never be enuff books) to show and/or separate by explanation the flesh’s influence upon the soul which is the amplifying organ of man. Our soul is to “magnify the Lord”, have His magnificence as pouring through it in some understanding.

But if the soul is not won, or not yet won to only Christ as life (again and only by the Lord’s work(s) of patience) we easily mistake the soulish matters as fed of spirit. Our carnal dispositions, preferences, biases may present themselves as spiritual in nature, but are only an out working of juvenile estate, presenting such matters as true and eternal. Paul saw what was beginning to happen at Corinth when believers were separating over whom they preferred as spiritual teacher. Is it wrong to have preferences? God forbid! For God knows we do and have. But to then imagine anything of them promotes health to the body by either their proclamation and further worse, by an attachment of our identity to them, is folly. And I am persuaded Paul was no more impressed, nor pleased with the man who says “I am of Christ” in that situation, for the Lord alone will make clear, as it is His alone to make clear…what is of Him, or not. The Lord confirms, not man.

For not he that commendeth himself is approved, but whom the Lord commendeth.

One will cry out “But how then can any know?” A man can say anything! How will any know what is true or not?

Yes…that may be a question that always bears return, even if we do not yet see its primacy in all. It is not enough to say, or even know that AI has long been an issue brothers have dealt with from the beginning. No, it is far more than that, just being able to even see or say that, as all this short writing may only be a presumption to address.

You are born of spirit to know.

Paul did:

“I know whom I have believed and am persuaded…”

But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.

If any of a hope was realized in pt 1 it is to the end that the new man sees not at all as the old man, and moreover does not look as the old man. But here I mean more than appearance as in look like (though he certainly does not to the eye of spirit) but more to the way in which he looks to see, the how in practice he performs looking. It is written Moses veiled his face for the glory upon it (from seeing the Lord) but also due to its fading nature. Such veil is spoken of here, as continuing till removed in, and by, Christ:

And not as Moses, which put a vail over his face, that the children of Israel could not stedfastly look to the end of that which is abolished: But their minds were blinded: for until this day remaineth the same vail untaken away in the reading of the old testament; which vail is done away in Christ. But even unto this day, when Moses is read, the vail is upon their heart.

Moses covered a fading glory, even to the end that it not be apprehended as an abolishing of things before; which was to that them their present time. God appointed that no man see the end of the old until such time as the new (Christ in His glory) be revealed. For now we may leave of certain implications of that, in particular God’s appointing of times and season for blindness…and sight. Not in any way due to the lack of its import nor significance, but rather that something other first be established. Yet I am persuaded such assigning of priorities is merely my own convenience, and not God’s at all; for who alone can do all things…and such all things even at once?

Moses veiled…and veils may keep others from seeing clearly through…but they also hinder the seer wearing the veil. And Moses himself (we might say) got into some trouble over both actions and words…even in not seeing those in his care as clearly as another. Likewise was Elijah reproved when seeing himself as sole remaining in any zeal. Others were, to him, as he saw them. No less, Moses. And we are told by Jesus of John (who baptized) that of women born none had arisen greater, who preached that “He who comes after me is preferred before me”. Something in a someone coming…is greater. Yes, John had the better view, but Jesus also added that “He who is least in the Kingdom of God is greater than he”.

All that to say that the least portion granted any of the new creature is greater than anything gone before. And either all will be seen and sought in such understanding, or it will not. All is open to the new man, just as the new man “with unveiled face” is to be open to all. Even those looking upon him/them. There is a new way to see, and a way that does not hinder the seeing of others looking upon the seeker. And faces without shame we are given in Christ…to be seen. We are, and to be, open faced. Indeed of all, we are men with nothing to hide but rather under such strength of word to give as we have received, freely. Unhindered. And unencumbered by any impetus to hide.

We might agree this seems a tall order, so to speak, for we know something of sin’s power to engender a furtiveness, a hiding. Even in such manner as to motivate in us a secret looking (so to speak) with which we view others…”Where are they falling short?” Have you found such evil eye willing to work within as some have? The eye that, not yet convinced of mercy and its necessity (and likewise abundance) to the viewer himself, still, in some perverse turn of what appears spirituality, seeks out those who “really need it more”? I know of such a man. Who would piously paint a face while mouthing and mourning his concern over “those poor sinners!”. Those “poor blind folks”. Yet, God sees. And hears all.

Yet Paul speaks of a veil removed…for sight and to be in the sight of others. And we dare not diminish the cunning craftiness sin can motivate. Does motivate. Always motivates. And such power as remains to its assigning till confessed. And the man who is spiritual and/or would be is not unaware of this strange displacement, projection even, whereby it appears so easily identified as in others but often not as easily seen as far closer to home.

“Gee, do I do that too?” which seems such a juvenile question in brevity and form, becomes a very precious query for armament. Removing beams, a labor not given to much popularity for publicizing, becomes in God’s eyes (who alone may see it) a very precious work to Him. And of far more benefit than stabbing at motes with clumsy and unguided hands into the eyes of others.

But if I go too far afield in considerations, may we be brought back to that consideration aforementioned as seeming too high? For it appears God is after a something, a looking for a something in His provision through Christ of children as fully grown in stature as that Christ given for their, even our salvation. A perfect man. Is this not “the man made in the image and likeness of God”? Paul saw a clear distinction and spoke of it as first man, second man, first Adam, last Adam.
One subject to sin (“for when the commandment came, sin revived, and I died” said Paul in identity with the first) but describing the last Adam, the second man, as that life giving spirit. What a vast difference! One made a living being (or soul), the other, the man of and from heaven, a life giving spirit. I do not know whether this can ever be overemphasized.

Are we yet convinced of Paul’s journey in his sojourn of being sent into the earth as an apostle to some discovery/uncovering/revelation of this intent of God? “Till we all come…”? To what is very high, indeed? The Paul who eschewed the wearing of veil or blinders by the new, did he actually see?

It is only settled to us as it was settled to him, by God’s hand of provision (and likewise removal of certain things) by, and through, His Christ. Revelation of matters as they are for the usurping of matters as they appear. Even their tearing down. And God alone knows how to minister death to what must die that life overtake in victory. And Paul, even as His Lord, learned (if we do indeed believe he did) the manner of submission both required (but also provided!) as revealed to Him by his Lord. And we are no less convinced of his then right glorying in the cross of Christ he mentions…frequently. And from this sight, always in his (Paul’s) eyes he was further both convinced of, and convincing in the resurrection of Christ out from the dead. “For I determined not to know any thing among you, save Jesus Christ, and him crucified.” A terribly glorious…work.

Yes, we are convinced Paul sees and saw. And as a faithful scribe he wrote of his intelligence with his intelligence. His intelligence gathered in the heavenlies by seeking to remain there with his intelligence (attentions) in order that he might rightly transcribe what he saw and understood for those yet hungry. He speaks of being caught “between”, and settles such by consideration (not advantage to himself) of a yet remaining need of delivery…which settles him into the greater good of, and for, others. Who sees Paul piously painting his own face…or sees a man unveiled? It will make some difference. Both in what we see and how see see.

Lest any find easy accusation for “Paul worship” or idolization over any other worthy apostles and scribe(s), it is not “there” to be had. He loathed such considerations, and to therefore aim what he loathed at him will surely bring reproval from heaven (if not sternest of rebuke), and not on any other account but for Christ’s sake. Into which he and all faithful scribes have entrusted themselves for His glory. He confessed to neither knowing all nor apprehending all (which is for some a fine indication of his honor and verity), but what he did know and see he was not shy to share. Save of one instance in which he sensed forbidding. And this was not to any end of his glorying in himself, but that, with true and open heart and being honest broker he might be made able to say:

To whom God would make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles; which is Christ in you, the hope of glory: Whom we preach, warning every man, and teaching every man in all wisdom; that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus: Whereunto I also labour, striving according to his working, which worketh in me mightily.

There is a saying of our Lord’s that thrills me beyond many things, especially when considering those matters that, in all, simply seem too high for me. As thrilling as promise may appear at first, I too am a man who has known something of failings and flailings in seeking to accomplish, as though something is given out inspiring hope, but with as dread a danger of disappointment by missing, in frankest failure to perform.

Fear not little flock, it is the Father’s good pleasure to give you the Kingdom.

The one who teaches it is more blessed to give than to receive is true.

As thrilled as we are to receive, His delight is greater in the giving.

Perhaps for some that could be a good reception, to ask to see how delighted He is, and blessed, to give.

He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?

Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God,
unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ: That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: 

My placing of those words above along with anything to be said in regards to them, causes me to remove my shoes. But that action, or even mention of it, must mean nothing to you if I am found unable or presumptuous in any conveyance of its reality. No saint is ill equipped…again…no saint is ill equipped to some sensing of God’s holiness of estate, nor such holiness of His intent. And likewise and no less, no less is any saint ill equipped to taste and discern fraud.

And in this particular matter one of our elders has both spoken and written, and quite in particular to the particulars of it, and unashamed.

And, I am persuaded, it is (or was, if one prefers) as high a statement to him in speaking as any man might perceive when hearing. But we are a peculiar people being won to a peculiar conviction, that only the seeming too high is, or can be, true. Anything less than the impossible for man is not made fit for us. And though any might find it convenient to reduce this to a more common nostrum “A man’s reach should exceed his grasp” from Browning’s poem, even if unaware of the next line “or what’s a heaven for?”, it is not so intended for reduction. May we find it more in conjunction with our faith to understand “God’s reach far exceeds man’s grasp” at every turn. For no man’s will can bring about ascension that is only in the hands of He who condescended. As even so, faith speaks.

And if any further so called groundwork or foundation for understanding need be lain, let it be this in these matters. And by grace may it be settled to us who believe. No vaunted prophet, nor wisest rabbi, nor most exquisitely trained scribe, or most scrupulous and pious practitioner (as Paul once described himself in regard to the law) avails here. He understood beyond our most common ken:

For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision availeth any thing, nor uncircumcision, but a new creature.

Only the new creature can, and is made to, eat of that holiest bread given for us. This is both birthright and, no less importantly, all and any that is of life to us. This in no way deprecates any, who esteemed, have gone before. We can no longer read, nor understand, nor even esteem according to shadow(s) given in anything, for the very substance of all substance is made ours by inheritance through Christ. And even more so, we are convinced those esteemed have received same, not living as paupers amongst a more esteemed company. For the promises that were once afar off to them have no less been fulfilled to them in, and by, Christ.

But God forbid we read and understand according to their prior estate (which was once their portion, even as it once was ours) but with our hearts elevated by Christ to the heavenlies. And unless or until we are persuaded of that, that our scribing brothers in the faith of Jesus the Christ’s resurrection write as men of heaven, and with a more perfect view, we shall be lost in contending over comparisons, and in comparatives. But we must be persuaded of this, that only Christ’s knowing and the knowing of God’s Christ is as greater than Moses (to us who believe) as described here:

For this man was counted worthy of more glory than Moses, inasmuch as he who hath builded the house hath more honour than the house.

When the distinction is seen, comparisons become moot. For there is no comparison.

Why this belaboring of distinction? God forbid it be seen to reduce any in esteem, but rather that by such (distinction) even those esteemed be rightly esteemed in the light of Christ. Neither idolized nor torn down, but each fitting perfectly to their work. And if we have any esteem of brother Paul, may it be so as rightly regarded, as a brother who speaks truth to his brothers, not as one lording over nor speaking down to. He was well convinced (I am persuaded) that his apprehension of matters heavenly were not merely for broadcast (though rightly they are) but made to be bread for all. To this end (again, I am persuaded) he went through many breakings so that even the most novice would find morsels of life given to nourish and sustain till meat be eaten. He experienced even being brought to being so “dissolved” in himself to Christ’s purity that he was unashamed to clasp any to his own bosom for milk.

But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherisheth her children. (Paul…the “wet nurse”)

And may it be seen, and may it be appreciated, that as surely as he declared no foundation can be laid than that which has already been laid, even Jesus Christ, that his declaration of pinnacle is no different in all or any essence than foundation:

Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God,
unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ

Yes, we may often add our nodding or find some agreement amongst ourselves in regard to foundation, (and it would be unwise to not accept) but that height? “Unto a perfect man”? All? (“till we all come”?)

Even this? “unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ“? (Italics mine)

O! but this is very high…even seemingly far too high to say, much less consider. How could any be so bold…even too bold…to say? Who could bear such knowing if this saying is to be shown true? Who? Perhaps we might see none but the Christ of God. That living and active word…ever working…even in vessels of mud, of elements and water mixed…but now with something beyond.

“For we hold this treasure in earthen vessels that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us”

That presence of the Ever Present One is all and only able to bear, and bear out that which He by grace has placed and found within, that particular mystery of Christ in you, the hope of glory.

So that as unasmedly as He would say when He Himself is found in fashion as a man walking in clay would be echoed through another vessel prepared as he continued His walk in a vessel of clay (even Paul)

Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

Unto a perfect man.

Who gets away with saying such? Can bear such knowing for the showing of it as true?

Unless it be too high for man, can it be…true?

And if one forget, or be tempted to speak in any way as better than, or in any fashion as superior to any of the company to which he is himself called now as member…there are shoes he may take off as reminder of connection to all else that is yet of clay. And still touching the earth.

Something must be morselized. Even to such extent as to a dissolving to one’s self. But who would allow Himself so broken? Made so small as to enter a heart of stone buttressed against all that is true and there do His great work of calling forth He who is from the beginning? To show himself real and true…even in a heart of flesh?

Who?

The earthy is, but the Heavenly was, and is, and is to come. And in that, something must give way in the earthy that declares itself as “is-ing”. In the breaking of the heart of flesh contained, the heart of stone must give way.

Consider Him who had no heart of stone to break, nor give way, and yet how heartbroken He is unashamed to show Himself to His own. And how victorious.

Jesus wept. And Jesus rejoiced greatly in spirit. Who alone is able to do all and even…at once? And all things well? Members are rejoicing while yet others are found weeping. May each recognize the (only) seeming other.

From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.

If we do speak of emotions and emotional responses, and have somewhat in the examples of Saul>Paul and Jonah, and consider their implications for us; it might be too easy for some to imagine only emotionless response is being recommended. As if there were no place for anger, or tears, of warm feelings and the like…God forbid.

Their matter of origin, though, is always of paramount importance and significance. The scriptures surely testify obliquely in places, quite plainly in others that our God is in no less possession of such, and/or moved by such. Jesus no less is testified to have looked about Himself in anger:

And when he had looked round about on them with anger, being grieved for the hardness of their hearts, he saith unto the man, Stretch forth thine hand.

At those present looking for excuse to accuse Him of “working” on the sabbath. Jesus sees all “lying in wait” for accusation, and the hardness of hearts doing so instead of showing mercy.

I will not deny knowing this working. I have seen it “too close to home” at times (or even many times) to admit or confess as having been so ensnared. A “light” has to be shown as on.

“Self” exaltation is no matter I am done with, nor immune to its corrupt tendency and outworkings.

I have only one place to look to see it “not” displayed. And that place is set for all reproval and rebuke and (usually only afterwards) grateful for His exercise. And this despite His lack of concern about how it makes me “feel” in the moment.

His lack of concern for our interpretation of Himself and what He says…well…at times it almost appears He doesn’t care much for making friends the way men do. Nor even with much keeping of them (the way men do). Then I am reminded. Of course! He is the savior form all that men do incurring dread consequence to themselves.

“Get thee behind me Satan”! Yikes.

“Will you (guys) leave also”?

“You guys are gonna run for the hills” (Why Lord! How could you think so little of “me”?)

Yet it is precisely because He has thought enough of us to have come in being sent, we are saved. Does that make us a something…or He an everything? This will be worked out or not.

And no one has ever loved me enough to tell me all the truth about myself…and certainly even Mom, though so greatly loved. My dear wife often comes closer, and at such times it is good she is well armored.

How often I could be found so wrongly interpreting this: “And a man’s enemies shall be they of his own household”. I always preferred to think it would be “my righteousness” being resisted, when resistance (which produces heat) rises. O! stupid man! After all…I believe in the Lord! (Anyone else discovering they are not the last disciple? Or alone in Christ? Maybe even not so much in the know as they love to imagine? Ha!)

Yep, God’s way is perfect. And it would be so (even more?) distressing for me to go on at any length when speaking about emotions and their workings and consequences to deny fires I have started. I have burnt down whole households with fires I have started and allowed. And/or, even eagerly thrown gasoline upon. My deepest and truest testimony among men remains that no matter how wrong any particular man may, or can be (as myself being paramount example), there remains a wholly righteous one.

Yes. And yet, it is He who ministers the spirit of faith that bids us speak.

Yes, Jesus is kind enough to give us “things to do” while in these tents. And one of them (maybe the least of them?) is speaking to one another. But, we are not forbidden.

Saul was asked his why. “Why do you persecute me?”
Jonah was queried with “Then said the LORD, Doest thou well to be angry?” Or, as in another translation: “Do you have a good reason to be angry?”

Good reason?

Who has it? Would He share it? (Come let us reason together)

Reason and emotion. They often seem at odds in us, especially when emotion(s) have the ascendancy. And may so easily fool us, or make fools of us. But we must also admit, and no less, bad reason and reasoning(s) cannot do less. For they will also end in unwarranted rise of emotion(s) from a place of falsity.

I have often written of that fellow Rutherford or Lord Rutherford, who upon first discovering how much (in his case little) of what we consider “matter” and material (as in solid) exists took to his bed, remaining there for fear of slipping through the floor. Everything is “mostly” space! Vast spaces on the atomic level such that his mind, now informed of this, filled him with terror. Obviously it would be plainly foolish to think such a bed, composed of atoms no less, would offer greater support. His mind in terror by what his mind deduced, hid from his mind a manifestly plain thing. And caused him to view another (the floor) as now insufficient to him. Something made too true to him to deny by his experimentation, upsetting all his prior understandings (and even experience(s), overwhelmed all sense(s) of good reason.

And so we too, as now in the Lord and under the Lord for discipling, discipline and tutelage may hear and discover things leading to utmost of upset. Our emotions may rise up seeking to get the better of us as the first disciples often discovered. The Lord always has reason for His saying and reason to be found in His saying(s), yet at first hearing their may arise a tumult. And in some cases (as we can see) even a rebuke or correction offered to the Lord. (Do you or I really need to ask Peter?) And our Lord never shies away from speaking what is to us often, that hard thing. Sometimes very hard. Really, and always…too hard a thing for any of us to understand but for God’s spirit.

The Jews therefore strove among themselves, saying, How can this man give us his flesh to eat?

Jesus…are you always trying to lose followers? It often appears so.

Or is it rather…show them how lost they are already?

Were we to continue with this issue/matter of emotion(s), it would serve us well to consider Jonah.

I trust we all know the story of how, after stiff resistance (one might even chuckle to say it) he was “made willing” to carry out the Lord’s instructions to him, finally preaching coming judgments upon the city of Nineveh. It was to be overthrown in 40 days.

But the people took heed to the prophet’s dire prediction and made such repentance before the Lord that He stayed His hand and showed them mercy. But Jonah did not like this, no not at all.

We then read of Jonah presenting his reasons and reasonings of the “why” he didn’t want to come and preach. Almost like a “See? I told you so!” to God.

But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was very angry. And he prayed unto the LORD, and said, I pray thee, O LORD, was not this my saying, when I was yet in my country? Therefore I fled before unto Tarshish: for I knew that thou art a gracious God, and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repentest thee of the evil.

In fact the scriptures state he was so consumed with anger he even asked the Lord to take his life, as disgruntled as he was:

Therefore now, O LORD, take, I beseech thee, my life from me; for it is better for me to die than to live.

Have you known this…ever? A being so marinated in frustration and anger you plead to die? Enough is enough! I just can’t take anymore!

But…how funny(?)…ridiculous(?)…self undercutting is this? O! but we may be so foolish at times…especially those times when we do not even know our pleas are, indirectly (to us) for God to be “less merciful”. It is a strange place, no? “I know you are a merciful God…but I cannot bear you being merciful to a “them” or _________.(Fill in the blank with whatever enemy you would prefer to see judgment fall upon) Almost, if not entirely, forgetting that it is only God’s mercy He is known to any of us. Jonah didn’t eschew mercy when in the belly of the great fish…did he? Do we?

But before it seems I am singling out Jonah as a type unfamiliar to myself (as though I could never be like that) suffice it so say “Hey, Lord! hey Jonah! I “get it”. We men do not see every well at all…help! And when our anger is having the better of us…we may not even know what we ask…when we ask. And to remain in it does not daunt the Lord….only our own souls. For the Lord is not done yet.

(And thanks be to God for the many “yets” He has ministered to me in His mercy! And I hope in no less mercy “ahead”.)

And the Lord is undaunted by Jonah’s anger. For the event continues with Jonah sitting outside the city to see what would happen to it. Perhaps he still held out some hope for lightning bolts, or gaping holes to consume, or whatever calamity would “lift his mood”. God knows.

I am persuaded that in one sense (at least) Jonah, not being “done” with the Lord’s dealings, and the Lord not unwilling to even heap to him more displeasure, finds himself first in some relief (by a gourd) to only be further tormented by the Lord’s preparing of worm to destroy that shade giving gourd Jonah appreciated. God’s showing much providence in his particular preparations for Jonah…first a great fish, then a gourd, and now a worm…and next to be such vehement heat and wind (prepared)…that again Jonah wishes himself…dead.

Sun beating down unrelentingly so that he fainted in its unbearableness…and wishing for death…but then…

The Lord spoke to him. God…seeking to now reason with His divine wisdom and reason with one who has presented his pleas, made his full anger known at his estate, even as one not so disposed to God’s disposition to be, and show Himself…merciful.

But, God speaks.

And God said to Jonah, Doest thou well to be angry for the gourd? And he said, I do well to be angry, even unto death. (This fellow certainly seems to hold fast to his “reasons” in being unrelenting in his clutching of anger…Yes…”I do well to be angry, even unto death”)

“I do well”?

Does God love the stubborn? Would He continue to speak to such?
(I am persuaded my salvation rests upon such patience only God shows)

Then said the LORD, Thou hast had pity on the gourd, for the which thou hast not laboured, neither madest it grow; which came up in a night, and perished in a night: And should not I spare Nineveh, that great city, wherein are more than sixscore thousand persons that cannot discern between their right hand and their left hand; and also much cattle?

Is this not God setting the record straight in His reason and reasoning with a man? (Come, let us reason together) Even showing the flimsiness/foolishness’/corruption of anything that would, upon its own reason, present any justification by which to bind God. Or seem “reasonable”.

None of this is, nor ever has been any of your doing…as engaged as you may feel to it and with it. (emotions often reinforce the notion that something of “all” is happening exclusively to ourselves…again because we “feel” them so)

And so, as far as the scriptures speak in this account, the Lord’s final appeal is to a man to consider the many souls he neither intended nor formed, and up to this point has shown no regard for.

And this man is unashamedly called of God as a prophet. Jesus no less referring to him in his stature when walking amongst us. A someone called of God, even knowing of His mercy as he declared. Yet shown furiously holding to an anger God sought to reason him out from.

It is strange in many ways to consider whether this mission was as much for him, and not any less than it was to preach to the Ninevites. God’s economy is perfect.

And, who learns from this? And who is, perhaps not unlike any who do not know their right hand from left till enlightened, very much like any “other” man?

And if need be, God is not reluctant to mention even the beasts of the field.

What might be left for us to let go of certain things, to better see, and understand mercy?

May we not be found despising the very matter that has made Christ Jesus Himself, life to us.

The issue of our emotions is really no problem for God, as they more often appear to us as issue, than they do for Him. Though we may be tricked by them in many ways, have thought and sight clouded often, be led by them into all manner of calamity on occasion, even develop whole of dispositions and outlooks based upon them, yet God remains unscathed and, in most cases…unmoved by our attentions to them.

No doubt to some this would seem to contradict a very dear truth that:

For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.

For surely this is true and precious. And God forbid any who would seek to undermine that reality. Yes, our Lord is touched by our weaknesses, even and especially in temptations. But, and no less, must we look to Him for navigation especially when feeling overcome in our own weaknesses that would otherwise tend to sin.

Yes, God loves, cherishes, and is unashamed to call us His own and even share His glory, (for He will not share it with an “other”) yet, He remains not indulgent of us. And we all should know (must know?) things “winked at” in times past due to our own darkness of understanding are all to be made clear in the present light of Christ. And no less should we suffer being taken advantage of as was made clear by our Lord’s refusal to partake in a pity party being catered through our brother, Peter.

Our Lord, God’s Christ, Jesus, knew the end prepared in His betrayal and sufferings was to life eternal…even for Peter, and likewise knew who was making appeal through him. And how often might a man be maneuvered to, in his sensing of feelings provoked, go to such lengths as would deny the very source of his establishment.

There was for Peter a place, as no less for us, prepared aforehand for accomplishment that would provide such mercy as was ordained to be accomplished in such a way. And no other way. And even though our Lord knew well (all to well) how such plan must appear to man, He remains, not merely undeterred…but in such address which, apart from God’s mercy, no man could bear in rebuke.

But he turned, and said unto Peter, Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men.

Shall we talk about having a swimming head? Terror(s)? Firmness?

Or what answer one might come up with to this “why” issued from Heaven? Or how long would be given for response?

Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me?

(How long do I have to figure this out, Lord, this “why”?)

Short answer: Because I hate all attached to your name. (dare it be said…there?)

But that still does not sufficiently answer the why…for it only provokes another…and one we learn (f we have learned) our brother Paul was given time to consider and discover through revelations provided…as to that “why”…The why of why men hate that name. The feelings of hate, hatred, which overtake and move so many are quite secondary to matters far more fundamental, and to be discovered, uncovered for their nakedness to show their poverty.

Do any imagine the Lord did not know of Saul’s hatred for the name…before asking that “why”? He who was spoken of as: “breathing out threatenings and slaughter against the disciples of the Lord” Not unlike some vision of a dragon…spewing flames and choking smoke.

Yet, the Lord asks such a man, a man chosen to be asked, a man chosen…”why?”. And we know that Paul (once Saul) labored greatly in uncovering that why, displaying that why in its flimsiness against the truth of Christ, and even took to himself such reason for it, not by excuse, but in response to a mercy shown him through grace that upon it he stood:

“I was ignorant”.

How might any man be overtaken by such raging emotions of hatred that he be so blind? How might any emotions so take advantage?

Mostly, because if left un-checked (for they do and must, bear checking) like buttress we are convinced of “good reason” for them.

It is not the emotions themselves that are an issue (and certainly not for God toward us) but those matters upon which we find so called “reason” for them. The emotion springs up not without some provocation (though often taking advantage of ignorance) and so takes over through depth of feeling(s) that they become the most immediate and present thing to us. We “really” feel them. And this, because we sense as real are more assuring there is “good reason” for them. We are always inclined to believe (till disabused) that only truth spurs our emotions.

And so we have issues with, or even troubles and problems with understanding certain matters, especially as spoken by the Lord.

Again, this is not at all to say “naked” emotions have no place, for often they are used of God (who remains undeterred by them or their expression) to help enlighten us. Even such matters of, let us say “love and hate” get so confused to us as to how they are manifest in ignorance, to deceive us.

Especially in matters relating to “our own” of which the Lord spoke, and therefore has and had something to say. The Lord, our savior, is never without reason, even if, and when, we be. Therefore we find great comfort in “come let us reason together”…that our reason and reasoning be made sound.

It’s kinda funny at times. At least when we see it; cause it sure doesn’t work the way we once thought it did, mostly hoped it would…and for the most part…how we have often told others it does and/or “should”. But, perhaps I am only telling on myself. And even then, and if so, am only telling in the merest part if in any thinking I can clean myself by coming clean, remains.

Who can judge a man? And not simply to what he may do, or think, or be caught in motive for, but even has the self free enough of all bias to declare what man, or even a man, is? Is any, are any, objective “enough”?

That appears precious to us, doesn’t it? To believe we can embody some objectivity, or already do, that allows us to both see rightly and unsullied by contaminants of lens to sum up things. I’m persuaded that such inclination, no, almost inescapable practice… when reduced, traced back or down to root, simplest source, foundation, well spring…is merely another way we state the greatest lie of all: “I am God”. Yes, it is kinda funny at times.

And if, or when such is exposed of us, or even more commonly laid as accusation against us as the silliness it is, perhaps even proved by some sting of it…we balm such wounding with “Well, at least I am ‘more objective’ than that silly one”.

This is often the ground the so called scientist seeks to stand upon as proof of himself. And this is regardless of whether such scientist is found working in a sterile lab seeking to unlock the mysteries of the universe or a religious man, even a so called spiritual man found doing and observing experiments taking place in his own soul.

And each of us has our own ‘little lab’ in which such takes place. We each, to establish our rightness, seek to limit on what is at best only a continuum of diligence, untoward influences. We account only for as much as we can. Seek to exclude contaminants, biases, whatever we may think may later, if found, call our proofs into question. Unsteady our declarations. We all carry background emanations into our search, and/or hope for objectivity, our experiments of seeking to stand upon some immovable and ineffable truth of things. Yet, I am the bias, itself. The turd in the punch bowl if any can bear such indelicacy.

The “it” in the first paragraph of “how it works”? “It’s” the work of Christ in us. It’s surely different. Different than anything we know, could have known, or surmised. Certainly different than anything we could volunteer for, enlist ourselves to, or gain by any exercise of will other than God’s. But then of course, it would have to be, no? As different in all things once known or imagined as Christ is as different, distinct, and unfathomable if at all compared to anything other. His work is different precisely because He is…at least in the sense of anything we once knew. This divine reconstruction, whereby all things are made new for us (and no less to us) we learn no less incorporates a great deconstruction. Yes, a real tearing down…even in our own sight of all idols, all things other that even once held out to us, or spoke to us, of most sublime estate imaginable. Yes, all things that would, in other than the light of Christ Himself, be counted as good. Paul learned to a knowing what dung truly is in the light provided to him of his Lord, savior, and yes, conscripter. That One…who he proclaimed “gave himself for me”.

Here is a quite personal aside. But God already knows of it, has long known of my many musings over it, considerations of it for any wholesomeness versus some degeneracy of self serving display. God knows. It is this: Can a man be found dropping a dime on God (so to speak) by discussing His works and workings in a man or men of His choosing? You know, like a magician who has found a living exposing how a trick is done…the inner or hidden workings that result in gasps or ahhs! from those before whose eyes such are done. How stupid can a man be, right? Especially in regards to any so called hidden work or motive even if, or for, thinking one can speak hidden things before Him with whom we have to do. You know, that One from whose eyes nothing is hidden.

And, of course, God is not a magician, and as for me, I am not God. Nor privy to all or any of His ways unless he choose to reveal. Besides which there is nothing that can be said apart from that which already is, and laid down through, and of the Christ already in the scriptures. And again, no matter what a man may say, even in their regard (the scriptures) their depth as given through the Christ is no less a depth that only Christ can teach. Mostly (if I may say) we are (how able am I to speak for any besides myself?) if not already in awe of such depths, will be. So here’s my cue and clue…any and all of what I may consider my doing or speaking matters not at all. Those that already understand, do. I add nothing to anyone. Those that resist could rightly rebuke a heretic, hypocrite, or liar no less rightly if, or as, they are directed of the Lord.

To one yet ignorant of such matters, how that growth involves as much a stripping away of things if any virtue is sought (itself a grace given only of God to seek after virtue) then he will abide as he is till moved. It will make no sense to him at all how that growth involves as much subtraction in such measure as God’s addition of Christ to him is. And the Christ who is given to man, if He is, will no less walk through a man’s soul as necessary as He walked through the temple marketplace. And the man will know this. Insufferable stuff…simply has to go. Room must be made for the Holy.

Yes, a man in Christ does indeed have all necessity satisfied in full…by his presence in Christ and Christ’s presence in him. But (or better I shall say) And he will learn the presence of God’s sacrifice on his behalf will have effects once unknown to him of all the things he once thought…good. And none of these has God chosen to hide from any, His Christ speaks plainly. All and any to whom they are hidden, they are. And (not but) Jesus is not timid nor shy in these…all things against which esteem is measured or compared…if sought to be applied to Christ for any comparison, will be shown as corrupt and corrupted. And the very act of comparison yet reveals such taint.

So no. No man can drop a dime on God and His workings through Christ, or expose what shouldn’t be (even if he thought he could) for God simply forbids what He forbids, and allows what He allows. Paul saw and heard certain things of which he was forbidden to speak, or would be unlawful to (or at least a certain man he knew in Christ, did) yet he was allowed to testify that such a thing had taken place. Is this tricky of God? Or tricky of Paul? As though God, not knowing man’s frame and ways would be shocked or surprised to discover at least one wondering “Gee…what did he see and hear this man who testifies that about such it is not lawful to speak…but are yet true…things?” Is God teasing? Is Paul? Or could it be something other, even? God knowing our predilection toward speculations and speculating…and is even there “flushing them out”? Ho! But is God being that wise?! Is that how things (or at least one way) get flushed out of us? We recognize them operating and see their poverty, plainly? There’s a way we learn about certainty and certainties when “what ifs” are exposed for what they are. Never a firm foundation…but even their shakiness serves a purpose to provoke a seeking of a greater securing. Yes, they may be a “start”…but never the end.

The certainty of Christ is. What that end is. To know, even as we are known. And against which one man once measured all things and found them less than puerile preoccupations, but dung if (need be) compared to the excellency of knowing Christ in both His sufferings and resurrection. And no man, apart from God’s work is, or can be, witness to either or both.

A man, needing no cleansing, but for righteousness’ sake of fulfillment, submitted himself to a baptism at the hands of another man. A man totally immune to accusation allowed His accusers to do with Him as they would in submission to His father. A man who had not sinned, nor would be found guilty of it had he opted to not endure the cross, nevertheless endured to put away the sins of those He would never abandon.

Of all these matters nothing could ever be made too much, only testified to as simply and clearly by any man to whom God has given the grace to do so. And this is the purest joy of any man so graced, to testify of his savior. In a place of muttering dust, talking dirt, such is given to know as miraculous and most marvelous gift of occupation. And any so seeming straitness of discipline, hardness of lesson, pain of endurance, grief in chastenings or momentary affliction of loss, is so swallowed by such victory as is His alone, and yet even shared; and which cannot be dimmed of such glory.

And the Lord sees, and does not despise. As unstingy as He is amongst His own to share His glory, the spirit is no less diligent to reveal His sufferings. For God has put a lock on such matters against prying eyes, or the merely curious mind of man who conceives of clever device for investigation and judgments. The man persuaded such can serve him in all things, even of his own reason, that are then wrongly concluded to gain by his own efforts, skill, diligence or superiority.

God hides His glory where no man can make himself see. Where even own desire cannot suffice, nor ever could, but through Christ has been made totally reliant upon the good pleasure of another to show.

Yet, there is nothing hidden…except to be revealed. And this must be believed before it can be made known as true. And one either believes the words of the Christ of God or has not yet entered that place of being stripped of lie. Where Crist alone is all the gain.

I am hard pressed to consider that not every man believes he “thinks right”. That is that, according to whatever equipping he may have, he has rightly come to any and all conclusions he embraces; and that in one sense he has earned them. He imagines all his weights and balances to be fair, true, rightly assessed and fit for use and applications to whatever observations are filtered through and by them to such conclusion(s). Or, as one once phrased it: “All of a man’s ways are right in his own eyes”. And yet, to be fair, even if such phrasing holds some quasi indictment of a failing and extremely solipsistic estate (even aside from offering any remedy) how could it not be so? What does a man have but his own mind to both see from, and use for?

But this does not ameliorate such sense of indictment. For, even if reaching out (so to speak) to other minds as might seem a salubrious endeavor to gather to one’s self other points of view, the impetus to do so is a frank admission and is itself indictment of such a locked in estate. Our terror at isolation is great…that matter of being lost in (and to) ourselves. Any desire to rid ourselves of such as might be called a dread provinciality only enforces by its exercise, even if seeming brief respite is found, the very truth of it. One need only to do the experiment to know, or by refusal, prove.

Just as on the material level of things, “touch” as we might describe or hold in mind to some imaging never truly takes place (with vast gaps of space made known on molecular levels) even so communications and communing’s assumed (no less in mind) may be no less delusional. The vastness of separation(s), belied by our own processing of experience(s) are often too terrible to consider. Our best attempts to bridge…or escape this too terrible knowing of isolation (does every man die alone?) are more likely to disclose the very frailty of such bridging. A man who has been betrayed, or senses such experience to himself…well…actually…who hasn’t or doesn’t? We cling as much to our victimhood in such, as part and parcel of those seemingly correct weights and balances incorporated, as strongly as we seek relief from that abyss of isolation…that dread knowing of being abandoned into the hole of solitary confinement.

But we are good at (or better yet, practiced in) clever invention. The manufacture of things for an apparent centrality around. If scrupulously maintained by joint effort (yet how we imagine ourselves immune to entropy!) we can warm ourselves with illusions of being together in, and to, a thing. And for some of that brief time described above, enjoy some respite from noxious plumes rising from the basement. But O!, what dreams may come from that untamable miasma beneath.

No, there is no escape but by an invasion. An occupation of our walled city. But no man could want this. No man could even dream of wanting this. It’s what dogs him in night terrors, the unwanted intruder…but…

Does every man die alone?

If we only knew to how great an extent this inner persuasion colors our decisions, our will for, and toward others in matters of sought control, we might gladly relinquish the helm.

Of course, it would take no less than what is commonly called a miracle. To see our assumed objectivity about ourselves as fit judges is the greatest presumption we inherit in these skins.

And God forbid (if one can receive it) I express any resistance to, or negativity toward any man who might throw up his hands and say “In this we are all in the same boat and all utterly hopeless and helpless against it.” It is impossible for man to surrender his deepest metrics by which he measures all. He is himself to himself, the sole place he is granted to stand and survey.

And love, for us, is only at best an exercise of invitation from what we endure as what is to us our deepest level. A “bringing in” to ourselves and to that deepest level we know, or claim to, of another.

And too rare might be the person who does not know something of that door “swinging both ways”, for always from above looking down, or from beneath undergirding, sits that judge who alone occupies truly deepest level. The “me” to whom all is happening in any recognition of what it believes is happening. In one sense, as some might see, we are forever in matters of marriage and divorce with the me as adjudicator…sometimes justice of the peace, sometimes warrior king or bouncer.

And we love/hate the me above all. It is what strives for exclusive and all powerful maintenance of self as exclusive and necessary to the true knowing of itself, while all the while no less engaged against the terrors of isolation. For it only knows itself as against a back drop of what it calls other. “Well, you are not me!” is nothing too unimaginably foreign to even the longest wed. That door is always being maintained whether only in thought or further, in words expressed.

But this is not strange to any, is it? There’s no claim of being anything but captain obvious, reciting the most trite observations.

To further reduce we long for both father and mother while likewise despising father and mother. Mother sitting in the gallery as only one with tears for us while we stand in the docket. But we may see, no less, with some recognition it has been that unqualified approval that has brought us to stand as defendant. The restrictions of father who knows all children must eventually face the world equipped with some responsibility is alternately hated, but also with some ruing of neglecting the steeling he had hoped, and perhaps was called for, to infuse.

We are products.

When in the lead of the parade we are self made. When before the bailiff approaching with cuffs, we cry product.

And this thing, in all instability and subject to all circumstance in dependence for the knowing of itself we often think

“And I turned out OK”.

How can a man…can a man…be free of all influences that were themselves subject to all influence?

If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple?

Ya ever wonder what kind of circumstances a man saying that is leaving the door open to?
Will he be moved? Close the door?